She closed her eyes, knowing she couldn’t conceal her scents from Damien but hoping she could keep her eyes and expressions from giving away more.
“I could tie you up,” she pointed out tensely.
“You could. But there are two problems.”
“And those are?”
“You don’t know the ritual, and if I become predatory, there are few bonds that could hold me.”
“Lovely.” Sarcasm dripped from the word.
But she wondered what her real resistance was. She couldn’t deny the way her body had clenched at the thought of being tied up and loved by him. Never had she suspected she might have a hankering to be bound like some kind of sexual conquest. Undeniably, however, the urge was there. At least with Damien.
Now that the image had been planted, she couldn’t escape it. Instead, her mind wandered around the notion of being both helpless and exposed while he loved her in whatever way he chose. Another pulse of desire tightened her core, making her ache so hard.
She knew where he could take her even fully clothed. She had been longing for more ever since. What was she afraid of?
Being helpless? Of course. She hated being helpless. Even as her libido responded powerfully, some part of her resisted. Why?
Because she suddenly felt incredibly and uncharacteristically shy. The notion of helplessness and being fully exposed made her feel like an inexperienced schoolgirl who had never before been touched, who had never before been naked with a man in even the smallest way.
“You have to take charge?” she asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“And I’m supposed to just let you tie me up and use me in whatever way you choose?”
“I would be a tender lover, Schatz. The point of this is pleasure, not humiliation or bad feelings. That would subvert the ritual.”
Her eyes snapped open. “I’d feel a whole lot better about this if I thought you gave a damn about me.”
He appeared astonished, which gave her a small measure of satisfaction. “I don’t call anyone else Schatz.”
“What’s that mean, anyway?”
“Treasure.”
Oh, man, he knew exactly how to slip past her defenses. Treasure? That word hit her right in the heart like a warm dart. She bit her lip. “I need to think about this, Damien. It’s not like we ever really made love before. You’re asking a lot.”
“I know. But I could, right this instant, come to you and love you in all the ways I want, ways that you want, too.”
“As long as I don’t move.”
He nodded. “It’s not that I fear hurting you. I fear forgetting myself and drinking from you at the same time.”
“So I’m still just a food group?”
“You’re far more than that or I wouldn’t even suggest this. Would it make you feel better if I come to you first as an ordinary lover?”
Would it? She didn’t know anymore. How could she when she’d had such an unexpectedly strong response to the idea of being bound by him? “Will it affect the power of the ritual?”
“It might,” he said slowly, almost reluctantly. “These rituals are usually performed by two people who have never been together before.”
“And that enhances the power for both of us? Or just for one of us?”
He shook his head a little. “Schatz, I can’t be certain. My experience in this was always with women who had no powers. You have powers yourself. Why should they not be enhanced for you as they will be for me?”
“Well, that’s the question, isn’t it.” Her voice had grown tart again, tasting almost sour on her own tongue. “I’ve got to think about this, Damien. I feel like I just got sideswiped. And I need to know more.”
“I understand. Perhaps you should do some research on this. But I offer you one warning.”
“What’s that?”
“Your culture tries to make things like this sound bad. Don’t take their word for it. I know from experience just how empowering this would be.”
“In other words, just take your word for it.”
He gave her a lopsided smile. “Yes. I wish you would.”
“Do we need anything for this ritual?”
“I need to find a few things, yes. The bonds must not hurt you. I need to dress you in such a way that you feel comfortable with every step.”
“You need to dress me? Why?”
“Because trying to do this with you in your usual garb would be impossible. A robe. I need a robe for you. And for me. And silken bonds.”
“I have no idea where to find those.” Although in truth she did. Being a cop had taken her to some interesting places. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to shop in them. “I still need to think about this.”
“Of course. I can go out and gather the items we need while you do research at Jude’s if you like. Or we can gather them whenever you are ready. It’s up to you.”
Up to her. That was the damnable part. As much as her body was shrieking yes to the whole idea, her brain was turning traitor and wishing it had no decision to make at all.
Utterly unlike her, she told herself scornfully. Then she wondered if she had ever really known herself. Because here she was, wanting to be tied up by a vampire.
Oh, that really made sense, didn’t it.
She sighed and rubbed her eyes and wished away the edgy nervousness that had filled her ever since he’d brought this up. It was what she had been wanting since she’d met him, wasn’t it? To find out what it would be like to make love with him?
And the little experiences they’d had together had already shown her that he could take her places she had never imagined existed. So why was she being difficult? Why was she fighting what she had wanted?
Simply because he called it a ritual?
What was wrong with that? she asked herself. She’d had a few boyfriends in her time, and sooner or later the sex had become almost ritualistic anyway. The same things, the same way, every time. Once, she’d tried to change that and had lost a boyfriend, who felt she was insulting his skills as a lover.
“What steps are involved?” she asked, hearing a thickening in her own voice, undoubtedly another response to the fires he had stirred in her. She wished she thought he couldn’t hear it, but what the hell. Every time she got wet for him, he knew it. Heck, every time she felt the least arousal he smelled it. She had no secrets. He probably knew exactly how strong her response had been to the idea of having him tie her up. At least so far he had respected her wishes even when they were in conflict with the hormonal flags she must be wearing.
Life used to be so much easier. Having secrets could be a good thing, but it had been stripped from her by a vampire’s knowing nose. Damn it.
“I prepare the space,” he said quietly. “Candles, incense, no distractions. We must be totally focused on one another.”
She couldn’t imagine that that would be a problem.
“We take a ritual bath. It should be together, but we can do it separately if you like. We must cleanse ourselves.”
“Okay.” She envisioned them standing naked in her shower together. No way could the tub hold them both at once.
“Once we are clean of all the lingering detritus of the world, we go to the chamber. There I will make love to you with every bit of skill and power and caring I possess, transporting us to ecstasy, to a place that can be reached no other way. Our gifts will join as our bodies join. And afterward, I shall hold you until the sun makes me go.”
That didn’t sound too bad, she thought. In fact it sounded rather delightful. “Is there a time length or anything?”
He smiled faintly. “If it doesn’t take several hours, then I haven’t loved you properly. Each gift must be cherished, every instant enjoyed.”