He shakes his head. His eyes are red-rimmed from the unshed tears he seems to be holding back. “I just can’t believe he is gone.”
He takes my hand, and we walk back to the car. They tried to save Ryan. He was on life support for days, but he showed no signs of improvement and the doctors had told his family that there was a very little chance he would ever be able to breathe on his own. When Jake got the news, he was inconsolable. He left the house and apparently went to the gym, beating the bag until his knuckles were bleeding. One of the trainers had called me and told me I should come and get him.
I remember how scared I was that he would blame me. That he wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye because of what happened to one of his best friends because of me. When I finally got to him, he collapsed on the ground. I held him and just let him mourn his friend. We sat on that gym floor for the longest time before he looked at me and reassured me that he didn’t blame me. He thanked me for being there for him, and we went home.
We get in the car and head to Mason’s house where everyone is meeting. Jake doesn’t speak on the car ride over, and I don’t try to force him. I know that he needs time to work through this. Each day he gets a little better, but I think after this group lost Lacey they were completely broken. Now losing Ryan has shattered them once more.
We are the last ones to arrive. When I walk in, Grace runs up to us and gives us a hug. We walk with her into the living room where everyone is sitting, and she runs climbing onto Mason’s lap.
“Daddy, I saw Unkey Ryan!” The room falls silent as we all turn her way.
“Honey, Uncle Ryan had an accident. He’s in heaven now.” Mason’s voice cracks as he tries to explain to her what is going on.
“I know he’s an angel. I saw him in my dreams.” She hugs her doll. “Carly was there too. She had even prettier wings. They told me to tell everyone they are okay.” Grace stands up and walks over to me. “Nina, Unkey Ryan said he is glad you are okay.” All of the air rushes from my lungs. She begins to turn away from me and stops. “I don’t know how you know my dolly, but Carly wants you to know that it wasn’t your fault. She said she loves you.” She skips away from me and back toward Mason.
My eyes well with tears. My hand shakes as I cover my mouth with it. I have always carried the burden of Carly’s death with me. No matter what my mom or Jake said, I felt it was something I could have prevented. I feel like outing Camden might have set her free, and now she has done the same thing for me.
I love you too, Carly.
Epilogue
Nina
Five years later
As I walk into Sam’s house, I groan. I swear this damn pregnancy is going to kill me. I rub my swollen stomach. “Did you have to be four days late, kid? I mean it’s August, and I’m dying here.”
“She’ll be here soon, babe.” Jake rubs my back and even though he is trying to comfort me a part of me just wants to kick him in the balls for doing this to me.
I shoot him a look letting him know I am about to rip off his closest appendage. When I walk into the living room, everyone is already here. Jules and Brian’s son, Christian, is running around while she tries to keep him from waking up their newest addition, Chloe. Jules had her a few months ago, and I’m excited that our girls will be so close in age. That is if mine ever decides it’s time to come out.
Grace comes running up to us. “Aunt Nina, when is the baby coming out?”
“Soon, if she knows what’s good for her.” She laughs at me before rejoining her dad on the couch. I look next to Mason seeing a new face. I turn to Jake silently asking him who that is.
He leans in close to my ear. “That’s Lisa. She was Grace’s teacher last year. They have been seeing each other for the past couple months. Mason swore me to secrecy.”
I elbow in the stomach. “You should have told me.”
Sam comes up to us, a huge smile on her face. “You look like you’re having a rough day, girl.”
“A rough day? Try a rough ten months.” I point to my stomach. “I swear this kid is never going to—” Just then a stream of water flows out of me. “Oh my God!”
“I guess she got sick of your complaining.” Sam smiles at me. Jake is standing there looking at me in shock when Sam nudges his arm. “Hello! She’s having a baby here!”
He snaps out of it. “Shit. Okay, come on.” He takes my hand as I walk with him to the car. I look behind me, completely mortified at the trail of water I left behind. On the drive to the hospital, he grabs my hand. “You okay?”
I nod. My contractions have been happening since yesterday, but they were always really spaced out. Now they are closer together. I can’t believe the time is finally here. Jake and I married about two years ago. When we decided to try and have a baby, I didn’t expect it to happen as soon as it did. I felt like this day would never get here.
***
It’s been six hours, and I finally hear the heavenly words, “You’re ready to push.”
Even with the epidural, I have had so much pressure from the contractions. Jake hasn’t left my side, and I still have to decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Is there a thing as being too helpful? I swear if he asks me if I need anything one more time I might scream.
When the doctor instructs me to, I push as hard as I can. I don’t know if I am strong enough to do this. I have no energy, and I am already spent.
“Come on, babe, it's almost over.”
I squeeze Jake’s hand and groan as I push once more. I feel the relief when she comes out, and my body turns to jelly.
When the nurse hands her to me, she takes my breath away. She is so beautiful.
“She looks just like you.” Jake is standing next to me as we stare at the beautiful angel in my arms. “We are a family now.” He places a kiss on both of our foreheads.
The nurse takes her from us because they need to evaluate her and get me settled into a room. I’m so exhausted that by the time I get to my room, I pass out.
“Nina?”
I open my eyes. “Carly?”
“I can’t stay long.” She looks at the hospital crib next to me, where the baby is sleeping. “She’s beautiful. I know you’re scared, but you will be an amazing mother.” She gives me a hug as a tear slips down my face. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
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