Bohler concluded to the pack’s guardedly approving grumbling. We took hold of our partner’s shoulders, where the sources of pity are, and whacked them a little here and there, and in the course of our efforts to provide effective aid our partner also got a slap or two, and then his shoulders straightened up again and he was basically all right.
Next in line was Micka. I had a dream, he said. I was maybe ten, give or take, an I was playin around the garden of our kultchured family’s old Prague home. An it was a weird day, the kina day when the air is new an a little guy gets in a weird mood, the kina mood where he feels like tryin out worlds an testin his power to see what it can do. A little annoyed an a little antsy, I poked around the old sheds an the raspberry bushes a while, but they didn’t hold any more mystery for me. I kept lookin, waitin for somethin to happen, there was definitely some kina force pullin me. I scratched around in the dirt a while an tried to lift this great big rock, but nope, it was no go. I kicked around the cracked old swimming pool, built in the pre-bolshevik era, actually it wasn’t ours anymore, actually neither was the house, but anyway the tenants used it to store their coal, so I got in there an started tunnelin around. But somehow that wasn’t any fun either. I wanted to break through the surface, an get to somethin new. I moped around back an forth, then tried to lift the rock again. Still no go, I fell down an banged my head. An I think right then the Devil possessed me. I picked myself up, a little dazed, an spotted a bird’s nest up in the tree. It was full of all these bald little crows, cheepin an stickin their long bald necks up towards the mama, who was feedin em a worm. I’d never seen anything like it except in pictures at school. It was new, it was interesting. I snuck over to the tree so I wouldn’t frighten the mama, but she spotted me of course, an started flappin around the nest an beatin her wings. I donno why but I guess it freaked me out a little, so I grabbed this rake off a pile of leaves. The little chicks were really startin to squawk, an I wanted to get a better look, so I took the rake an like tipped the nest up a little. They started cheepin even louder, an I could see em wigglin their heads all weirdlike, snappin their beaks open an closed. I got goose bumps, it was a funny feeling, all of a sudden I was their master. I could decide what would happen to them. They were so cute I got this totally burning desire to cup them in my hand an pet them an cuddle them. But at the same time I got excited at the thought of suddenly clenchin that friendly hand into a fist an squashin em to pieces. I felt both at once. I still could’ve stopped it all, but instead I lifted the rake up, bit by bit, till the nest began to wobble. I needed to know so bad what it would do, what would happen. I guess I needed to know how my new power worked on living creatures. I didn’t see it that way at the time, but I guess I needed to find out how death works. An that there really is such a thing. The first baby fell onto the ground. I went over to get a look up close, an when I touched it I could feel its frenzied little heart poundin away under the down. An somehow that frenzy got inside me, or I got scared the mama crow was gonna punish me. She started dive-bombin me, disappearin into the branches an then swoopin down, closer an closer to my face each time, her wings even touched me a couple a times. I guess I got scared she was gonna call in the other crows, or my parents, or I donno what … but I realized whatever I wanted to do I had to do it right away, an what it was to this day I’ve yet to figure out. I took the rake an started bashin the nest an the little birds started fallin down, an then the nest tore open. I think I was screamin. When the nest came down, the babies started cheepin an squirmin around on the ground … an all at once they were disgusting, like some kina worms or somethin, an I jumped on the nest an stomped it to bits. I stomped those baby crows to a pulp, an then I took the rake an knocked down the mama an she started to wail … don’t anyone tell me birds don’t cry, I heard it, anyone says different … I’m warnin you … an I started hackin her up with the rake, over and over, till she was all mangled an just crawlin over her children … an then, O my brothers, I pissed on them … I was so fired up, I just had to keep goin. So I urinated all over em, an I knew what I was doin was evil, but it was also beautiful, it was strange … an it wasn’t over yet, cause there I was peein all over those birds an pokin em with my shoe, when all of a sudden I hear: Lukáš! Lukáš, what’re you doing out there, what’re you playing around with? It was my mom an she was standin right there an all at once she saw everything … an there we were, face to face, me with my fly undone … an the birds … an if I’d broken down, maybe, or at least started crying, I might’ve been able to snap out of it … but instead I let out this awful scream, I was scared I was gonna get punished an I hated my mom for catchin me. I punched her in the mouth an shouted every swear word I could think of. She got all frazzled an turned to get away, but that only got me more riled up, so I took the rake an whacked her one, an then another … an she went down, bleedin from her nose, an suddenly it hit me. I threw myself down on the ground next to her an said: Mommy! It’s okay, it’s okay … but she just pushed me away an staggered off. I went an locked myself up in the shed an stayed there, I donno how long, but I guess pretty long, cause when I came out again it was nighttime an the birds were all cleaned up. I noticed right away cause the moon was shining. Somehow I snuck back into the house, an the next day I stayed in bed with a fever. I wished so bad it’d been just a dream. But it wasn’t. My parents never even talked to me about it, just sent me to see some fuckhead psychiatrist, who I told to take his cuntlick questions an shove em up his ass. An my mom never spoke to me again, except for the usuaclass="underline" Do you want milk, or tea? Finish your food, bring me this, show me that, an all that stuff, never asked how I was or … gave me a friendly pat or anything, wouldn’t touch me at all, that was when she cut me loose for good.