Ryan had never let himself become intimate with her; he'd been in love with Nadja even back then. Even if he hadn't been, he never allowed himself to get too close to anyone during the time he was undercover. He and Miranda had become friends. Friends on the verge of more.
There was something alluring about her life-the corporate life. The safety and simplicity of it, protected by the huge corporation. A life of carefree happiness.
Ryari could never let himself think that such an existence would even be remotely satisfying. He'd left abruptly and without a word, regretting he couldn't say goodbye. That he couldn't give her an explanation.
"I'm going to talk about what happened," Ryan said, walking to the head of the table. "Jane, you with us?"
"In the next best thing to the flesh, Quicksilver." Jane's voice came through the room's speakers.
"Good, let's get this show rolling," Ryan said. "Time is short, and we've got a lot of ground to cover. First of all, I have something to say."
He got nods from Axler and Grind. Dhin grunted, and Miranda peered through the steamy haze rising from her coffee.
Ryan looked hard at Axler and Grind. "I want to offer an explanation for my actions over the past few days. I've taken over control of Assets and haven't given any of you much input. I've been driving you hard without a lot of explanation. I've also been acting erratically and it probably seems like I'm on the edge of losing control. I can understand if you think I'm deranged. You might even think I'm not capable of effectively leading this group."
He saw Axler nod her assent.
"There is an explanation for my strange behavior, and I'm going give it to you. I know I couldn't work with anyone I thought was a liability."
Axler's look softened. "We don't think you're a liability, Ryan. But you haven't been yourself, not since we scooped you up from the Azzies. You've made some bad choices, decisions you wouldn't have made three months ago. It's got us worried."
Ryan took a deep breath. "When I was at the delta clinic in Panama, they tried to erase my mind and remap it with another personality. Ever heard of Thomas Rox-borough-the vatcase megalomaniac who owns a big hunk of Aztechnology? It was his mind they tried to map over mine. You saved my hoop just in time, but they'd nearly erased my memory, and there was a period of adjustment that was very confusing. It was like I had no control over what I was doing, even though I knew it was wrong. Can you understand that?"
Miranda gave a low whistle. "Aztechnology is one of the bloodier corps, and Roxborough has a reputation for utter ruthlessness. That's some serious drek."
Ryan's smile was tight. "To put it mildly. But things are different now. Roxborough is still with me, but Quicksilver's on top."
Axler frowned. "How do we know that? You've taken leadership away from me and Jane; that's not something the old Ryan would do. Assets was running smoothly before you made your 'improvements.' "
Jane came on over the speakers. "I have to agree with Axler, Quicksilver. I especially resent my current role in the scheme of things. I'm not officially part of Assets, but I've always been in control of any runs I do decide to make. From here in my box, with my virtual re-creation of all the data, it's much easier for me to form a complete picture of what's going down than it is for anyone on-site."
"Jane, I-"
"I take inputs from each runner, plus Matrix data. I can make better-informed decisions, and I can make them quicker."
"Jane, I value your expertise and I'm going to need it more than ever. Especially during the next few runs. But I'm going to be leading the team. I've got combat training that you don't, and I refuse to shirk that responsibility." Ryan turned to Axler. "I want you to be my lieutenant, and I'll need your advice. I know it's going to be hard to adjust, but I think it will improve things in the long run."
Silence engulfed the room in the wake of Ryan's speech.
"Okay," Ryan went on, "I don't want anyone to stay who isn't satisfied with the arrangement. Now's your chance to bail out of Assets if you want to. Anyone who thinks I'm going to get him or her killed can walk. There's twenty thousand nuyen in a numbered account for each of you. I'll give you the code, and you go with my blessing."
Dhin shook his head slowly, but no one spoke.
"You all know that Roxborough would never have given you walking papers," Ryan said finally.
Axler nodded.
Ryan looked around the room, pausing when he got to Dhin. "So, do I have any takers? 'Cause if you decide to stay on board, you're on all the way. I've got some serious plans for this organization, plans that are going to ask shadowrunners to play a serious part in protecting the future of the world."
Axler sat up. "I know a lot of runners who want to make a difference," she said. "But in our line of work runners don't have much to say about whether we're on the right side or the wrong side. Shadowrunners have to do whatever the Johnsons want, and a lot of times don't even know whose side they're on. How can you change that?"
Ryan smiled. "We don't have to please anyone but ourselves. We've got independent funding and the means to make a difference."
"Under your leadership?" Axler asked.
"That's right," said Ryan. "You're going to have to trust me." He looked around the room, challenging any of them to get up and walk out.
Dhin answered first. "You got me, Bossman. I'm not going anywhere."
Miranda had a feral smile on her face, beaming at Ryan in that way he remembered from back at Fuchi when she was excited about an upcoming project. "Me too."
Grind looked at Axler, then laughed. "I'm in," he said.
Ryan gave Axler a hard stare. "I need you, chummer. You're my fragging lieutenant."
Axler smiled. "I'm here, Ryan. Slot it, I'll be here to the end. Let's get on with this run."
Ryan's eyes flicked toward the speakers. "How about you Jane?"
A sweet, chiming laugh filled the room. "You have to ask?"
"For the record, yes."
"Well, then, for the record, I'm with you. We may have some disagreements, but we'll work those out after this run."
Ryan nodded, and an invisible weight fell from his shoulders. "Good. Now that we're all on-line, let's get back to business. As I said, Burnout survived. Not only did he come through the fall in one piece, he managed to outmaneuver us."
Grind nodded. "That's one tough piece of tech."
Ryan nodded. "Jane, roll the trid."
The hologenerator in the table hummed quietly to life, and suddenly, there in the center of the table, the scene from the depot played itself out in slow motion. When it was over, Ryan looked around the room. "Any comments?" he asked.
Axler nodded. "This not only gives us a clue to Burnout's location, but it also shows us just how tough he is. Despite the apparent damage to his good looks, he took that fall into the canyon like a pleasure cruise."
"Yes," said Ryan. "We're going to have to assume that Burnout is still fully functional. He's fast, he's mean, and he's well armed."
Dhin cleared his throat. "How long ago was this?"
"About eight hours, give or take."
Dhin shook his wide head. "That's a lot of time for a chummer like that. He could be almost anywhere."
Ryan smiled. "That's true, but thankfully unimportant. Burnout leaves a trail through astral space, kind of like a polluted scent. I've smelled it."
Axler scanned from Miranda to Ryan, her voice cool. "So you can pick up his spoor and track him in astral space?"