“I wasn’t wrong,” Jerico murmured, trying to sleep. Night had finally come, and no one had been happier to see the rise of the moon than him. Free of his armor, he tried to relax, and force his mind from the hundred horror stories he’d had confessed to him. He tried to forget Barry’s wail, forget that single look of betrayal Beth had given him when she’d turned his way. Unable to help it, Jerico felt tears slide down his face.
The door to his hut opened. For some reason, Jerico knew who would be there.
“Close the door,” he said. “I would hate for anyone to see you like this.”
Barry stood at the entrance. In one hand he held a bottle, in the other, a knife.
“I ain’t afraid of what they’ll say,” the man said, his speech slurred from the alcohol. “You think I care?”
He stepped further in, and the door shut behind him. Jerico sat up, glancing toward his mace and shield. If he acted quick, he could still retrieve them. But he didn’t.
“What are you here for, Barry?” he asked.
“You,” he said. He sniffed, and his red eyes were heavy with tears. “My Jess… they say she ran. The others, the ones that didn’t fight it… but no, Jess ran. Stupid woman, she ran, and now who’ll raise my boys? Me?”
He laughed, the bottle swinging loosely in his hand.
“I’m no good. Never been. Was lucky enough to get Jess. Why’d you do it, Jerico? Don’t you ever think? Every damn peasant boy knows you leave a lord’s knights well enough alone. Boys! But you… you…”
He waved the knife, and he took an uncertain step toward him. Jerico remained still, refusing to look away from that pained gaze.
“Are you here to kill me, Barry?”
Barry laughed.
“Maybe. Maybe not. Don’t think even the gods know what I’m gonna do, but I know what I want to do. I want to jam this knife so far down your throat you choke on my elbow. You were supposed to help us, Jerico. You were supposed to help us…”
Jerico stood slowly to make sure Barry knew he posed no threat. From the corner of his eye he watched the unsteady knife. So far it wasn’t poised to stab. Not yet, but close.
“Tell me what you want,” he said. “Tell me, so I may grant it.”
Barry pointed the knife at him.
“I want you to know you was wrong. I want to hear it from you. I want a goddamn apology. Don’t you get it? This is all your fault, and I won’t let you say otherwise. I won’t let you!”
Jerico took a deep breath. He would not lie, not now, not ever. He doubted anything he could say would comfort him, so he spoke the truth and prayed it would be enough.
“I’m not sorry,” he said. “Not for saving that woman. Not for doing what we both know was right. The only thing I’m sorry for is that I wasn’t here to protect everyone. That I couldn’t have died with my shield on my arm and my mace in my hand, standing against those knights, be they a hundred or a hundred thousand. I’m just one man, Barry. One man, foolish, weak, exhausted, and alone. Take my life if you want it. I won’t stop you.”
Barry flung his bottle to the ground, where it shattered.
“You think you can talk yourself outta this? You think I won’t do it? I will. I fucking will!”
“You won’t.”
Kaide stepped inside, his dirk drawn. He glanced at the broken bottle, then at Jerico.
“Go back to your boys, Barry,” Kaide said. “I’d hate for you to do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”
Barry wavered, and he looked like a mouse caught between two cats. The knife shook in his unsteady hand.
“He ain’t worth it,” he said, putting away the knife. His shoulder bumped into Kaide’s as he walked out of the hut. “I thought he was, but he ain’t.”
Kaide watched him go, then shut the door behind him.
“Thank you,” Jerico said.
“Forget it. He’s right, you know? You don’t tease a boar, then turn your back to it. You let this entire village suffer, and for what? So you could play the hero? Feel better about yourself? What you stopped happens every day in every single village across Dezrel. It’s shit, it’s wrong, but so’s a hundred other things. We close our eyes, clench our teeth, and endure until we have the strength to fight back.”
“You ask the impossible, Kaide. If I see an innocent suffering harm, I’ll stop it. I won’t keep my hands still because I fear the reactions of an evil world.”
Kaide rolled his eyes.
“Such prepared, proud words that don’t mean shit. We’re not you. What do you think would have happened if this village had fought back?”
“I have no delusions,” said Jerico. “I’ll die one day, probably soon, and it’ll be defending someone without the strength to defend themselves. Just because I die doesn’t mean it was wrong to do so. If your private war against Sebastian never succeeds, does that mean you were wrong to fight him? We must fight, and fight, so that this dark world knows hope. One day, maybe it will even know victory. I pray to Ashhur it does.”
Kaide crossed his arms and looked away. His voice softened.
“This is as much my fault as yours either way. If not for my rebellion, Sebastian might have ignored this, or only sent a few to find out who had struck at the knight.”
Jerico put a hand on Kaide’s shoulder.
“Blame the evil on those who committed it,” he said. “Not yourself. Not others. Sebastian sent the knights, and the knights themselves burned, looted, and raped. If you must feel wrath, then direct it at them.”
Kaide looked at him with an expression akin to wonder.
“Do you really feel no regret? No remorse? Are you not even human?”
Jerico chuckled, even though he felt ready to collapse from his exhaustion.
“I do. More keenly than you could know. I could have protected her, Kaide. Beth wanted to come with me, but I refused. I told her to remain here. When the knights came, when they… she could have been safe. I was angry. Bitter. I should have said yes. I should have… the way she looked at me, she knows it, too. I’m sorry, Kaide. I should have stayed. I could have given myself up, and spared the rest of the village.”
“And not fought?”
“I’ll die to protect others. If that is what it would have taken, then yes.”
The bandit leader walked to the door, and he rested his weight against it as he thought.
“You confuse me, paladin. But at least I know I can trust you. This is the last straw. Sebastian’s gone too far. Stories of this will spread throughout the North, and we must fan the flames of rebellion while we still can. Tomorrow morning, we ride. I have one ally, and he must be spurred into action. The time for secrecy and stealth is over.”
“And who is this ally?” Jerico asked.
Kaide glanced at him, a tired grin on his face.
“Arthur Hemman, Sebastian’s disgraced brother.”
*
Barry remained behind to oversee the rebuilding efforts, as well as bring in more men from the forest hideout. Food would be scarce, but Kaide had kept a small amount of gold from being distributed, and he told Barry to use all of it to prevent them from starving.
“No loved one of mine goes hungry,” he had said before they rode northwest. “Not now. Not ever again.”
They packed light, Kaide insisting they could fill their packs on the trip there.
“I’ve given nearly every village at least one satchel of gold,” he said as they rode. “If there’s a man more beloved in the North than I, I’d like to meet him.”
“Nothing says loyalty like stolen coin,” Jerico said. Kaide glared but let the matter drop. He was right about the supplies, Jerico soon found out. They stopped at three different villages, and the men and women warmed immediately to their presence when they heard Kaide’s name. After the third, they avoided the towns, for their packs overflowed with waterskins and salted meats, and Kaide wanted no more risk of Sebastian hearing of his ride.
“Where is it we go?” Jerico asked near the end of the first day as they stopped at a spring for their horses to rest and drink.