Shoes
The ideal shoe for the career woman is the basic pump with a “sensible” heel, by which I mean a heel that will just fit through the holes in a standard street grate.
Chapter Eight. Sales
What makes a good salesperson? In an effort to answer that question, I asked my research associates to interview the top 100 salespeople, based on dollar volume, in the nation. Naturally, my associates refused to do this. I wouldn’t have done it either. Life is hard enough without voluntarily subjecting yourself to top salespeople.
What we can learn from this research is that if you want to become a top salesperson, you must develop drive, determination, and persistence such that people do not wish to be within thousands of yards of you. How can you become this kind of person? By BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. You must develop a FAITH IN YOUR OWN ABILITIES so strong that YOU DON’T FEEL THE LEAST BIT EMBARRASSED ABOUT ACTING LIKE A SCUZZBAG. You don’t get this kind of confidence from other people; it has to COME FROM WITHIN, from having a comprehensive, meaningful, and deep-rooted PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE based on TIMELESS TRUTHS, which you get from MOTIVATIONAL BOOKS THAT ARE ALSO AVAILABLE ON CASSETTE TAPES COSTING $49.95 PER SET.
Without question, the number-one cassette thinker in the world today is Dr. Lance M. Canker, the man whose famous motivational tape “Dare to Be a jerk” is believed to be the single biggest factor in the historic decision by Coca-Cola executives to change the Coke formula so it tasted more like children’s cough syrup. Dr. Canker, who has had a lifelong interest in motivational thinking ever since 1963, when he had his name legally changed from “Lance Canker” to “Dr. Lance Canker,” has written a number of self-help books, including the hugely popular God, Are You Fat! But his greatest contribution to the business world is his classic how-to-sell book Buy This Book or You’ll Starve to Death, which is filled with true-life inspirational anecdotes such as these:
Not long ago, I gave a dinner party attended by every major Western head of state and a young man I’ll call
“Jon.” Although he is attractive, intelligent, and talented, “Jon” was a very unhappy person, and he was thinking of killing himself. So I took him aside.
“‘Jon,’” I said. “Lighten up.” Today, he is the president of General Motors.
Not long after that, I got a telephone call from a major world religious leader, whom I’ll call “the Pope.” Although he is attractive, intelligent, and talented, he was feeling tremendous anxiety about the fate of mankind.
“Hey,” I advised him. “Forget it.” And today he, too, is the president of General Motors.
Using proven techniques such as these, Dr. Canker shows in Buy This Book or You’ll Starve to Death how any member of the vertebrate family can develop powerful selling skills. In this chapter, we shall draw extensively on the information contained in Dr. Canker’s book, and by the time Dr. Canker finds out about this, we shall be long gone.
Rule #1: Maintain Eye Contact With The Prospect At All Times No Matter What
This is extremely important. If the prospect tries to glance out the window, you must race over and stand in front of the window. If you hand him a document and he attempts to read it, you must place your head between the document and his eyes. If he goes to the bathroom, you must maintain eye contact as best you can from the adjacent stall or urinal. This may make you uncomfortable, especially if you and the prospect happen to belong to differing sexes, but if you don’t do it, you’ll give the impression that you’re not being totally honest and you don’t truly believe in your product, whatever the hell it is.
COMMON QUESTION #1: What if the prospect is blind? ANSWER: Then you must maintain knee contact.
COMMON QUESTION #2: Well, what if the prospect is blind and has a wooden leg? ANSWER: Well, then you would ...
COMMON QUESTION #3: Also he’s in a coma. ANSWER: Hey! These aren’t common questions!
Rule #2: Call The Prospect By His First Name A Lot, Because He Might Forget You’re Talking To Him
WRONG: “Bob, have you ever given any thought as to who would provide for the financial security of your wife and children if, God forbid, you were to be killed by falling cement?”
RIGHT: “Bob, have you, Bob, ever given any thought as to who would provide for the financial security of your, Bob’s, wife and children if you, Bob, were to be killed by falling cement, Bob? Huh? Bob?”
Rule #3: Learn To Read The Prospect’s “Body Language”
If you’ve ever driven on the Long Island Expressway, you know that people often communicate to each other “nonverbally,” which means rather than using words, they use fingers, arm gestures, facial expressions, teeth, knives, etc. As a smart salesperson, you must learn to “read” the prospect’s body language so you can take appropriate action, such as shielding your face.
Rule #4: Get The Prospect Into A “Yes” Frame Of Mind
The way you do this is by making a series of statements that the prospect cannot help but agree with. Let’s listen in to this actual transcript of a top salesperson applying this technique:
SALESPERSON: Hi, Bob! Great to see you! Bob, I want to thank you for giving me an appointment. Bob.
PROSPECT: I didn’t give you an appointment. You got in here by sedating my receptionist with chloroform.
SALESPERSON: Ha ha! Bob, Bob, Bob. I can’t put anything over on you, can I? But seriously, Bob, wouldn’t you agree that Adolf Hitler was a bad person?
PROSPECT: Well, yes, but I ...
SALESPERSON: And don’t you feel, Bob, that child abuse is wrong?
PROSPECT: Of course. Sure. I mean ...
SALESPERSON (swinging a watch back and forth rhythmically on a chain): And would it not be correct to state, Bob, that in a right triangle, the square of the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares of the other two sides?
PROSPECT (getting drowsy): Whatever you say.
At this point, if you have the prospect in a positive enough mood, you may be able to simply take his wallet. Otherwise you should go on to Rule #5.
Rule #5: Ask For The Sale
Be direct. Something like: “Bob, how about a large order for whatever it is I’m selling?”
Usually the prospect will balk, offering any one of a number of standard excuses, such as:
“I want to think about it.” “I want to talk to my husband or wife about it, depending on what sex I am.” “Get out of my sight before I kill you and feed your pancreas to rats.”
This is normal sales resistance, and you must not let it faze you. Go back and repeat your presentation, very slowly, starting with “Hi, Bob! Great to see you, Bob!” Try to get the prospect to voice specific objections so you can overcome them (“Are you saying, Bob, that you think Adolf Hitler was not a bad person?”). Do this as many times as necessary, until Bob comes around. Remind him that if he doesn’t, you may have to take him to Lunch (see chapter 6).