She said, “What don’t you know?”
“I thought of that, it’s strange, what you said. When I was talking to Clement he kept making the point that I wasn’t any more interested in upholding the law than he was in breaking it-”
“He said that?”
“Yes, that it was a personal thing between us that didn’t have anything to do with other people.”
“Did you agree?”
“I said, ‘A long time ago we might’ve settled this between us.’ And he said… ‘Or if we thought it might be fun.’ ”
Staring intently she said, “You haven’t told this to the people you work with. But you’ve told me.”
She came up from the silky cushion, close to him now but closed in on herself, arms against her body, hands clasped on her knees.
“You said the other night in my office, ‘Can I help you?’ You said it twice. Both times, the way you said it, I came so close to telling you, I wanted to-”
Her eyes were brown, the pupils dilated in the dim light, making her eyes appear dark and clearly defined, like eyes in a drawing that were accentuated, inked in except for a small pale square to indicate reflected light, a soft sparkle.
“Everybody,” Raymond said, “has to have somebody to tell secrets to.” He liked the delicate line of her nose, the shape of her mouth and saw where he would go in and take part of her lower lip, biting it very gently.
She said, “I make assumptions-I think I know you, but I don’t. You say, ‘fine art.’ You say, ‘if he’s into bilocation… ‘ “
Raymond said, “But he isn’t, is he?”
She didn’t answer.
“Let me help you.”
She continued to look into his eyes, into the deep end of a pool, gathering courage-
“Carolyn, I give you my word…”
She said, “Hold me… please.”
THEY MADE LOVE IN A BED with white sheets and a dark oak headboard that towered to the ceiling. They made love almost at once, as though they missed each other so much they couldn’t wait, hands moving, learning quickly, and when he entered her she breathed a sound of relief he had never heard before-even in the beds with decorator pillows and designer sheets, with the girls who would groan dramatic obscenities-none of them came out of themselves the way Carolyn did. Raymond moved with her, involved, but aware of himself too, because he couldn’t believe it was happening, he couldn’t believe it was Carolyn Wilder moving and making the sounds, thrusting, arching up with her head back, straining in faint light that let him see her face in a way she would never see it or recognize herself, Raymond seeing a secret Carolyn and then, for a moment, seeing her eyes open, seeing her awareness. He wanted to say something to her. He said, “I know you.” The moment became a brief silence that was gone as her eyes closed again and then became something that had happened a long time ago.
They remained in darkness, in silence for several minutes, Raymond holding her, seeing the faint outside light against window shades across the bedroom. He heard her say, very quietly, close to him, “God, that was good.” He thought of ways to reply but said nothing. She would feel him holding her, his hands moving gently, stroking; she would know what he felt.
Finally she said, in a voice that was a murmur but clear in the silence, “In my office the other night, when you were on the phone-” She paused. “He said, as he started to leave he said, ‘When do I get the money?’ I looked at him, I didn’t know what he was talking about. He said, ‘The hundred-thousand you promised me for killing the judge.’ I said ‘What?’ I couldn’t believe it. He said, ‘Don’t try and act dumb to get out of paying me. I have proof the judge was putting the stuff on you.’ I said, ‘What do you mean?’ But that was all. He said something else like ‘I’ll be in touch,’ and left.”
“Then tonight,” Raymond said, “he called you-”
“He called this morning, too. Tonight he called just a few minutes before you did. He said, ‘I’ve been at your place the past hour if anybody wants to know.’ I didn’t say a word to him; I hung up the phone. He called back within a minute and said, ‘Look, if I take a fall on the Guy thing, you’re going with me.’ This time I told him if he was worried about it he’d better get a lawyer, because I was no longer representing him. He said… ‘Oh, yes you are.’ He said if it even looked like he might be convicted he’d sign a statement that I had paid him to kill Guy and he’d-words to the effect that he’d produce enough evidence to substantiate it or at least give credence to a motive.”
“How can he do that?”
“That’s what’s interesting about it, that he thinks he can implicate me.” Carolyn turned enough to see his face in the darkness. “This is in confidence, right?” Raymond didn’t say anything. “I’m not telling you something you can use anyway.”
He was aware of a strange feeling-even with her breast against his arm and their naked thighs touching-that the lawyer was returning, that the woman who had let go was pulling in again, regrouping, perhaps not even aware of it herself as she lay in his arms.
Carolyn said, “I mean if I filed a complaint against him, say on the grounds of extortion, it would be my word against his. Which would be considerable, but not nearly enough to convict him. He’ll put on his dumb-hillbilly act and say I misunderstood him. Clement is very good at playing dumb.”
Raymond said, “Let’s go back a little bit. First, he wants a hundred thousand or he’ll cop, swear you paid him to kill Guy.”
“I think,” Carolyn said, “considering he’s an opportunist, Clement’s first thought is to capitalize on Guy’s death.” She paused. “Whether he killed him or not.”
Raymond told himself to wait, be patient. Ignore, for the time being, the warning trying to tighten up his insides.
“But now he’s a suspect and he’s telling me to use every effort to keep him out of jail-I presume free of charge-or else he’ll take me with him.”
“When did he tell you this?”
“This morning, he called me at the office.”
“What’d he say exactly?”
“He said he knows and can prove I had some kind of bribe scheme going with Guy, that I paid him off for acquittals or reduced sentences. But, because I testified against Guy before the Tenure Commission, helped to get him thrown off the bench in fact, I’m supposedly one of the ones Guy threatened to expose. He was going to write a book, ‘name names of people,’ Guy said in the paper, ‘with dirty hands and indecent fingers.’ Clement will say I had Guy killed to keep him from writing the book.”
“Clement thought up all this?”
“Everybody misjudges him,” Carolyn said. “That’s how he gets away with what he does, why he’s… fascinating, really.” She stirred, bringing her arm out from beneath Raymond. “Would you like a drink?”
Carolyn left the bed naked and came back wearing the brown caftan. She handed Raymond a glass of aquavit and turned on the night table lamp before getting into bed again to rest against the headboard. When Raymond placed his hand on her thigh she raised her glass and sipped the clear liqueur. He had never thought of women using men other than to get carpeting and appliances. He had said to her, “I know you,” and she had said nothing in return. He wondered what he felt about her beyond the fact he liked her eyes and her nose and her body. He wondered if he had been genuinely moved or if he had only wanted to mount and subdue the dignified, distinguished lady lawyer, or if it had been the other way around and it was Raymond Cruz who had been seduced.