The Gargoyle shoved away her empty bowl and rose to her feet with her hands clasped in victory.
The female commentator flew to her side and held out the microphone.
"Congratulations, Nita, and with five minutes to go!"
"Thanks," the Gargoyle said, winking at her companions. "And I just want to say—ulp."
"You want to say ulp?" the Sittacomedian asked, with a puzzled glance she shared with the audience.
"I mean—urp!"
"And what does that mean?"
The meaning became evident a moment later. Nita the Gargoyle dashed for the nearest receptacle and rejected the vile green and yellow mess that she had eaten.
"Too bad!" Schlein boomed, sympathetically. "Only two contestants left. Will they make it?"
I crossed my fingers. Bee was doing well. Except to stun his food long enough to eat it, he didn't look at it. Each bite went down very, very carefully, and he waited in between each to make sure it wasn't going to come up.
Crasmer was following a similar pattern. The Pervect challenger looked nauseated. There weren't many things one of his kind couldn't eat, in spite of the difficulty I'd had convincing my students of that, but unrefined minerals had to be on the short list. Scoop, crunch, gulp. Scoop, crunch, gulp.
Slam, scoop, gulp.
Scoop, crunch, gulp.
It was neck-and-neck to see who would finish first. Two more bites to go. One more—!
"That was it!" Schlein announced. "And here's the bell! We have two winners! Step up, kids. And how was it?"
"Awful," Bee said. "Worse than army food."
"Ha-ha," Schlein said. "How about you, Crasmer?"
"What he said," Crasmer agreed.
"Well, there you have it, folks! Going to the final round are the Sorcerer's Apprentices and the All-Pervects, your Perv home team!"
The audience didn't need the fireflies to go completely insane with joy. Bunny and I danced around the Geek's little office. On the ampitheater floor, the teams ran out to congratulate their champions. Both contestants waved bravely to the audiences.
"Stay tuned for the Monster Monster Challenge. And now, a word from our sponsor, Blix Restaurants. If you want the finest in Pervish cooking, or the best sausages, cabbage or stuffed peppers from any dimension, eat at Blix!"
At the very mention of food, Bee turned green. Crasmer turned greener. In unison, as if they had rehearsed it, they were violently sick. Stagehands rushed in with wands to clean up.
As soon as the lights went down, I saw Bee and Crasmer being sick. It didn't matter—the lights had already gone down. They had succeeded, and without any interference from the Geek's tweaking the odds.
"Who woulda known that the Troll was allergic to spiders?" he asked innocently.
Well, almost no interference.
"What happens now?" I demanded.
"Well," Bunny began animatedly, "the remaining teams have to make it through a maze. In the maze is a fearsome monster. The one you face is chosen at random depending on the color of the marble you pick out of the lottery box—Oh, I'm so sorry, Geek! You tell it."
The Geek sat back with a big smile on his face. "It's okay, honey. I don't mind a bit. You just proved you're a fan. Wouldja like to make a commercial for me? With those gorgeous looks of yours, I know I could get some more viewers."
"Well," Bunny was flattered, "I'll think about it."
"How about the Great Skeeve? Is he a fan, too?"
"He doesn't watch game shows," I said flatly.
"Too bad. An endorsement like his would be worth a fortune." The Geek sighed. "Let's go congratulate the winners."
Chapter Twenty-Six
"Follow the yellow brick road." I. JONES, PH.D
"And now," Schlein boomed, "the final team elimination! And, folks, we've seen plenty of teams eliminated down to the last player, right here! Yes, indeed, it's the Monster Monster Challenge!"
"Congrats to both of you," the Geek said. We had landed on the main floor. Bee was still pale from his ordeal, but he looked okay. I didn't want to have to call for a doctor, not when the group was so close to achieving its goal. Incredible danger still lay ahead. On the way down, Bunny had regaled me with a list of monsters that the teams had faced in this contest before. It read like a Who's Who in Killing and Dismemberment. The Geek was pulled aside to review a list one of the Sittacomedian girls had on her clipboard.
"Hey, babe," Crasmer said, leering at Pologne. "Why are you hanging around with lowlifes like that Klahd? You ought to come over to our team. We're the winners. Not second-rate species like those."
Pologne snarled at him. "Are you insulting my friends, you ugly creature?" She raised a manicured set of talons and beckoned dangerously. "Come on over here and say that again!"
"Now, now," I said, getting in between them. "Nice job you did on the last round," I congratulated the Pervish champion. I gave him a hearty slap on the back with a solid magikal kicker. It knocked him stumbling. I grinned at my students, hoping none of them could penetrate my disguise. "Good luck to all of you in the final round."
"Thanks," Crasmer said.
I turned to the Sorcerer's Apprentices. "That was heroic of you, kid," I said, slapping Bee on the back in turn. "It ain't every demon who can face a bowl of Pervish food and live."
"Well, it wasn't the first time," Bee admitted. "Master S— my last teacher got me to try it."
"Like it?"
"Not a chance! No offense, sir!"
Apparently the name of Skeeve was not to be said out loud in this venue. I was amused.
Jinetta shot me a conspiratorial wink. "His teacher had us try a lot of things we would never have done before."
"Like teaming up," Melvine put in. "I'm not much for running with packs, but these kids have gotten to be my best friends."
"We put up with him," Pologne said. The two of them made faces at each other, but I could tell it was affectionate banter. I hoped Markie could see it from wherever she was watching. Maybe I had launched M.Y.T.H., Inc., Mark II.
Tolk leaned against Freezia, who was idly scratching his ears. The Canidian perked up suddenly, and came ambling over on all fours to sniff my wrist up and down.
"Hey, cut that out!" I roared.
"Sure sure sure," Tolk said, retreating. Instead of the suspicious expression he had worn before, he had a silly grin on his face.
"Oops," Bunny said.
"I better get out of here before Bee does Dispell on me," I whispered to her. I turned to the contestants. "Good luck to you all, and may the best team win."
We hurried back to the bubble.
The Geek did his round of handshakes then joined us.
"Now, we're gonna see some action," he said, rubbing his hands together. "We hire one of the local supermodels for this part."
A very slim, very tall Pervect female in a tight, pale yellow evening dress sashayed out of the darkness carrying a ceramic box that rattled as she walked. Wild whistling erupted.
"Now, calm down, gentlemen," Schlein instructed the audience, coming over to offer an elbow to the young lady. He
escorted her to a fancy carved table. "It's time to draw lots then meet your monster!"
A hulking Pervect male came forward.
"Brucel will draw for the All-Pervects."
After a hasty conference, Tolk was urged up to the table.
"And Tolk for the Sorcerer's Apprentices."
I folded my arms to wait for the results. The Geek took my action as a criticism. He ran a finger around inside his collar.
"Aahz, I want you to know this is fair. It's entirely fair, I promise! I can't help it if the monsters are killers! It's all part of the game."
"Yeah, yeah." I steeled myself. This was my own doing. I had demanded a fair competition, and to make it fair, I had to stay out of it. This might be the hardest thing I had ever done. Whatever happened, I had prepared my students as well as I could, considering their inexperience, and I had ensured that they had an honest chance. They wanted to do this. They had come here willingly to be part of Sink or Swim, and they had earned the opportunity to go all the way. I couldn't do a thing without calling a halt to the entire proceedings. I looked down at my apprentices sadly. "I know."