Go slowly, and even slower towards the end, so that your orgasm and ejaculation happens spontaneously, like a dam breaking its walls.
What you must do:
Practice these principles as often as you can, without exhausting yourself. Remember your ability to enjoy each successive orgasm will depend on when you last came, and your age and general virility. You may find that you can comfortably and enjoyably masturbate once every 24 hours, or this may be once every three days or once every six hours. Repeat this exercise until you are able to:
masturbate slowly for a long time – say 15 or 20 minutes - while relaxing completely and breathing deeply;
feel the pleasure spreading through your legs and your upper body, and into your head, before coming;
masturbate even more slowly when you feel your orgasm approaching;
allow your orgasm and ejaculation to occur spontaneously without increasing the pace of your stroking.
Chapter Four: I finally learn to do it
That was then, and this is now. At the beginning of 2011 I again resumed practicing tantric masturbation. I decided once again to seek the elusive holy grail – orgasm without ejaculation, multi-orgasmic sex. In other words, I wanted to come without ejaculating. Up to now I was fairly sure I had not succeeded in orgasming without ejaculating. Plus, as I have explained before, I needed to overcome the side-effects of stress that this type of masturbation produced in me – headaches, high blood pressure and jitters because of constant arousal.
At first things went as I had, sadly, become used to expect: within a few days I had a permanent tension headache. What is more, I experienced that I became progressively so aroused that it became more and more difficult not to ejaculate.
Make no mistake: I had a great time. I managed to continue masturbating for at least ten or sometimes twenty minutes on end without ejaculating, and without stopping along the way. As you can imagine, in this process I got fairly worked up, always feeling that I moved closer to ejaculation, but not experiencing that elusive orgasm without ejaculation. At the time I went on an overseas trip, and the added stress of last-minute arrangements and travel did not help. On the entire flight to Buenos Aires I had a bad headache, and somewhere along the way I resolved that I would definitely masturbate to ejaculation at least once in order to break the building tension in my body and my mind, and then to start over once I had (hopefully) recovered.
Ejaculating immediately made me feel more relaxed, and my headaches disappeared. I slowly restarted my quest.
I decided to focus even more strongly on the role of breathing. I was adamant that I would not attempt to control my ejaculations in the way recommended by most text books, by, amongst other things, tightening my PC muscle if I felt an ejaculation approaching.
My instincts told me two things: firstly, if multiple orgasm was going to be what it is made out to be – namely a blissful, almost spiritual experience – then it would have to be a process more profound than “pinching off” the flow of semen like stopping the flow of a common or garden hosepipe. Secondly, I believed that by the time you need to perform such a pinching exercise, you have surely failed to do what you originally set out to do, namely to direct the energy flow away from ejaculatory reflex and towards the body and the brain. In other words, contracting the PC muscle is a symptomatic solution, like closing the door after the horse has bolted.
I am not sure I was quite right, and I will return to the subject of contracting the PC muscle later.
Anyway, I was adamant that I would perform the task primarily with my mind. Of course the mind is aided by the physical body, and here I instinctively felt that breathing was and remained a key ingredient of the answer.
Another common-sense, and to my mind far more useful, tip that many subjects interviewed in the literature passed on, was that you must orgasm by “falling back” into the orgasm, rather than plunging headlong into it. The way I understood this, was as a metaphor for a process in your mind to avoid ejaculation by relaxing into the orgasm, rather than straining to ejaculate, which is our natural reflex. I decided to implement this idea if I could.
Now, finally I started to notice important changes. By concentrating on my breathing, I started experiencing breathing as part of the physical sensation of self-pleasuring. The rush of air into my lungs more and more started becoming a sensual experience that was part of the glow of pleasure flowing through my penis and into my limbs. I also noticed that breathing in is normally accompanied by a slight increase in arousal, while breathing out is a slight release from tension. In this way every pair of breaths becomes a tiny sexual cycle in itself.
The next breakthrough also had to do with breathing. Not only did I increasingly experience that regular, deep breathing kept my ejaculation at bay; when I was highly aroused and started approaching a climax, my upper body started contracting in rhythm with my breathing. This was not completely spontaneous, but seemed quite natural. In such a state I breathed quite heavily. And you will recall my saying that on each exhalation I release some tension. So every time I exhaled – blew out air in a hard long breath – the muscles of my stomach and chest contracted in order to push out the air as fast as possible. This brought home to me another realization, which was that the contraction of muscles itself also drew sexual tension away from the penis and into the body. The result was that the combined effect of exhaling and contracting my muscles was to pull me away from the brink of ejaculation, and at the same time to spread a warm, tingling feeling up my torso.
From there it was a small step to a state where my muscles very gradually started contracting spontaneously when I reached a high state of arousal and my breathing became progressively heavier. I still contracted my muscles in order to push out the air, but something else happened: a most pleasurable feeling of release, of satisfaction, took place – a feeling that the energy that had built up and centered in my penis spread through my body as I exhaled. This feeling of relaxation and satisfaction repeated itself. Then again, as I breathed in, the sexual tension in my body increased with the result that the warm waves of pleasure flowing through my body with each expulsion of air became progressively more intense.
It was in this way that I one day suddenly realized that I was reaching a climax, after which I progressively relaxed, while the sexual tension subsided. Immediately after such a climax, which happened without ejaculating, I was able to masturbate harder and faster for at least a minute – or longer if I paced myself – without feeling that I was about to have a climax or ejaculation.
It eventually dawned on me: I had discovered how to reach an orgasm without ejaculating.
At this point I should say that the prosaic description of what happens is to do an injustice to the ecstasy that I felt. At the moment of a climax or peak – which was less and lower in the beginning and progressively more intense every time thereafter – a warm wave of pleasure flooded my body and my head. The moment of climaxing was marked by a feeling that the pleasure was so intense that I wanted to scream or something in order to deal with it – and then, instead of ejaculating, my body just contracted in rhythm with my breathing – and a while later – a few seconds or often longer - suddenly I knew it was over and I was on the downward slope. My breathing came more easily, I felt relaxed, and with each exhalation the muscle contractions pleasurably released sexual tension from my penis and my body.
At first the realization that I was actually having an orgasm did not dawn on me. It snuck up on me so gradually that I did not realize what was happening. I just knew that I was having the most intense – and most prolonged - pleasure I had ever known. I did not care a hoot whether it was an orgasm that I was having or not.