"What do you do with a drunken satyr? What do you do with a drunken satyr?" Freezia began then paused.
"I dunno!" Pologne said, a trifle unsteadily. "What comes after that? I've forgotten the words."
"Shing it again!" Melvine's voice quavered. He lost his grip and slid off Freezia to the floor.
"What do you do—hiya, Skeeve! Hiya, Bunny," Jinetta said, grinning at us with every tooth showing.
"Teach! Howya doin'?" Melvine shouted. He was dressed in a plaid kilt with a flowered shirt the sleeves of which were rolled up to let his hands stick out. He waved his arms to get his balance and sat up. "We're back!" He fell down again. "Uggghh. I don't feel so well."
"Here's the book!" Bee said, thrusting a blue leather-bound volume into my arms. He wore a pie-eyed expression, not as far gone as Melvine but still well on his way to ethanol poisoning. He had a suspicious-looking mark on his neck. I peered closer. He backed away.
"Line of duty, sir," he explained. "One of the hostiles— er, wasn't really hostile, sir. She was kinda friendly, really."
"No questions asked," I assured him. "So, you were successful! Congratulations!"
"Yes, sir," Bee barked out. "We arrived at approximately ten in the evening Limbo local time, sir! Observed some local native inhabitant residents of the dimension and created disguise spells appropriate to blend in with them. Proceeded along road according to instructions, following turns indicated on the map carried by Mission Commander Jinetta! Isn't that right, ma'am?"
"Why, yes!" Jinetta said. "You're telling it very well. Go on."
"Ma'am! We proceeded to the domicile inhabited by the Woof Writers, sir! Except it was also inhabited by fifteen other people, wearing really strange clothing..."
"They said it was Klahth clobber," Melvine said. "I didn't see any clobber. They told me to look closely, then they clobbered me. It was a joke, get it? I mean, aren't these the most awesome threads you have ever seen?"
"Identified ourselves as 'friends of Skeeve' to Subject One, Drachir, Woof Writer. They have impressive teeth, sir."
"I know," I said.
"We joined the gathering. At approximately +80 minutes into mission, Subject Two, Idnew, issued refreshments. They were unfamiliar, but we felt required to partake in order not to appear out of place. Sausage pizza, salad and cannoli, according to Freezia's interpretation."
"I looked it up," the smallest Pervect giggled then hiccuped.
"The additional people, who identified themselves as Klahths— I can give you a full list of their names if you want, sir!"
"No, thanks," I said.
"They ate the food with some difficulty. Thanks to your training, sir, we were able to consume the offered rations. I thought they tasted okay, sir."
"Horrible!" Jinetta shuddered. "Crunchy leaves!"
"Then they started daring each other to take a drink. Then they dared us. The beverage tasted like plain old whiskey to me, sir. It was no trouble to drink it, sir. It was pretty smooth."
"Hundred-year-old, single malt Dragoncroft," Melvine said with a reminiscent smile on his face. "Can you believe it? They were chugging it down like rotgut. 'Course, some people don't know how to hold their liquor anyhow." He glared at the Pervects.
"Tasted pretty good for non-Pervect liquor," Jinetta admitted. "Then they brought out the red stuff."
"Blood?" I asked, blanching.
"Er, no. They called it bug juice. I have to tell you, Skeeve, at home I never drink bugs, but this was very nice! I must start trying off-dimension food."
"Me, too," Free2ia put in.
"Not of animal origin," Tolk assured me. "Plant. Fruit, really. Fermented. I made sure it was safe before I let anyone drink it."
"I dunno why you said it was dangerous," Pologne said. The veins in her own orbs were bulging slightly. "Those are some of the nicest people I've ever met!"
"They started a sing-along. Jinetta taught them our school fight song."
"She charmed them," Freezia insisted. "They were nervous about strangers, but Jinetta made them feel as though they have known us all their lives. Tolk did, too. They never suspected we weren't Limboans."
"Aooooo!" Tolk said, his nose raised toward the ceiling. "Aaa—cough cough! Boy, that's going to take some practice!"
"What is?"
The Canidian trotted in a circle around me. "The Woof Writers made me an honorary Werewolf. It was intense! All I have to do is to learn to howl properly. They said I'm awful but I could learn!"
"They didn't mean you were really awful," Jinetta said. "They were just joking. Very helpful."
"Until we asked for the object of our mission," Bee reminded her.
"Oh, yeah—"
"What was the problem?"
"Well, sir, it took a while for me to be able to ask about the book. I got kind of interested in my surroundings—"
"In that GIRL," Tolk teased him.
"Er, yeah," Bee said, blushing. "She was, uh, a friendly neutral. I think maybe I had too much to drink, sir."
Jinetta raised a finger. "I remembered about it. Idnew said she couldn't remember where she had put it. Drachir said we'd all hunt for it. It turned out we had been using it as a tray for the chips and dip. Well, as soon as I moved the food off of it, the Klahths grabbed it. I tried to get it back, but they started playing keep-away with it. Just like little children," she fumed. "So, I levitated it back to me. I'm afraid it frightened them."
"Such a natural little action," Free2ia said, "and they all stampeded to the far end of the room!"
"I remembered that you said they don't do magik, so I laughed." She essayed a high chuckle. "Then I said it was a party trick. You do party tricks at parties, don't you?"
"Drachir backed us up," Tolk said. "What a guy! What a guy!"
"He didn't want a riot starting in his own house," I said drily.
"So they all wanted to see it again," Jinetta continued. "They took back the book. I got very angry and stamped my foot. I went after the Klahth who had it. I'm afraid I threw some people around." She hiccuped. "I guess I'm stronger than I thought."
"One of them went right through the window,'' Pologne added.
"Then it got kinda complicated," Bee said.
"A brawl," Melvine explained. "A real brawl. It was great. I kept the bottles and things from hitting the girls."
"But you saved the day," Jinetta said, putting her arms around Bee. "We couldn't get near the person with our book, and time was running out. Then Bee thrust out his hands, and the book came FLYING back to us—with the Klahth still attached to it! I didn't know he could do anything like that. He hasn't been able to in all these weeks!"
"I didn't know he could, either," I said in surprise.
"I've been practicing, sir," Bee said, his face red. "Late at night, out in the stables. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, sir. Your dragon thought it was kind of fun to watch me. Last night I even levitated him. That was why the Klahth was no problem."
I was speechless. So that was the source of the mysterious banging. Bee must have dropped a heavy object. I glanced at Gleep. My dragon gave me an infinitely innocent blue-eyed gaze then winked one eye at me.
"I'm proud of you, Bee, especially for showing such initiative on your own. I'm proud of all of you!"
"We've prepared a feast in your honor," Bunny said. "Come on in. We've been waiting for you."
The Pervects looked pale. "Maybe just a few skyrerth on toast," Freezia said. "I don't think I could face much else."
"Me, either," Bee said.
They looked a little peaked at first, but the smell of good food revived their appetites. When we had all pushed our bowls away, I got up to make a speech. I'd been thinking all day about what to say, but I tossed all of my mental notes aside at the sight of the six of them talking and laughing together, the way they had when we returned from their first successful job.
"First of all," I said, raising my wine glass, "here's to the first, and probably only, Myth-a-Technic University graduating class. You've all done better than I ever thought you could, especially with me as your teacher. I've only had one apprentice before, and I think she owes a lot more of her success to what she thinks she got out of me than what she really did. I believe you're the same. I have offered you the wisdom of my friends and colleagues, because that's what enabled me to get along in life. I couldn't make you take it or use it, but you have. And, I feel, you will use it to achieve great things in life. For that you deserve congratulations."