“Thanks. I didn’t know what to expect.”
“We’ve been having this little shindig ever since we built the house, back in ’83, and it just keeps getting bigger every year. Last year we started doing a smaller one in the fall, when the kids are playing soccer. We don’t have the pool open then, but we bring over the teams, and let the kids run around. It’s fun.”
“It looks it.” Just then a pair of small ones, maybe four or five, went racing through the kitchen area, so I corralled them and sent them back out the way they came. They went screeching away and headed towards the pool.
“I’m not big on rules, but they might burn themselves on the grill,” I explained. I drank some beer and waved at Brewster, whose eyes widened when he saw me talking to somebody who looked like a reporter. I smiled over my cup. “I bet you didn’t start the week thinking you’d be attending the party of some two-bit Congressional wannabe this weekend.”
“Is that what you think you are? A two-bit wannabe?” he asked. Brewster arrived as the question was raised, and his eyes popped open.
“I think that’s what Andy Stewart thinks of me. What do you think?” I asked.
“I don’t know yet, Mister Buckman…”
“Carl!” I interrupted him.
“… Carl. I have to tell you, I’ve been covering politics a long time now, and I’ve never seen anything like what I saw Sunday morning. What in the world were you thinking?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure now. Mostly I was just incredibly pissed off!” Brew winced at that, since serious people don’t say the words ‘pissed off.’ Screw it, I might be going down, but if so, I’d go down in flames! “The man’s a lying scumbag, and I just got angry! That’s all it was. I lost my temper.”
Tusker had been listening in from by the beer keg. He laughed at this, and Grass looked over at him. If he thought I was informal, I wondered what he thought of Tusker. Tusker had on cutoff shorts and a sleeveless ‘Harley Davidson’ tee shirt, and sandals, with his hair tied together in a pony tail. His shoulder tattoos were quite visible. “Remind me not to piss you off,” he laughed.
“You’re not helping much, buddy,” I told him. “I didn’t need to have a party in order to get grief. I am getting a perfectly fine load of grief from my wife already, thank you very much!”
“Your wife isn’t happy about this?” Grass asked.
Tusker laughed again, especially when Marilyn came up from behind the reporter and answered, “No, she isn’t, and if he ever pulls a stunt like that again, I’m going to kill him!”
“Yes, dear, I promise! I’ll behave!”
She wagged her finger at me and said, “You’d better!” and then stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. She turned to the reporter. “If you want to try fitting into a pair of Carl’s shorts, I can try to find some, but I don’t think he’s your size.”
“That’s all right. I’ll be fine.” Grass was probably about twenty pounds heavier than me, and it was mostly around the middle. Marilyn left, going out to the back yard and greeting some people from Fifth District. She was wearing a tight pair of shorts and a tank top, and looked cuter than hell!
“In case you didn’t figure it out, that was the long suffering wife of the candidate,” I said. “And this is Jim Tusk, my best friend.”
“Really? Don’t take this wrong, but you don’t look like the best friend of a billionaire.”
Tusker laughed. “Really? You don’t say! You’re probably saying he looks like a crazy biker.”
“Actually, yeah.”
Both Tusker and I laughed at that. “Can’t imagine why!” I laughed.
“Well, I am a crazy biker. On the other hand, I’m also the biggest Honda motorcycle dealer in the state, and with any luck, I’ll pick up Harley Davidson this year.”
“Did you hear back from them?” I asked.
“I’ll tell you about it later.” To Grass he said, “Carl’s actually in business with me. He owns ten percent of the dealership.”
“You own a motorcycle dealership?”
“Sure, why not? The financials were good, they had a good business plan, and simply needed some angel investing. That was back in ’82. We’ve known each other for twenty years or so, going back to high school. He might look like a crazy biker, but he’s the smartest biker since Malcolm Forbes! He and Tessa do all right.”
Tusker started handing out a few cups of beer to the guests, and we both refilled our own glasses. I had the grills turned on, and Marilyn brought out a giant Crock-Pot full of Michigan Sauce. “Is the grill ready?” she asked.
“Pretty much.”
“Well the little ones are going to be getting hungry.”
“Okay.” Marilyn went back inside, to check on things. I pulled a stack of burgers and some franks from the refrigerator under the grill. I opened the top of the grill, and started tossing on some burgers and hot dogs. Marilyn brought out a stack of paper plates, and we started lining up some rolls. We had a whole separate table for condiments and veggies and other stuff.
Grass kept asking questions, almost as much about my business as about my politics. Jake Junior introduced him to Barry Bonham from Tough Pup, which had just announced a major expansion. Even though the economy was slowing, people still were paying to take care of their pets. He asked the business people what would happen if I were to win, and they all pretty much shrugged. “Whatever happens, we’re not shutting the company down. I won’t be running it, but what we’ve built is too good to stop,” I explained. The others all agreed with me.
And then we had to stop talking, as the meat cooked and people started lining up for lunch. Some of the little ones had eyes bigger than their stomachs, and wanted two of everything. I would just laugh and tell them to come back for seconds, there was plenty more. Charlie’s friend Johnny Parker came through a second time, after everybody else had firsts. Johnny asked, “Can I have another burger?” I drank some more beer, and smiled over at Bill Grass.
“Please!” prompted his mother, standing behind him.
“Please!” he said.
“I don’t know. Do you want a Republican burger or a Democratic burger?” I asked, giving his mother a wink.
Lurlene Parker laughed at this, and Johnny looked perplexed. “I’m too young to vote.”
I looked over at Grass. “I’m courting the independent vote!” He snorted and laughed. I put a burger on Johnny’s bun, and sent him on his way.
Lurlene held her plate and bun out as well. “What’s the difference between a Republican burger and a Democratic burger?”
“Republican burgers are juicy and delicious. Democratic burgers get dropped on the ground.”
That got another laugh. “Today I’m a Republican.”
“Yeah? Why do I think that is going to last only until you get your burger?”
I put a burger on her bun and sent her off after her son. After she got a few feet from me, she looked back over her shoulder and yelled out, “Vote for Stewart!”
“You’re killing me, Lurlene, you’re killing me! I swear to God, I’m going to raise your taxes, Lurlene!”
She laughed maniacally and wandered off. A minute later I saw her laughing with my wife and a few of the other women. I knew I was going to get requests for a few more Republican burgers before the end of the day. The first request came from Fletcher Donaldson. His I mimed dropping on the grass.
The party began winding down around six or so. We suffered through the usual stuff. A little boy stubbed his toe running around the pool and had to get bandaged up and sent home. Somebody had too much beer and was napping in the pool house. A little girl managed to step in puppy poop that we had missed during the cleanup and cried. By seven it was down to just about a half dozen of us, Marilyn and me, the Tusks, Brew McRiley, Jake Junior and his fiancé, and John and Helen. The reporters had gone and we were all just sitting around the back deck.