They signed no autographs, talked to no one as they worked their way to the rental car counter to sign out the two Mercedes that Mindy had reserved for them. Throughout the entire process the mob remained behind them, shouting, photographing, protesting, and filming. A fight broke out between a few of the protesters and the fans and airport security came rushing in to try to break it up. The counter girl, meanwhile, was so starstruck by the presence of the musicians and the actress, and so nervous by the presence of the cameras filming her every move, she was fumbling and stuttering through the paperwork and was speaking so softly they couldn't understand her.
At last they were given their keys and they worked their way out to the lot. The crowd, newly reinforced by the media, followed behind them, still shouting, fighting, and pleading for autographs. Jake and Mindy climbed in one car and Bill into the other. They had to honk their horns and rudely force their way through all of the people in order to get out of the lot.
"Well," Jake said, his fists clenched on the steering wheel in anger, "you got your publicity... again."
"I'm sorry, Jake," she said, utilizing her patented little-girl-who-has-done-wrong voice. "I really didn't know it was going to be like this."
He said no more.
Jake's parents had invited Bill's parents over for a homecoming party for their two celebrity sons. As they drove down the freeway and through the suburban streets, two news helicopters shadowed them, no doubt broadcasting their progress live to the noontime viewing audience. When they pulled onto the street where Jake had grown up, they found it lined with even more news vans, reporters, and hundreds of people. They were on the neighbors' lawns, parked in their driveways, milling about in the street. There were more sign holders as well. They had occupied the driveway of the Williams family, who lived next door to the Kingsley's.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Jake said as they forced their way down the street. "Is nothing sacred to these people?"
"It would seem not," Bill said.
The warmth of the family reunion was somewhat cooled by the need to make a mad rush from the driveway into the home. The horde rushed at them as they emerged from the cars, trampling through his mother's flowerbed, stomping over his father's immaculately landscaped front lawn. Jake's dad ripped open the front door as they approached and practically dragged them inside.
"You people are on private property!" his dad yelled from the doorway. "Get back out to the street or I'll be forced to call the sheriff's department."
"You're an ACLU lawyer," one of the reporters shouted back. "Would you really call a law enforcement agency on someone?"
His dad slammed the door without answering.
Jake looked around, seeing the stunned faces of his parents, his sister, and Bill's parents. They were all gathered around the television, which was showing a live view of the outside of the house as taken from one of the news helicopters.
"Well," Jake said, "I see how you knew we were here."
Jake's dad shook his head wearily. "It's been like this since yesterday," he said. "They've been calling us and showing up here sporadically ever since that article about... you know... the cocaine and the butt thing. But now they've been swarming us mercilessly."
Jake cast an angry look at Mindy, who at least had the decency to blush and look ashamed, although it was probably her acting skills he was seeing instead of sincerity. "I'm sorry," he said. "They were tipped off that I was bringing Mindy here."
"Who would do such a thing?" his mother asked. "Was it the airplane people?"
"Something like that," Jake said, casting one more angry glance at Mindy.
Now that things had settled a bit, they were finally able to complete the ritual of reunion. Jake hugged his mother, his father, his sister (who whispered, "your job is still a lot more interesting than mine" in his ear) and Bill's parents. Bill did the same in reverse order. Jake then formally introduced Mindy to everyone.
Mindy blushed and cooed and responded with a charming amount of shyness as her hand was shaken by Bill's parents, her person was hugged by Jake's mother and sister, and her cheek was kissed by Jake's dad. She told them she was happy to meet them and that she'd heard a lot about them. She charmed everyone completely and totally without even breaking a sweat. She awed them in a way they had never been awed by Jake or Bill. Jake and Bill were merely their sons, their brothers, their family friends. No matter how famous they were, each person in this house had changed Bill's or Jake's diapers at some point in their lives. But Mindy was the first actual celebrity any of them had ever met. She was plied with questions about life in the movie studio, about episodes of The Slow Lane, and about her current career. Jake was astounded to find that his own family had bought into many of the rumors that were floating around about the two of them.
"Is it true that you're going to announce your engagement?" his father asked.
"I heard that Mindy is... you know... expecting." That from his mother.
They denied all the various speculations and Mindy answered all of the questions posed of her with exactly what the asker wanted to hear. Eventually they were able to settle down in the family room and sip from drinks while they waited for the food to be served.
And as they talked, the continuous clatter of helicopter blades came from overhead, sometimes so loudly that the windows rattled in their frames. While they were eating, one of the news photographers suddenly appeared in the kitchen window, his camera snapping away through the glass.
Jake felt horrible as he saw his mother near tears, as he heard his father lapsing into uncharacteristic anger and profanity as he stormed across the room and ripped the curtains shut.
"I'm sorry," he said for perhaps the twentieth time. "I'm really sorry about all this."
They had intended to stay overnight at his parent's house. At the suggestion of three sheriff's deputies, their sergeant, and their lieutenant, all of whom showed up in response to neighbor complaints about the unruly mob that had taken over their quiet street, Jake, Mindy, and Bill elected to get hotel rooms instead. Mindy made one phone call to Georgette in Los Angeles and an hour later they had two suites at the Royal Gardens. They ran the gauntlet to their rental cars and fought their way out of the driveway and down the street, cameras filming and snapping, questions shouted, protesters screaming the entire time. Half of the mob climbed into their vehicles and followed the celebrities downtown. The other half remained in front of Jake's parent's house, where they continually knocked on the door and called on the phone, demanding to know what had taken place within those walls.
Tom Kingsley finally stepped out onto the porch and addressed them. "Look," he said angrily, "Mindy is not pregnant, they are not engaged, and nothing of interest took place in here. We are a simple family who had not seen our son in months and we tried to have a reunion with him and meet his girlfriend. That is all I have to say. Now all of you, please get out of here."
"Mr. Kingsley," someone shouted, "what do you think of the corrupting influence your son is having on Mindy?"
"Did they mention any possibility of becoming engaged?" shouted another.
"Did you raise your son to be a Satanist?" enquired one of the protestors.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Tom said, shaking his head. He turned his back and walked back into the house, slamming the door behind him.
About an hour later, the crowd slowly drifted away, one by one, returning peace to the neighborhood.