"It will go almost as fast."
"We can rev it up to go even faster than light."
"There would be some increase in fuel consumption."
"Wait a minute, please wait just one minute, Mr. Minderbinder, let me ask something," slowly cut in a puzzled civilian with a professorial demeanor. "Why would your bomber be noiseless? We have supersonic planes now, and they surely make noise with their sonic booms, don't they?"
"It would be noiseless to the crew."
"Why should that be important to the enemy?"
"It could be important to the crew," emphasized Milo, "and no one is more concerned about those kids than we are. Some of them may be aloft for months."
"Maybe years, with the refueling planes we recommend."
"Will they be invisible too?'
"If you want them to be."
"And make no noise?"
"The crew won't hear them."
"Unless they slow down and allow the noise to catch up."
"I see, Mr. Wintergreen. It's all very clever."
"Thank you, Colonel Pickering."
"How large is your crew?"
"Just two. Two are cheaper to train than four."
"Absolutely, Mr. Minderbinder?"
"Positively, Colonel North."
The officer in the center was a general, and he cleared his throat now as a proclamation of intent. The room fell still. He treasured the suspense.
"Does light move?" he demanded finally.
A leaden silence ensued.
"Light moves, General Bingam," Milo Minderbinder sprang in finally, with relief that he could.
"Faster than anything," ex-PFC Wintergreen added helpfully. "Light is just about the fastest thing there is."
"And one of the brightest too."
Bingam turned dubiously to the men on his left. A few of them nodded. He frowned.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and swiveled his sober mien to the specialists on his right.
A few of these nodded fearfully too. Some glanced away.
"That's funny," Bingam said slowly. "I see that light standing on the corner table and it looks perfectly still."
"That's because," offered Milo, "it's moving so fast."
"It's moving faster than light," said Wintergreen.
"Can light move faster than light?"
"Certainly."
"You can't see light when it's moving, sir."
"Absolutely, Colonel Pickering?"
"Positively, General Bingam."
"You can only see light when it isn't there," said Milo.
"Let me show you," said Wintergreen, surging to his feet impatiently. He snapped off the lamp. "See that?" He switched the lamp back on. "Notice any difference?"
"I see what you mean, Gene," Bingam said. "Yes, I'm beginning to see the light, eh?" General Bingam smiled and inclined himself along the arm of his chair. "Put simply, Milo, what does your plane look like?"
"On radar? It won't be seen by the enemy. Not even when armed with all its nuclear weapons."
"To us. In photographs and drawings."
"That's secret, sir, until you get us some funding."
"It's invisible," added Wintergreen, with a wink.
"I understand, Eugene. Invisible? It's beginning to sound like the old Stealth."
"Well, it is a bit like the old Stealth."
"The B-2 Stealth?" cried Bingam with shock.
"Only a little bit!"
"But better than the Stealth," Milo put in hastily.
"And much prettier."
"No, it's not like the old Stealth."
"Not the least little bit like the old Stealth."
"I'm glad of that." Bingam relaxed again onto his armrest. " Milo, I can say with confidence that all of us here like what I'm hearing from you today. What do you call your wonderful new airplane? We'll have to know that much."
"We call our wonderful new plane the M amp; M E amp; A Sub-Supersonic Invisible and Noiseless Defensive Second-Strike Offensive Attack Bomber."
"That's a decent name for a defensive second-strike offensive attack bomber."
"It sort of suggested itself, sir."
"One moment, Mr. Minderbinder," objected a skinny civilian from the National Security Council. "You talk about the enemy as though we have one. We have no enemies anymore."
"We always have enemies," contradicted a contentious geopolitician who also wore rimless spectacles, and considered himself just as smart. "We must have enemies. If we have no enemies, we have to make them."
"But we face no superpower at this time," argued a fat man from the State Department. " Russia is collapsed."
"Then it's time for Germany again," said Wintergreen.
"Yes, there's always Germany. Do we have the money?"
"Borrow," said Milo.
"The Germans will lend," said Wintergreen. "So will Japan. And once we have their money," added Wintergreen triumphantly, "they have to make sure we win any war against them. That's another good secret defensive feature of our wonderful offensive defensive attack bomber."
"I'm glad you pointed that out, Gene," said General Bingam. " Milo, I want to run for the gold with this one and make my recommendation."
"To the little prick?" Milo burst out with hope.
"Oh, no," Bingam replied with a humoring jollity. "It's still too soon for Little Prick. We'll need at least one more meeting with strategists from the other services. And there are always those damned civilians near the President, like Noodles Cook. We'll need leaks to newspapers. I want to start building support. You're not the only one after this, you realize."
"Who are the others?"
"Strangelove is one."
"Strangelove?" said Milo. "He's no good."
"He bullshits," charged Wintergreen.
"He was pushing the Stealth."
"What's he up to now?"
"He has this thing called a Strangelove All-Purpose Do-it-Yourself Defensive First Second or Third Strike Indestructible Fantastic State-of-the-Art B-Ware Offensive Attack Bomber."
"It won't work," said Wintergreen. "Ours is better."
"His name is better."
"We're working on our name."
"His Strangelove All-Purpose Do-It-Yourself Defensive First Second or Third Strike Indestructible Fantastic State-of-the-Art B-Ware Offensive Attack Bomber can't compare with our M amp; M E amp; A Sub-Supersonic Invisible and Noiseless Defensive Second-Strike Offensive Attack Bomber," said Milo curtly.
"Nothing he does ever works, does it?"
"I'm glad to hear that," said General Bingam, "because you're the buddies I'm backing. Here's his new business card. One of our security agents stole it from one of the security agents in another unit of procurement with which we are just about ready to go to war openly. Your bomber will help."
The business card passed down was emblazoned with the double eagle of the Austro-Hungarian Empire and with engraved lettering in auburn gold that read: Harold Strangelove Associates Fine Contacts and Advice Secondhand Influence Bought and Sold Bombast on Demand Note: The information on this business card is restricted Milo was downcast. The card was better than his.
" Milo, all of us are in the race of the century to come up with the ultimate weapon that could lead to the end of the world and bring everlasting fame to the victor who uses it first. Whoever sponsors that baby could be elevated to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and I, Bernard Bingam, would like to be that man."
"Hear, hear!" chorused the officers on both sides of General Bingam, who beamed in shy surprise, while the stout civilian and the slim civilian were mum and disconsolate.
"Then you better move quickly, sir," threatened Wintergreen churlishly. "We don't like to sit on our asses with a hot product like this one. If you guys don't want it-"