He raised his brows, then shrugged, so I’d continue wondering just how much he knew. “I know why you’re here. That’s different, though, than why you think you’re here.”
“Boring superhero crap.” I waved a hand through the air. “Save the world, all that. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Ah, but I understand that no one acts without some deep internal motivation. So why is this personal for you? What would you cross worlds to save?”
I bit my lip and stared at him so long that hours probably passed in Vegas. I don’t know what I was searching for. Maybe some inkling that the agent of Light he’d once been was still living inside that bulging frame, some show of remorse. Something I could connect to.
But the more I stared, the more I saw our differences. We’d switched lives, I realized. I’d become an accepted part of the troop he’d left. He now worked alone, and the self-will that had gotten him thrown out so long ago had calcified into unwavering self-preservation. It was all he knew, all that made sense. So trying to explain why I’d give up my very soul for the chance to save someone else was like trying to explain chocolate to a caveman. It was a decadence he’d never live to know.
“You’re morally bankrupt,” I said instead.
“Untrue. I’m as honest as a person can be while impersonating two people at the same time.” The intimation being that I was not. “Now answer the question.”
I backed up to where he’d been standing when I’d entered, and looked out on a wind-whipped Vegas. She was taking a beating on the other side of the peaceful pane. I tapped my smooth fingertips off the glass, and they chinked unnaturally. “That,” I finally answered, pointing. “I’m doing this for my home.”
“I already told you, that answer isn’t going to cut it. You can’t tell me you feel for all of Vegas. It’s not personal enough.”
I shook my head. See? I knew he wouldn’t understand. “I didn’t say Vegas. I said home.” I swallowed hard, and continued to stare out that bleak window. “It’s a place…borne out in a person.”
An awkward silence bloomed as he waited for me to continue. I lifted my hand to the window, thinking of Ben-because I’d once told him he was my home-and of Jasmine and Li, of my troop and Cher and the mortals I felt a kinship with because I’d been one once. And though I was here for all that, it was Jacks’s question that made me realize I’d come primarily for me. I wanted my city saved for me. I wanted my troop secured so I’d have security. I’d finally found a place where I fit in, felt whole, and saw-for the first time-an actual future. It included being a twenty-first century superhero. And, getting really personal, it included Hunter.
Hunter, who made my mouth dry up just by walking away. Who made it water when he came back, like I was anticipating the best meal of my life. I thought of how my fingers involuntarily twitched when I caught sight of him, how I reached for him without even realizing. Around Hunter, all my senses came to life. Not dormant ones, not long-lost ones, but present ones, brightly alive.
“I was with him just before I left.” I thought of the night we’d spent together, the madness in our lovemaking, the awareness of how fleeting precious things could be. The need to consume and rage and hold on all at the same time. I sucked in a deep breath, and the memory wrapped around my heart like a shell protecting the life within. I smiled. “Yeah. He’s why I’m really here.”
“Don’t tell me that the prophesied savior of our world is willing to forego destiny for a mere man? I mean, what is this world coming to?”
Guess I didn’t have to worry about hiding who I was.
“Don’t make fun of this.” I turned on him slowly, like a mountain lion on an elk. He’d do well to remember I wasn’t without claws. “You asked, and I’m being as honest as I possibly can. That’s how much this means to me.” That’s how much Hunter means, I realized. I’d have made the trip over here, risking soul and life and personal power, for him alone. That was about as personal as it got.
Jacks’s nostrils flared again, and I knew my discovery was pouring from me in some sort of perfumed scent. I briefly wondered what love newly realized smelled like, and was instantly frustrated by the thought that this foul being was the one to scent it for the first time instead of Hunter.
Nicely done, I silently berated myself. Taking the moment from the man it belongs to and giving it to another. To a child-killer, I thought derisively. A soul-stealer. The idea of it, though repulsive, gave me another.
I stepped closer. My voice too became more intimate as I neared him. The chasm between the man before me and the one I was thinking of was wider than Red Rock Canyon, but I could use the emotion to get what I wanted. A world ruled by women, right? So could it be as easy as Solange said? Just embrace the contradiction. Be comfortable with myself…and lull Jacks into doing the same. I licked my upper lip, tilting my head so I was gazing directly into his eyes. “How do I fix the changeling of Light?”
Jacks’s eyes flickered, watching my tongue. “You can’t.”
“I have to,” I said, stepping closer. “Otherwise the Tulpa will win. The Light will snuff out. The world will collapse.”
“Only part of it.” He lifted a shoulder, but otherwise remained still. I continued my advance.
“My world,” I said as blithely. I was so close that had I still been encased in Olivia’s flesh, my breasts would have been brushing his chest. “My home. Tell me how to fix her.”
He swallowed hard. “Haven’t you figured it out yet, Archer? Human beings are fragile creatures. What do you think happened to that girl’s chi the very moment yours invaded?”
I drew back a tad at that. “Invaded? My powers have been funneling into her, making her stronger.”
“Yeah, and if you pull them back now, there’ll be nothing to keep her upright. It’ll be like removing her etheric spine. Her soul energy is long gone, departed for deep outer space. Not destroyed, of course, but reabsorbed, re-imagined into the fabric of the Universe.”
“No.” I shook my head and swallowed hard. “Her death is not an option.” Nor was Li’s. Nor the city’s.
That careless shrug again, and he moved in, suddenly taking me up on my advances. I stiffened, wanting to vomit on his shoes. “It all depends on what you think of as death. Energy is always transmuted, and used for something new.”
I jerked away from his hand on mine, pulling back again when his index finger trailed my wrist. “Is that how you justify murdering that changeling? A child? And the woman, whomever she was, whose soul power you used for passage this time?”
He grinned, and it wasn’t at all handsome. “I was wondering how long it’d be before you snapped. It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be something you’re not. To feign being in love with someone you’re not.”
As if I could ever love a poison like you. “What would a murderer like you know about love?”
“Because that’s why I crossed over too.”
And as if on cue, the door opposite the entrance swung wide. Solange stood in silhouette, delicately draped in deep-plunging, sophisticated black, posed like Erté’s muse.
She stepped forward so that her features took focus just in time for me to catch the narrowing of her eyes. She scanned Jacks, me, the way our bodies were angled toward each other’s. She inhaled deeply…and her features grew even more pointed.
“What the hell is going on here?” Her arms dropped to her side. She advanced upon me, the seductress suddenly replaced by a warrior princess, and I stepped back even though I had nothing to feel guilty about. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
“Well, Jacks and I-”
Her earrings, the same fine fragile hoops as before, swung at her lobes as she jerked her head. “Jacks and you nothing! He’s here to see me, and it took him long enough.”