Because you are not frantically pumping away in order to reach the biggest possible orgasm in the shortest possible time, your body at some point simply begins to orgasm. The result is that it feels much like a wet dream in the sense that the delicious warm feeling that spreads through your lower belly in a way “sneaks up” on you; you have multiple small contractions of your penis and your pelvic area; it feels as if the orgasm simply overflows, because it can no longer wait. The semen is often mixed with pre-cum, because before coming, if masturbating like described here, you will often secrete copious amounts of pre-cum.
The moments before you ejaculate are similar to a normal orgasm in that there is a second or two that you lose control of your thoughts and to some extent of your movements. The difference is that, firstly it is not accompanied by frantic movements of the hand, secondly your thoughts are focused on yourself and thirdly I normally experience a warm flooding sensation accompanied by goose bumps all over my body, which I never experienced masturbating the old way. My breathing also involuntarily speeds up.
Finally, the sensation after such an orgasm is one of complete peace. I always want to linger. My pelvic area glows, my whole body is relaxed and my penis feels as if I have completely exhausted the orgasm that I had just enjoyed, yet the pleasurable feelings linger. Normally when I used to orgasm the conventional way, the idea of more sex, masturbation or any sexual stimulation did not seem attractive at all. With the new way I feel that I remain interested in sex, in women, in myself and in sexual pleasure – yet I feel profoundly satisfied. A tingling feeling of pleasure remains behind in my penis, and it stays there for a while afterwards. I also feel that it remains enjoyable gently to touch my penis after the orgasm, even though I have – so it seems – completed the orgasm and enjoyed deep-seated satisfaction from it.
Following the principles of tantric masturbation (and initially failing at it) I learnt to masturbate slowly and deliberately while breathing properly, to achieve a deeply satisfying whole-body orgasm while ejaculating. These skills all stood me in good stead later on when I learnt to master the art of multi-orgasmic masturbation.
Chapter Three: “Ordinary” masturbation: The principles I have learnt
Although this chapter deals with “ordinary” masturbation to ejaculation, there is one difference: what I want you to achieve is whole-body orgasm. It is a kind of orgasm that spreads throughout your body and into your brain. And because it is not wholly focused on your groin, the strength of your ejaculation will probably be less than if you masturbated the normal “hard and fast” way. But in exchange I promise you will have a much deeper and wide-ranging orgasm – one that reaches the core of your being and the whole of your body, including your brain.
The old cliché says that the biggest sex organ is the brain, and that is true. But about how one must use your brain in order to masturbate successfully, there is a lot of disagreement.
Good masturbation starts in the mind. One’s mind must be disciplined to enable you to masturbate well. Masturbation is a metaphor for self-induced happiness. Personally I am about as happy as I can get when I masturbate. But here is the thing: Masturbation has also taught me, and continues to teach me, how to be happy in other aspects of my life.
Why do I say that? To answer this question, we must first arrive at an idea of what happiness is. Most of us grow up with the idea that happiness is that state of mind that occurs when we get something that we desire. If only I can go on holiday, if I can retire, if I can get this or buy that, if I can marry that girl, then I will be happy, we say. And yet we are all disappointed when that which we want, once we get it, does not quite measure up to what we expected. What we then do is to go after something else that we desire, in the vain hope that it will make us happy once we get it.
Now here is the thing: Happiness is not getting “there” where we aren’t, or getting “that” which we do not have. Happiness is enjoying being “here”, enjoying “this” that we do have.
Think about it: logically there is no other way. Today you cannot be happy tomorrow. Today, or now, you can only enjoy in the present. That is conceptually and logically the only time you can be happy.
Does this mean that happy people are not concerned about the future, that happy people do not have goals in life? No. Let me illustrate with an example: I am a runner. I have run on average about half an hour every second day for about 32 years. That means I have run for about 2920.9 hours. I am not an expert yet. But I made a choice – and continue to make the choice – to run. I have twice run the Cape Town Two Oceans ultra-marathon. When I run a race like the Two Oceans, I set the target or goal of finishing the race. I also pursue the goal of keeping healthy and fit through running. But I fundamentally run such races because I enjoy it. I do not (merely) run to cross the finishing line in the marathon. I run because I enjoy running.
What is more, I enjoy running because I choose to. I enjoy getting up in the morning and stretching my muscles; I enjoy having a pre-run cup of coffee; I enjoy the brace of cool, fresh air as I step out the door; I enjoy my first, somewhat stiff steps on the road; I enjoy the life-giving rush of air into my lungs as I shuffle up the first hill. As much as I pursue my running goals – fitness, health, crossing the finish line, improving my times - I enjoy running for its own sake. In fact, I believe that I will not be as successful as I am in pursuing my goals if I do not simply enjoy running itself.
Now I know what you are thinking – that is, if you have not stopped reading by now. You think: what does any of this have to do with masturbation?
The thing is: I believe that my masturbation is much like my running: I enjoy it for its own sake as much as for the sake of reaching an orgasm.
You might say: what is not to enjoy about masturbation? And yet I talk from experience when I say many of us have unlearnt the art really to enjoy masturbation – that is, masturbation without orgasm - if we knew it to start with.
I believe the reason why we often do not enjoy simple masturbation, is because we have lost sight of the first principle of happiness: we think that masturbation is primarily a way to achieve orgasm – just like many athletes think that the point of running is to finish (or win) the Comrades Marathon. So we become so focused on achieving orgasm that we lose out on the best part: the long bit in between that should and can be pure extended bliss, and is called NOW.
Another reason why I once lost the art of enjoying masturbation as I should have, is another manifestation of losing sight of the first principle of happiness: I fantasized. Now you might well think: what is wrong with that?
Good question. To answer that, we must first answer this: what is a fantasy? Essentially a fantasy is a desired experience that we conjure up in our minds in the form of a picture or a “movie” of something or someone doing something, and that we do not have now. It is, in other words, a case of desiring that which we do not have. This makes us unhappy because by definition once we convince ourselves that that which we desire but do not have, is what will make us happy, we are unhappy. We almost make a choice to be unhappy the moment we start fantasizing about that which we do not have.