“I wonder if we’ll be able to pick it up faster if I give them a certified check tomorrow?” I commented to her.
“The salesman wanted to know about what we were doing with the old one and I told him we were giving it to your sister, so he made an appointment for me to leave it with their shop to be looked at.”
I was on the verge of making a comment about how they had seen her coming, since repair work is a real profit center, but I stopped, my mouth wide open. “You know, actually, that makes pretty good sense. Let’s see what it needs. Suzie won’t have any time or money to fix it.”
“I know it’s overdue for an oil change,” my wife said. “When do you want to get it to her?”
“Let’s shoot for Friday. If we do car stuff tomorrow, maybe they can work on it so we can pick it up on Thursday and drive it out there. Did the moving company call and say when they would be able to move us into the town house?”
“Wednesday.”
“Perfect. We do car stuff tomorrow, move in on Wednesday, settle in on Thursday and look at some property, and visit Suzie on Friday,” I told her. Marilyn nodded in agreement.
Well, the plan sounded good. It didn’t quite work out that way, but it sure sounded good. We ended up spending the entire day Tuesday taking care of the two cars, picking mine up and turning over the Impala, looking at Marilyn’s new Tercel, running around town getting a certified check from my new bank, switching all Marilyn’s crap from her old car to the new one. It was late in the afternoon we finally got it all sorted out. We had insurance through USAA, a small and not well known outfit with excellent service that is operated for the benefit of military officers. I’d heard of it in glowing terms in my first life; now I took advantage of it, since I qualified.
Wednesday we went over to the town house. The movers were late and Charlie was acting fussy, crying and not eating. Worst, he was pulling and tugging at his right ear, a sure sign of an ear infection! We didn’t have a doctor yet. We didn’t even have phones in the town house yet, so I had to run around and find a phone in the complex’ office to call John and ask for his pediatrician’s name, from when his kids were young, but the nurse told me they were booked and suggested taking Charlie to the emergency room. By the time the movers showed, Charlie was screaming. Marilyn would never find the hospital on her own, so I had her go back to the Holiday Inn and try to calm our son down.
I stayed behind at the town house and directed traffic. I knew I was getting some of it wrong, but I wanted the stuff in and the movers gone, so that I could get back with my family and take Charlie to the hospital. I’d just have to move stuff around properly later on. It was a very long day. I got back to the motel, we loaded up a crying baby, and headed to GBMC, where we sat around waiting for a space in the emergency room. It was late when we got out of there, well after dinner. Charlie was on amoxicillin for a week and we stopped at a drive-thru for some food.
Charlie was still fussy on Thursday, which made Marilyn rather short with me. I moved everything in the town house where she wanted it and it still wasn’t right. Some of the crap we just stored in the spare bedroom next to Charlie’s room. He eventually settled down and took a nap, but we kept moving stuff around all day. Friday we stayed home rather than visit Suzie. Charlie was just too fussy. I went back to the Holiday Inn, packed up everything, and officially checked out, none too soon for my taste.
Amazingly, Charlie was starting to settle down by the time I got back, and Ma Bell showed up to plug in some telephones. I had ordered an ‘expedited’ install, so the cost was just slightly less than the cost of the property I was looking at. Maybe we could have twins, and I could sell one of them to pay for the phones.
Our first phone call was to Suzie. She had given us a number for her suite, which certainly sounded nicer than the slums that passed for dorm rooms at Rensselaer. It was a Friday afternoon, so the odds were good she didn’t have any classes, and we got lucky. Marilyn and I had originally wanted to just drive up there and say, “Surprise!” but we came to the conclusion that was probably a lousy idea. We would have to make sure she had time to take it over to Delaware DMV, and get insurance on it.
That part was a bit of a stickler. I had no qualms about giving her the car, and I knew she’d love to have it. It was a reliable little beast, and perfect for a college kid, yet had no real resale value. Still, Suzie would have to foot the bills, and insurance on a 20 year old wouldn’t be cheap. Dad would be happy to pay, but the family couldn’t know I had given it to her. Dad couldn’t keep it a secret from Mom; Mom would come up with all sorts of reasons she couldn’t have it; Hamilton would probably torch it if he knew where it came from.
I dialed her number and after a few rings a female voice came on the line. “Hello?” There were sounds of giggles in the background.
It wasn’t Suzie, so I decided to have some fun. “Is this the residence of Suzanna Elizabeth Buckman,” I asked, in as officious and pompous a voice as I could muster.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
“Please don’t say anything, but is she currently in this residence?”
The girl on the other end started acting serious. “Yes, she’s here. What’s this about?”
“This is Doctor Rufus T. Firefly, from the Johns Hopkins Clinic for Advanced Venereal Disease. Don’t be worried, but we have a team on the way to the residence. We’ll need to quarantine her for exposure to Herpes Simplex 14, the infectious version. Don’t get any closer than you have to but…”
I heard a sharp bang as the phone on the other end of the line clattered onto a hard surface. Next, faintly over the line, I heard the girl yelling, “Suzie!”
“What?” yelled my sister’s voice.
“Some guy says you’ve got the clap!”
“WHAT!?”
Marilyn was looking at me from across the room and giving me the evil eye. “She’s going to kill you, and I’m going to help her!”
“Who is this!?” demanded my sister’s voice angrily.
“Suzie, it’s me, your brother Carl. What’s wrong?”
“Were you fucking with my roommate?” she demanded.
“Suzie! How can you say that?”
“YOU ASSHOLE!” she yelled. Then I could hear her turn away from the phone and yell, “It’s my asshole brother!” Then she got back on the phone with me and asked, “Just what did you tell her?”
“Who? Me? Nothing! Oh, maybe there was a question or two about you and venereal disease…”
“YOU ASSHOLE!”
I laughed. “Is that any way to speak to a guy who’s about to give you a car?”
It took her a second to respond. “What did you say?” This was asked in a much more normal tone.
“We moved back home and I just bought Marilyn a new car. You want the old one? We’re getting it serviced for you right now.”
“Are you serious?” she asked, excitedly.
“You bet. You want it?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, hold on. Marilyn’s here. You two sort it out.” Marilyn had come over, with Charlie on her hip. I handed her the phone and moved into the living room. As I settled into my La-Z-Boy, I heard Marilyn start swearing about me along with my sister. After they talked for a bit, and I came back over. “Let me talk for a minute.”
Marilyn handed me the phone and Charlie grabbed my nose. I pulled back and said, “Suzie?”
“What’s up? This is great!”
“You’re going to have to tell Dad some sort of story about this. You can’t let them know that I’m giving you a car. It will be too much trouble. Dad will put you and the car on his insurance, but when he asks where you got it, just tell him somebody in the dorm moved out or something, and you got it for a song. Spin him a line of BS,” I told her.