“A predator who prefers not to kill,” she remarked.
At that, both Damien and Jude laughed.
Then, without warning, Damien swept her up in his arms. “Time to go home, Schatz.”
Home. Where he’d probably say good-night and maybe goodbye now that the problem was solved.
With a very heavy heart, she let him take her.
Chapter 15
Her apartment still smelled of incense and burned beeswax, and even the faint aroma of rose petals lingered in the air. After what she had been through tonight, she suddenly noticed how small the place was, how little she had really done to make it homey. Why that suddenly seemed important, she didn’t know.
Unless she was trying to avoid thinking about the things that might tear her heart apart.
“Well,” she said brightly, a brightness she definitely did not feel, “I’m home, I’m safe and you no longer need to be my watchdog.”
She thought his eyes narrowed a bit, and he didn’t answer immediately.
“I should vacuum up all the salt,” she prattled on. “Change the sheets, air out the incense...”
She jumped as she realized he was standing right in front of her. “Will you stop doing that?”
“What?”
“Moving so fast I can’t see you. I jump every time.”
“Not every time, Schatz,” he said, reaching out to capture a lock of her hair between his fingers. “Are you giving me my walking papers?”
Was she? The thought made her chest tighten and her throat ache. “Well, I don’t need to be guarded anymore, and you have a life and were talking about going back to Cologne. I just assumed...”
“Are you assuming what I want?” he asked silkily. “Or assuming what you think must be?”
Her mouth turned dry as she saw his eyes grow as dark as night. “What are you asking?”
He hesitated. “I’m asking you if you’re telling me to leave.”
“No!” The word popped out of her instantly, without thought. Truth often did that.
“Then perhaps we should talk,” he said quietly. “Can you just talk with me and not buzz around cleaning?”
She bridled. “Of course I can.”
He motioned to the couch and they sat side by side but not touching.
“You’ve seen how I live,” he said after a moment. “Haunting the night, never seeing the sunlight. My friends are limited to a very few I trust. There is nothing normal about my life, as you would think of normal.”
“Normal is a relative term.”
A smile lifted the corners of his mouth, just barely. “Relative indeed. I live a normal life for a vampire. I have a great many things to amuse me and keep me occupied. By contrast, you have an important job, one I am quite convinced you want to keep. You have friends, and I’m sure you couldn’t introduce me to most of them. I’d make them uneasy, even if they never guessed what I am.”
“So?”
“So?” he repeated.
“Look, if you’re trying to find a graceful way to let me down, don’t bother. I know you plan to leave. I know you plan to go back to Cologne. I get it.”
“I don’t think you get it at all.” He lifted her swiftly until she straddled his lap and had to balance herself with her hands on his shoulders. All of a sudden her growing sorrow gave way to the inevitable passion that was never far away when he was close. She wanted him beyond all reason, even now as she believed he was trying to say goodbye.
She saw him smile as he caught scent of her rising desire. It didn’t bother her anymore that he could read her that way. In fact, it heightened her desire for him. There was something to be said for being emotionally exposed. In its own way it was as frighteningly erotic as being bound to her bed.
“Schatz,” he said.
“Yes?”
“I told you about claiming.”
“Yes, and how much you want to avoid it.”
“I’m not sure you fully understand. Claiming is a matter of life and death for me, not just love. I cannot lose what I claim without losing my sanity or my life. It’s an obsession beyond all obsessions. Were I to claim you, I would need you as much as I need food and air to breathe. You see?”
She nodded. “I can see why you don’t want to do that.”
“Ah, Caro, I think I have already done so. The question is whether you want it.”
“You’ve claimed me?” The words rocketed through her like an explosion, bringing a mixture of joy and fear at once. “How did that happen?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. I’m not in control of it. I thought it might be happening, but last night I was certain. I would have died for you.”
“You said so,” she agreed, still trying to absorb this. Her heart thudded so fast now.
“I meant it. That’s when I knew. But it is not yet final. Much as it would be like walking out into the sun, I could still leave you. The pain would be execrable but most likely survivable. So I ask you, do you want my claiming? Think hard, think carefully. Think of what being with me will do to your life, what it may cost you.”
She tried, but it was getting really hard to think. Every bit of her wanted to lean into him and cry, “Take me forever.”
“I can’t go to Cologne,” she said finally, the only shred of reality she seemed able to cling to.
“I’m not asking you to. I can stay here.”
“It’s my job,” she said almost apologetically. “It means a lot to me.”
“I know, my darling Caro. I know. Of the two of us, it is far easier for me to move here. But think carefully, because once I take the final step, I will not willingly let you go ever again.”
It should have sounded like a threat. Instead, it sounded like the promise of paradise. “Really?”
“Really. Think, Caro, please, for both our sakes. This is one time you won’t be able to change your mind later. Well, you will, but if you do, I’ll have no choice but to end my existence. I don’t want that on your conscience.”
Nor did she. So she closed her eyes and tried to think about all of it. She could still be a detective. She could live with his odd hours as she had discovered. And while she was certain she would have to change her life in some ways, none of them seemed all that important.
She opened her eyes and found him waiting, as still as if he were carved from rock.
“It’s not final yet?”
“No. There’s one more step to take. At this moment, painful though it would be, I could still leave.”
She thought about that. “Is this what you want, Damien?”
“It has happened.”
She didn’t like that answer. “What about love? Do you love me or are you just obsessed?”
“Of course I love you!” He seemed startled. “I have claimed you. No claiming occurs without love.”
“It would have been nice if you’d explained that. How was I supposed to know?” But the fears seemed to be fading, and deep inside she felt almost as if she were purring. “I thought I was going to lose you. I’ve been dreading it for days.”
“Schatz, you will never lose me unless you wish it.”
“I love you,” she admitted.
A smile began to widen on his face. “Truly?”
“Truly. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to stand it if you left. Every time I thought about it, I hurt so much.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. “I will never leave unless you tell me to,” he whispered. “I vow it.”
She knew he was one to keep his vows. Sighing, she let go of everything and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Just one last fear halted her answer. “What happens when I grow old and die? What will you do? I can’t bear to think of you ending your life because of me.”