She doesn’t open her eyes.
“I know you hear me! You have got to stop sulking! You’re so depressing, it isn’t funny. Where the hell did my fun twin go?”
Still no response. I’m starting to get pissed off.
I pick up one of her stuffed animals on the floor and chuck it at her face. It simply bounces off of her and knocks over something on the end table. I bend down and notice it’s her Ambien pills; the doctor gave them to her because she was having trouble sleeping at night. The bottle is empty, though, and mom just sent me to pick these up yesterday. A chill runs up my spine.
NO!
I clasp her face. “Carly! Carly, wake up!” Her skin is cold to the touch, and she isn’t responding. “Car, please! I’m sorry for being a bitch these past couple months! Please wake up!” I lay my head on her chest trying to listen for her heartbeat, but deafening silence surrounds me. “Mom!” I shriek as I collapse on top of my sister.
It’s my fault.
I’m so sorry, Carly.
I’ll never forgive myself.
I sit down on the grass and pull my knees to my chest, laying my head on the cold stone. “I miss you so much. If you were here, everything would be so different. When you died, a part of me did too. You were my sister, my other half. Nothing has felt right since the day I lost you. I should have been there for you. I saw how depressed you were. I just thought that it was you being moody. I should have forced you to talk to me. I shouldn’t have accepted you telling me it was nothing.” Tears stream down my face. “You deserved better. If I cared more, if I wasn’t so self-centered, I could have stopped you. I could have helped you, and we could have fought your demons together.”
I wipe my eyes looking up to the sky where I know my sister is an angel. “I can’t let him in, Car. I can’t have someone else depend on me. I can’t let anyone else down the way that I did you. I’ll never forgive myself for losing you.”
I hear a noise behind me and jump. When I turn around, I gasp.
Jake.
Chapter Eight
Jake
I stare at the beautiful broken girl in front of me, and all I want to do is take her pain away. I heard her talking to her sister; I didn’t mean to at first. I was visiting Lacey when I saw her walking. I only meant to come say hi, but she was already talking when I reached her.
“What are you doing? I get that you think this cat and mouse shit is fun, but how dare you follow me here!” She’s crying and her voice trembles as she raises her voice at me.
“Nina I didn’t—”
“No! You didn’t! This is private! Get out of here and leave me the hell alone. I mean it this time, stay away from me or I will call the cops!” She turns her back on me, and I want to explain why I was here, and that I wasn’t following her. I know though that if I try to talk to her now it won’t do any good.
I turn back to my car and pull away from the cemetery. Instead of going home, I go over to Brian’s house. I need some advice at this point because I’m stuck. I kind of hope Jules is home because she knows Nina, maybe she can give me some insight.
Jules answers the door after a few minutes. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I need to talk.” She opens the door and invites me in, following me into the living room. “I don’t know what to do, Jules. I like Nina; I’m not sure what it is that’s drawing me to her, but it’s strong. She keeps pushing me away, though. And now I think she might hate me.” My hands rub the back of my neck in frustration.
“Why would she hate you?”
I tell Jules about the cemetery and overhearing everything Nina said. I don’t go into detail because it’s not my story to tell. “I don’t know what to do now. I tried to call her and leave her a message, but I think she has me blocked. I was making progress with her. It wasn’t anything big, but it was progress. Now I fucked it all up.”
“Jake, I think that right now you need to give her some time. One, you have to let her cool down, and, two, you need to let her process everything.”
“I don’t want her to think I gave up, though.” I know that is what she is expecting me to do. It's what she has expected since the first day.
“You don’t need to give up on her, just give her space.”
I nod.
I’ll give her space but at the same time I’ll make sure she knows I am still here.
***
It’s been a week since I have seen Nina. I haven’t stopped by or tried to call her at all, but I have reminded her that I’m here every day. Every morning at ten a.m. I have had flowers delivered to her work and over the weekend they were sent to her house. Today, I am going to see her. I booked a massage under the name Shawn and I am going to surprise her. I also made sure I was her last appointment since I know what time she gets done each day, and I’m not sure how all of this will turn out.
I hear her voice. “Shawn?”
When I stand up and turn toward her, the shock on her face is evident. I can tell she wants to yell at me, but she is at work and has to keep her cool, which is what I was counting on. I follow her back to the room much like I did when we first met.
As soon as the door closes, she turns to me with a fire in her eyes. “How dare you come here? This is my work, Jake!” she whisper yells at me.
“I know, but I also know you wouldn’t have given me the time of day outside of here. I need to talk to you.” I sit on the table, but she remains in place with her arms crossed.
“No, you need to leave.” Her voice is hard, but there is a slight tremble in it.
“Well, I paid for an hour, so you’re mine until then.” I smile at her in hopes of breaking her anger, no luck.
She presses buttons on a timer. “Your time is ticking.”
“I didn’t follow you to the cemetery, Nina, I was visiting a friend we lost a few years ago. I was just going to say hi, but then I heard you talking. You sounded so sad, all I wanted to do was be there for you.” I pray that she believes me.
“I don’t need anyone to be there for me, and you had no right to listen to my conversation.” Her eyes are welling up with unshed tears.
I stand up and walk over to where she is, bracing my hands on the door beside her and resting my forehead on hers. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull back from the contact. “I get why you are pushing me away. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. I’ve proven to you that you aren’t getting rid of me. You might think you don’t need anyone, but you do, and that’s okay. We all need someone. Let yourself need me.” I hear the large inhale of breath she takes and how shaky it is. “Don’t be scared to jump, I won’t let you fall.”
She moves forward a couple inches and touches her lips to mine. I want to react, to deepen the kiss and show her how I feel, but I don’t. I let her move at her own pace. Her arms uncross, and her hands slowly wrap around my neck. I kiss her back but still make no other moves, leaving her in control.
Her mouth pulls away from me. “I’m scared.” Her eyes are full of fear and uneasiness.
I take her hand and walk over to the table. “Lie down. I want to hold you.” She is hesitant at first but lies down next to me, facing me. I wrap my arms around her tiny body. “Focus on my arms around you. They’re a shield, stopping anyone and anything from hurting you. Nothing can break through. You’re safe.”