Now here is the beauty of this beautiful thing: The pleasure that I have is continuous: virtually from the moment that I start masturbating, or at the outside within 3 or 4 minutes, I am in a blissful state where tingling warmth start spreading – first down the inside of my thighs and then through my upper body. Almost from the beginning the feeling is there. I ascribe this to the fact that – because it is so enjoyable – I masturbate every day, and I do it several times a day. That has the effect that my penis is in a constant state of readiness. Although I do not walk around with an erection, I normally want to masturbate most times of the day. My penis, although flaccid, is thick and slightly engorged most of the time. At the same time however I am completely relaxed and able to pay attention to anything I need to. The result of all this is that I am ready, most times, simply to take up my masturbation where I left off. With the old method of masturbating to ejaculation, I required up to 24 hours to be keen to get busy again.
Now I do not really need a rest, save that common sense tells me that I should take a break now and then – which I do. Just like a small boy learning to ride his new bike, at first one wants to do it all the time. But soon enough you realize that, just like riding a bike, nothing this good can carry on indefinitely without taking some toll from your body. Although I have a lot to say about sexual exhaustion (about which later more), all I want to say at this stage is that like any other major change you need to adapt to it.
One of the biggest breakthroughs for me in all of this was that I learnt to deal with sexual tension in my body. I actually now feel far more relaxed after twenty (or forty or sixty) minutes of masturbation than I do before starting my session. I ascribe this to the fact that for the first time I actually orgasm, which in terms of the definition adopted at the beginning of this book, means that I not only climax, but also experience release of sexual tension.
I once again started practicing tantric masturbation, but soon suffered from a buildup of tension.
I felt obliged to ejaculate in order to get rid of the tension.
I then decided to focus on my breathing.
I discovered that by contracting my upper body in rhythm with my breathing I kept an impending orgasm at bay.
I also discovered that I reached a height of pleasure and sexual tension, and then a sudden release of tension on exhaling.
It dawned on me that I had mastered the art of orgasming without ejaculation.
Chapter Five: Learning to do it yourself
At this stage I assume that you have learnt how to masturbate to a full-body orgasm while ejaculating in the way described in Chapter 3. What you now have to learn, is how to do exactly the same, but while enjoying non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Contractions of the muscles is a defining feature of an orgasm in both men and women. It is the way in which we physically release the sexual energy that builds up during sex or masturbation. The main “mechanical” difference between orgasm with and without ejaculation, is the place where the contractions occur. In the case of an ejaculation it occurs in the groin and more particularly the penis, in order to fulfill the biological function of forcing the semen out through the erect penis. In the case of non-ejaculatory orgasm, contractions occur throughout the body, but mainly the upper body. What you want to achieve is to move your contractions to your upper body and away from your penis.
The literature makes much of “big” and “small” “draws”, which are described slightly differently but are in fact deliberate bodily contractions designed to spread the sexual energy away from the penis. I have not succeeded in mastering any of these “draws” in the way described by different experts, but I believe the principle is the same as the contractions I describe. It is a principle of muscle contraction designed to release tension. You must have seen a cat waking up from its nap, or a driver stretching after many hours of stressful driving behind the wheel. They both contract their muscles in order to release tension. An orgasm is the same, except it is involuntary and it is much, much more pleasurable.
As was the case with me, I believe that you can learn how to orgasm without ejaculation if you learn how to allow your body to contract while exhaling as your orgasm approaches.
If you are satisfied that you have mastered the art of ordinary full-body orgasm with ejaculation, you are ready to move on to the next step. This you will do by masturbating exactly as you did when practicing to masturbate to whole-body orgasm with ejaculation earlier. The only difference at this stage is that you will add upper-body contractions when you feel an orgasm approaching, while breathing out as you contract.
Pay attention: From a technical viewpoint the next page or two is the most important part of the book for you.
When you feel that an orgasm approaching, while stroking slowly and breathing regularly, feel the relative release of tension every time you breathe out. As you breathe out, contract your stomach and upper body in such a way that your contracting midriff forces the breath out of your body. In the beginning this will be slight and gentle, and gradually you will increase the intensity of the contraction. You should feel that the very process of forcing out your breath by contracting your upper body, relaxes you, postpones the onset of ejaculation and spreads sexual energy through your body and away from your groin.
You should not force the issue: do not contract more, and do not exhale harder, than is necessary in order to release the sexual tension that has built up, and to avoid ejaculation. A good way of practicing this, is to stand up while masturbating. Stand in front of a mirror if you think it will help. When you feel an orgasm approaching, breathe out by contracting your upper body, especially your abdomen. This will cause your torso to bend or crouch forward slightly. As you progress, you should feel your exhalations pleasurably “push out” or release the tension from your groin. This sounds much like work I know, but believe me, it feels good. You will not want to stop. And the good news is, you do not have to.
My experience is that the best results are achieved when my upper-body contractions center in my lower abdomen. You will remember that in Chapter Three I said that you must breathe using your lower abdomen to fill your lungs from the bottom. Now what works best for me, is also to exhale using my lower abdomen muscles, in order to “squeeze” out the air.
Try this exercise: Sit down in an easy chair and start masturbating. While you are doing this and you feel an orgasm approaching, place the hand not holding your penis, on your lower abdomen, your fingers straddling your bladder and your navel. Feel your lower abdomen contract as you exhale, and relax as you inhale.
Now add another movement: Every time that you contract and exhale, slightly tilt your pelvis forward, in a way similar to when you thrust during sex. This will assist in the flow of energy, and will feel sexy.
Every time that you exhale, you should feel warm sexual pleasure radiating out from your penis into your lower limbs and torso, and you should eventually be able to track this energy by feeling the skin on these body parts forming goose bumps. This pleasure will eventually spread throughout your body, and into your head, which will feel light and open and happy.
What you want to achieve, is for those rhythmic contractions of your upper body to replace the natural contractions of your penis and groin that would have accompanied your normal ejaculation. Of course in the beginning your muscles will contract voluntarily, but eventually you will achieve this without thinking. Eventually it will become involuntary. It will just be part of your breathing.