By the time they arrived, Chloe didn’t know whether to fume or get upset. She was regretting inviting Mark now, seeing as he barely seemed able to hold a conversation with her.
As they pulled into the driveway her mother came rushing out to the car. ‘My darling, it’s so great to see you. You look so well. Have you put on a bit of weight? It suits you. And you must be Mark. Lovely to meet you. Another lawyer, eh? How exciting. Come on, then, everyone’s inside…’ And she headed off still talking over her shoulder. At that moment Chloe was very grateful for the distraction of her mother’s effusive greetings, and they both followed her inside.
By the time Mark had been introduced to Chloe’s aunt and uncle from the Lakes, her aunt and uncle from Ireland, her brother Anthony, her stepfather Charlie, her seven cousins, and their various young offspring, as well as Great Uncle Bill in the corner and a number of family friends, the party was in full swing. Mark immediately got talking to some of the men, and Chloe was distracted by her cousins, particularly Mikaela, who was showing off her new navel piercing and hinting in far too loud a voice that she’d had something else pierced as well, but she’d better not get THAT out or her mother would have a fit.
‘Is it your nipple?’ Tom, the fourteen-year-old Irish cousin, yelled.
‘That would be telling, and you’re too young,’ Mikaela replied, to which Tom squirmed and blushed but looked excited.
‘You’re disgusting, Mikaela,’ said Danielle, Tom’s nineteen-year-old sister, but she still looked intrigued.
Mikaela just smiled at them. ‘Come on, Chlo, let’s leave these kids to it,’ she said, ushering Chloe over to the food table.
‘So are you having them on?’ Chloe asked, loading her plate and taking a bite of a chicken wing.
‘No,’ Mikaela said, heading straight for the desserts at the other end of the table, ‘it’s my… you know.’ She indicated downwards with her eyes.
Chloe choked and spat a disgusting blob of half-chewed chicken out onto her plate. ‘Oh my god. Why would you do that?’
Mikaela laughed. ‘It’s pretty good actually. You only have to move and it sets things off. You should try it.’
‘Bloody hell, no thanks. I can’t believe you let someone do that to you.’
‘Well now, I must admit that bit wasn’t so fun.’
‘What wasn’t so fun?’
Chloe turned to see Mark standing behind them. She felt herself blushing and couldn’t think of what to say. However, Mikaela, while spooning jelly onto her plate, said, ‘I’ve had my labia pierced. I was just telling Chloe about it.’
Chloe was unsurprised to see that Mark reddened at this. ‘I see,’ was all he said, then stood there seeming lost for words. Mikaela turned around, looked at both of them, laughed and said, ‘My god, you two are hilarious,’ then sauntered off, doing a little shudder as though an electric pulse had run through her as she disappeared, which her cousin was sure was solely for effect.
Chloe was uncertain what to say next. ‘Do you want some food?’ she asked, gesturing at the plates.
‘No, I’m okay. Look, Chloe, do you mind if… if I head off?’
Chloe laughed. ‘Head off where? We’re in the middle of nowhere.’
‘Back to London.’
She stopped laughing. ‘You’re not serious. We’ve only been here a few hours. It took us five bloody hours to get here!’
‘It’s just I’ve got a lot of work on, and I need to get through it before Christmas.’
‘I see.’
‘Sorry.’
‘No, don’t be… Okay, well, I suppose I can get a lift back with Iris. I’ll walk you to your car.’
They made their way out to the front of the house in silence. As Mark opened the driver’s door, Chloe said, ‘Mark?’
He turned and looked at her.
‘Us… this… is it… are we…?’ She didn’t seem to be able to add the final word.
‘No… I don’t know… Look, right now I just need to get a bit of space, get my act together, you know. But I’ll see you on Monday.’
‘Oh, okay. Right.’ She stood with her arms folded, and watched Mark get into the car, start the engine and drive away, all without looking at her.
Once he had gone she turned to walk back towards the party, but then sank down on the front step of the house and dissolved into tears. As she sat there she felt a pair of comforting arms around her, and heard Mikaela’s voice whispering in her ear.
‘They’re all idiots, babe, every single one of them.’
49
The flight was proving unendurable. Alex was caught up in a revolving succession of emotions – feeling fractious, irritated, enraged and upset by turn, leaving him unable to sleep, to eat, or to numb his mind with any of the entertainment on offer.
In the past twenty-four hours his anger had been cataclysmic, without an outlet of any kind, so much so that he wouldn’t have been surprised if he had worked himself up into spontaneous combustion.
He had been trying to do the right thing all bloody week. How had he got it so horribly wrong that she had wanted him to leave? And who did Ray think he was, treating Alex like some distant relative who had no place with them through all this, discarding his efforts, hogging Amy’s care, not even allowing Tess in. And Tess, so compliant, so understanding, so selfless and giving in the wake of everyone else’s struggle to cope with the fallout from this horrendous, vile event. And the doctors, deferring to Ray and Tess as soon as they arrived, when they had been filling him in for the first thirty-six hours, treating him as someone important, then simply ignoring him. And Detective Thompson, with his platitudes and his excuses for having absolutely no leads whatsoever. Alex hated the lot of them, although not with half as much vehemence as he’d reserved for Amy’s attackers.
He shifted miserably in his seat, aware of the space next to him – Amy’s space. They should have been coming back together today, excited about the next chapter. Now what was there to look forward to?
And yet… within the restlessness that pushed and poked at him, causing him to be unable to sit still, let alone sleep, there was something else nagging at him, worrying away like a dog with a bone, trying to break free. He wanted to ignore it, to remain stubbornly livid, but it was too persistent. It came at him again and again through the interminable hours as he sat and stared blankly at the small screen above his head.
A short time before he arrived at Heathrow, he finally couldn’t take it any more. He let the realisation descend on him. There was a distinct possibility that Amy had never wanted him to leave at all, that she had given him a get-out; she had made it easier for him to do what, secretly, he’d been wanting to do all along, ever since the moment he knew she’d been hurt. And, without comprehending what he was doing, he had taken the chance, and run away, without even thinking of what this meant for them long term. He had deserted her, and now all he wanted to do was to take it all back, to start again, and just to be there for her whether he got it right or wrong.
But he had an awful, gnawing feeling that ate away at him as the plane began to descend. It was the understanding that now he couldn’t go back. It was too late.
50
Mark’s heart was heavy as he headed back towards London through the drizzling gloom, peering hard through the windscreen at endless tail-lights, trying not to let tiredness overtake him too much.
Chloe didn’t deserve this. Whenever he thought of her he recalled her woebegone face of just a few hours ago. She’d been trying hard to talk to him all week, and he had been avoiding her, as he didn’t want to come right out with it.
Because Henry’s words had not stopped booming in his ears.
He had made his way home from Chloe’s the previous Sunday with a heavy heart, to a cataclysm of repercussions before he even had a chance to get changed out of his tux. Henry had collared him the moment he walked in the door, and then ranted and raved about his behaviour, shouting so loud that Mark’s mother had taken the dog on a long walk just to get away from them.