Because nothing must be hurried, and he had to be sure they had both reached an absolute fever pitch that could get no higher before they united their powers.
Damn, he was nearly there just thinking about it. But when he opened his eyes, he thought her lovely face still looked a bit tired. When he checked the heat emanations of her body, they didn’t seem quite warm enough.
She wasn’t ready.
And therefore, neither could he be.
He refused to think about how much he wanted her. How easy it would be to fully make love to her right then and there. Take her all the way, finally joining their bodies as they had not yet done. But doing so might affect the ritual badly, and no matter how much he wanted her, he couldn’t risk that.
Never had it been so hard to counsel himself to patience.
Though he might refuse to think about it, his body was throbbing with need for her, every cell shrieking to feed, to love, to take her to that place right between life and death. Sitting here with her head in his lap was one of the hardest things he could remember doing, primarily because it was not simply a step along the road of seduction.
No, he meant to comfort her, to help her rest. To relax. He was not using his wiles to get what he wanted, and that made this very different and a whole lot harder.
He wondered how it would be after the ceremony. Would his Hunger lessen or would it grow? And what if it did grow? Would he have the strength to walk away after they dealt with the bokor?
He had better, because if there was one thing he was absolutely certain about, it was that life with him would not be good for Caro over any sort of long term. A few weeks, a few months, a few years—it would not be good for her. As a mortal, she had needs and wants no vampire could ever slake. She needed to walk in the sun, to have mortal friends, to have the life she had built, not to share the nights with him and only with him. He couldn’t even give her children.
She would not want to come to Cologne either. He could move himself—he had moved himself before many times—but how difficult would he make her life by being the lover she could never introduce to her friends and coworkers, the person who would always lead a shadowy existence on the edges of her life?
She might endure for a short while, but even with the example of Jude and Terri before him, he didn’t believe it could last forever.
Too many sacrifices would be required, and when love required too many of them, things often turned sour. He didn’t want to be the sour note in her life.
So as soon as they faced down this bokor and got rid of the elemental, he would have to leave. For both their sakes.
The thought saddened him more than he would have expected, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Realities were realities, after all.
Caro got some of the sleep her nerves had denied her during the day. She dozed off with her head in the lap of a vampire, feeling oddly comforted. How extraordinary that he could comfort her with gentle caresses when he had warned her repeatedly how dangerous he could be to her.
How strange to sink into dreams of him, dreams of flying across rooftops on his back, dreams of him drinking from her, dreams filled with some of the greatest experiences of her life. Places once beyond her imagining, and now a part of her life. In her dreams, no end loomed before them. It went on forever, that racing ride on his back, that blood sharing, his touches and even his rare laughter.
Then something jolted her instantly awake. Her eyes snapped open and she saw Damien looking down at her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked immediately.
“It’s trying to cross the circle. I guess the bokor no longer cares about witnesses, if he ever did.”
“Can it cross?”
“I doubt it.”
“But why should anything be able to stop it?”
“Because there must be limits on everything. Rules. Can you imagine the total anarchy if there was no veil between worlds? If powers could act without restriction? No, there are always limits. It seems the bokor has lessened a few of his own, but he can’t lessen mine. I’ve restricted this space.”
She didn’t want to sit up, to leave the comforting pillow of his lap, but the need to look around for reassurance took charge. She pushed up until she sat and scanned the room. Everything looked the same. So she closed her eyes and reached out with her other senses.
“It passed Jude’s wards.” The thought scared her.
“Mostly likely because we disturbed them with our comings and goings. If you want, I’ll get out the chrism he left here and restore them. We’ll have to before the ceremony regardless.”
“But you’d have to leave the circle to do that.”
“Yes.”
Her heart squeezed and her chest tightened as she remembered what that thing had tried to do to her on the street earlier. “No. I don’t want you to take that chance. Tell me if I’m wrong, but if you cross that circle, the elemental can get at you.”
“I’m not worried about that. I am worried if I break the circle the elemental might be able to get at you.”
“This is a fine kettle of fish,” she said acidly. “We’re trapped in a circle of salt.”
“Not indefinitely. If the elemental doesn’t withdraw as daylight approaches, I’ll get Jude over here to do some more warding of his own. He’s already outside the circle, so he won’t expose you.”
She leaned forward, sensing that thing just beyond the circle. “Why the hell is it trying so hard now? It must know I can’t do a thing about it.”
“You’d have to ask the bokor, and since we still haven’t found him—or her—that question will have to wait. For whatever reason, you personally became a target. And now the bokor knows you’ve been pushing the elemental back. Whatever his goal, he seems determined to deal with you.”
“I feel like I keep running around the same maypole, never getting any real answers.”
He half smiled. “I agree. It’s becoming a very familiar maypole. If Jude doesn’t find the bokor tonight, we’ll certainly find him once we enhance our powers.”
“How can you be sure of that?”
“Because when I’m in that state I’ve always been able to follow the flow of an energy to its source.”
“Really? And you didn’t bother to mention this sooner? Like days ago?”
He eyed her skeptically. “And what would you have said days ago if I had suggested this ceremony? I think I’d have been lucky to escape with my head still on my shoulders.”
She frowned, knowing he was right. “And you can’t just have your ceremony with someone else?”
“It does me little good if I meld my power with the powerless. You have power, Caro. You know that now. We’ll build on it for both of us. We’ll both become much stronger.”
“I admit I don’t really get how this works.”
“I’m not exactly an expert on the how or why. I just know it works. Just as you know you’re alive and you breathe, I know how to enhance my powers. And yours. I’ve told you before, there are mysteries. Not everything has a specific answer.
“I like answers,” she admitted.
“I have none. Mysteries all.”
“I guess human life is a mystery, too, when you come right down to it.”
“All the chemicals and atoms don’t add up to the mind or soul,” he agreed.
She cocked a brow at him. “Do you think you still have a soul?”
“My old tradition held that I do. Who knows what others would think these days. I shall assume I do until proven otherwise.”
At that she grinned. “I can agree with that.” Then on impulse, she swung around until she straddled his lap, facing him. She liked the look of astonishment on his face. “You told me to be a free spirit.”