What now? The question hovered over her like that elemental she sensed was still nearby.
Once in her apartment, however, things turned disappointingly ordinary. She made more coffee. Damien put the bags in her bedroom, then made his protective circle of salt once again, chanting in that strange language.
Then...nothing. They sat side by side on her couch, not touching. Neither of them moved. Oh, this was going to be maddening. Her nerves were already stretched tight.
Finally his voice filled the silence and agonizing anticipation. “Let’s see how fast you improve,” he said. “We have time.”
Time was what was killing her right now. Nervous as she was, she still wanted him to touch her. Wanted him closer. Even wanted him to drink from her again if that was the most he would do tonight.
It had been such an amazing experience and she was still trying to absorb the fact that giving a vampire her blood could be as pleasurable as any sex she had ever had. More enjoyable, actually.
“Have you fed?” she asked, her voice a little throaty.
“Of course.”
“Oh.”
A quiet chuckle escaped him and she looked at him. Smiling, he reached out to touch her hair, trace her cheek and bring his fingers to rest in the hollow of her throat. “I warned you would want to repeat the experience.”
“So?” His amusement irritated her. “I want to repeat it with you, not with just any vampire. There’s a difference, you know.”
“I know.” His face darkened. “Believe me, I know.” He turned his head, concealing his expression from her briefly. “I know,” he said yet again. “There’s danger there, too, Caro. Don’t become too attached to me. I might not be able to give you what you want.”
“What do you mean?” Her heart sank as she realized that she did want more from him than just a good lay. A lot more.
“I’m not exactly sure,” he admitted. “There’s danger here. I told you of it. But I’ve been around for nearly three millennia, Caro. In all that time I have never claimed anyone. Perhaps I can’t. But I have also never lingered that long with any one person. Perhaps I can’t.”
“So you’ve been a playboy all along?”
He considered before answering. “I suppose you could call it that. But I do have an opinion on this much. There is nothing sadder than to give your heart and not receive a heart in return. After all this time, you are the first to make me wonder if I have a heart. Perhaps I do. But what if you’re unhappy with what comes from that? Or worse, what if it turns out I don’t have a heart to give?”
Her stomach took another plunge to her toes, warning her that she was steadily getting into trouble. But along with that warning came the realization that she might not be able to control this. “That’s a risk in any relationship,” she finally said.
“It is,” he agreed. His fingers caressed her throat, sending shivers of delight to every nerve ending in her body. “I would drink from you, but you’ve been weakened enough by that attack.”
As she watched, his eyes grew golden again, and he smiled. “You are an adventure for me. I like it.”
“I’m an adventure how?”
“You surprise me. You engage me in ways few do. You don’t give in easily to restrictions, yet you enforce restrictions in your job. An interesting mix.”
“There are laws, and then there are other restrictions.”
“True,” he agreed. “But I sense a free spirit behind the uniform and badge. You don’t have to keep it cooped up all the time.”
“What do you mean by free spirit?” Although she liked the sound of it, she wasn’t sure what he meant.
“There’s a person inside who’d like to come out more often. I see glimpses of her. She’s a person who can desire a vampire, consider performing a ritual that scares her, that even wanted to be drunk from just to find out what it was like. The same person who took a dangerous walk today.”
“Maybe not so smart.”
“There’s a wealth of experience to be had by those willing to take the risks. I think you know that. Your job isn’t without its own set of risks.”
That was true. Every day that she put on her uniform, she never knew what she might face. Of one thing she was sure: her job seldom bored her. Maybe that was part of the reason she had chosen it. Not just as a reaction to what her grandmother tried to teach her, not as a reaction to a worldview that hadn’t been able to save her parents.
“I never thought of myself as an adrenaline addict.” But maybe she was.
“I wouldn’t call it that. But I think you like new experiences. You’re curious, and you want to taste a variety of fruit. So let yourself.”
Then he took her by surprise, sliding down the couch a bit and drawing her over until her head rested on his lap. “Do you mind?” he asked, running his fingers through her hair.
“Just don’t act so ordinary I start to expect it from you.”
He cracked a laugh and caressed her cheek with his cool fingertips. “I’ll never be ordinary.”
“Do you wish you were?”
“Before you, never.”
“And now?”
“Now, a few times, I’ve wished I were an ordinary man so I could be what you need.”
“How do you know what I need?” she demanded. But even as she made her demand, she felt the touch of his fingers, oh so gentle, like a caress to her soul. It softened her, and weakened her, in ways she liked. It was almost like a kind of relaxation, almost like the way she felt when she climbed into bed after a hard day. Her soul unleashed a sigh of contentment.
“Sometimes,” he said, “you need a man who doesn’t have to be afraid of comforting you. Or holding you.”
“Are you really that afraid?”
His fingers paused in their light strokes of her cheek and neck. “Not anymore,” he said finally. “Rest a little. Then we’ll see if you’re refreshed enough for the ritual. If not, it’ll have to wait another day.”
“I don’t want to wait. This is nerve-racking. And what if someone else dies?”
“But we can’t proceed if you’re still weak, Schatz. It won’t help either of us. It could even drain one of us. So we’ll wait and see.”
He could tell she didn’t like the part about waiting, but there was nothing else to be done about it. Self-denial in and of itself could enhance one’s strengths. He had frequently practiced it as a priest, often fasting. Then there was the other part—her weakness right now. She might be feeling strong enough, but he could tell she was still not fully recovered. There was a danger in that, the danger that she could take power away from him, albeit unconsciously, to restore her own.
No, this had to be as equal a give-and-take as he could ensure, one that would empower them both, not weaken one of them.
Otherwise he would have gladly started the ritual right this moment. He closed his eyes, his nostrils filled with all her enticing aromas, and imagined how it would be. The ritual cleansing, full of delights itself, to be carried out thoroughly and gently. His hands passing over every inch of her to wash away the detritus of the mundane world, hers washing him the same way.
The mere thought was enough to bring his Hunger to the brink of madness.
Then the candlelit, perfumed room, laying her down in her robe, binding her tenderly to her bed posts so she wouldn’t awaken the predator in him. Uncovering her delights little by little, massaging her with scented oils until her skin gleamed and she was breathless with need for him.
Until she glowed like white-hot fire beneath his ministrations. Oh, that was going to test his self-control.
Yes, he’d done this before, both as mortal and vampire, but it had been centuries since the last time, and he knew it would be a hard test to restrain himself for so long.