“Yep, just having a little bit of PTSD. I think you scarred me for life.” She gives me her hand, and we laugh as I help her up. I sit down in the hay, pulling her close to me like I did last night. Her head rests against me as the hayride slowly pulls away. “If anything jumps out at me, I will kill you.”
I tighten my arms around her. “You’re good this time, I promise.”
The hayride takes us past the witches’ house, where the witches hand out Halloween cookies and tell jokes to the kids. After that we end up in the pumpkin patch. The kids start to sprint, running around looking for just the right one. Nina and I don’t get up. I’m enjoying having her in my arms like this so much that I’m almost scared to move.
“Unkey Jake! I found a big one!” Grace shouts from the field.
I laugh before Nina starts to get up. “Sounds like you’re being paged.”
“Yeah, I’ll probably regret the whole ‘we’ll get one as big as we can carry’ thing.” We get off the hayride and find Grace standing by a pumpkin that is absolutely enormous. “This is a really big one.”
“Yeah, but you strong. You can do it!” I’m such a pushover that I lug the huge bastard back to the hayride. This thing is going to cost fifty dollars. It’s worth it though, just to see the smile on her face.
I turn back to her, and see Nina giving her a piggyback ride. I can’t help but watch the scene in front of me. She looks so happy, they both do.
I will work my damnedest to make sure she is happy every day.
Chapter Fifteen
Nina
I lay on the floor of the gym feeling like I might actually die. I look over at Tina. “Isn’t working out supposed to get easier?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t care who you are, these damn classes will never be easy.” Tina and I have been coming to the classes for a little over a month now, and aside from getting to see Jake more, they suck. “Come on, girl, we need to get home and start getting ready for work.”
I stand up groaning loudly from the tightness of my muscles. When I look around to find Jake and say goodbye, I see him talking to Jaimie. That bitch has been giving me dirty looks every time I’m here and is just plain rude. I haven’t brought it up to him because I don’t want him to think I’m jealous or irrational but her very existence bothers me. The only pleasure I have in this whole thing is that I have him and it pisses her off. I walk up to them wrapping my arms around him.
“Hey, babe, you leaving?”
“Yes, I just wanted to say goodbye.” He leans down, placing a kiss on my lips and giving me a hug. “Bye, Jaimie.” She gives me a fake smile and wave.
I walk out to Tina’s car and we head home. Jake and I have been doing great. With each day it feels like I get more and more comfortable with him. He is breaking down my walls and it’s starting to scare me less and less. He’s been so patient with me and the way he touches me is so gentle. I even let him sleep over last night. We haven’t done anything physical beyond kissing yet, I know he wants to I’m just hesitant. Half of me wonders if I’ll be bad at it. He is so much more experienced than me and it’s intimidating.
I have even found myself wanting to talk about Carly to him, but haven’t. I guess I don’t know what to say. I’m not ready to tell him about that night but sometimes he’ll tell me a story that makes me think of her and I want to talk about her. I have been having dreams of her, and not my usual nightmares. I had always dreamt of that night like a recurring reel of bad memories. Now I remember the fun times, before she was depressed, before I lost her. He seems to be changing my whole life and as much as it might make me nervous, I love it.
I have never met anyone like Jake. He has even built a relationship with Tina. He is so funny at times, then other times he is so damn sexy. My will power with holding out on going farther with him has been winding down. I don’t really know how much longer I can take it. He makes me feel and want things that scare me. I want him in every sense of the word.
***
I get to work and Kelly hands me a long rectangular box. Jake still sends things to me a few days a week. “You are lucky girl, the only thing my boyfriend has given me lately is his dirty laundry.”
I laugh and take the box from her. “Thanks, Kel.”
I get into my room eager to see what he has sent. The card only has one word on it:
Soon…
Soon what? The one word holds so much promise and it scares me. I open the box and drop the lid on the floor. There is a single black rose that has wilted. What the hell. I pick up my phone.
Me: Why would you send me that?
Jake: ???
Me: Don’t play stupid, Jake, this is not funny.
My phone begins to ring and I answer it. “What are you talking about, babe?”
“Seriously? I’m talking about the card, the rose, it’s really creepy.” He has a weird sense of humor sometimes but this is going overboard.
“Nina, I didn’t send you anything today.” His words hit me like a rock. If it isn’t from Jake who sent it? My breathing speeds up. What the hell does “soon” mean? “What is going on?” His voice is quick and he sounds alarmed, worried.
“I need to go.” I hang up the phone. The box on the counter is taunting me. I can’t stop looking at it or trying to figure out what it means. I can hear my phone ringing but it sounds so far away. All I can focus on is the box. The dead black rose. The one word, “soon.”
I don’t know how long I stand there in my trance but next thing I know Jake is standing in front of me. “Hey, are you okay? I called you a bunch of times and you didn’t answer.” I don’t respond. His eyes follow mine landing on the box. He walks over to it slowly and seems to inspect it. “Is this what you thought I sent you?” I nod, giving him something.
His arms wrap around me, and I find solace in him. I need him to let me know that everything is going to be okay. I don’t know why but I feel like this box is the beginning of something huge. “What does it mean?”
“I don’t know. It might just be someone’s stupid idea of a joke. What can I do to help? Do you want to see if you can leave early? You can come home with me.” His voice is strong, as strong as I wish I was right now.
“No, I can’t just leave.” He pulls away a bit and looks into my eyes. When he kisses me, it eases my fears. I know that he is here for me. Hopefully, he’s right and it’s just some stupid thing. “I have a few appointments coming up.”
Just then there is a knock at the door. It opens and Kelly peeks her head in. “Nina, your nine a.m. is here.”
I nod then she shuts the door. “I have to work.”
His arms tighten around me. “You sure you’re okay? You seem a little bit shaken up.”
“I am, but I’ll be okay.” I give him a quick kiss before pulling away.
“You want me to get rid of this for you?” I don’t have to turn around and look to know what he is talking about.
“Yes.” He gives me one last kiss on my cheek before leaving.
I shake my hands trying to rid myself of the jitters before I bring my client back. Just breathe. I have always had some anxiety issues. They were really bad after I lost Carly, but have gotten much better. Right now all I want to do is crawl into the fetal position and pretend like nothing is happening.
I take my first three appointments before getting a break. It was actually helpful to be working because it made time go by and provided a distraction for me instead of worrying about whoever sent me that box. I don’t have any more appointments today but I am supposed to be here for walk-ins. I’m tempted to just ask to go home, if I do though I know nothing good will come of it. I will sit on the couch worrying myself to death and ending up no better than I started.