‘How are you, Chlo?’ she asked.
‘Getting there, thanks,’ Chloe replied.
Margaret had come in behind her niece, and there was an awkward silence before Mikaela looked between them and said, ‘Look, I’m going to go. Sorry.’
‘Oh, sit down, Mikaela,’ Margaret had replied, irritated, from behind her. ‘I’ll go and get you a drink.’
Mikaela had sat obediently, and pulled a face at Chloe as they waited for Margaret to return. When she did, to the other women’s surprise, she was carrying two large white wines on a tray as well as a water for Chloe.
Mikaela mutely took the wine, and Margaret sat down. Then Margaret looked intently at Mikaela, and Mikaela reddened. She was about to speak when Margaret said, ‘For god’s sake, Mikaela, just phone your mother.’
Mikaela looked down. ‘I can’t. She told me never to contact her again.’
‘Oh, don’t be silly,’ Margaret snapped. ‘She’s always been a drama queen, your mother, you know that.’ Chloe bit back the temptation to point out that it obviously ran in the family, as Margaret continued, ‘but she loves you, Mikaela, and she misses you.’
‘I’ll only put my foot in it again,’ Mikaela argued. ‘And pee them all off. Really, what’s the point?’
‘Look -’ Margaret put her wine down with some force so that liquid sloshed over the top of the glass and ran down the sides – ‘I can’t bear it any longer. Where do you think you get it from, Mikaela? Your mother is no saint; nor am I, for that matter. I ran off to America when I was barely eighteen, and your mother was barred from St Michael’s Church for life when she was still a schoolgirl, after she was caught doing something obscene with one of her boyfriends in the church hall toilets. Our mother despaired of us, I can tell you.’
Both Mikaela’s and Chloe’s mouths had dropped open.
‘Honestly,’ Margaret said, grabbing some tissue and wiping her glass, then picking it up and heading out of the room. ‘You lot imagine you are pioneers of being young and reckless. Well, think again.’
Chloe and Mikaela had watched Margaret leave, still dumbstruck. Then Mikaela turned to Chloe and wrinkled her brow. ‘That is one image of Mum that I really don’t want to hold on to,’ she said, then cracked one of her trademark grins.
Mikaela had stayed for what seemed like hours, a captive audience for Chloe’s mother, who wittered away, filling her niece in on every tiny development in the extended family over the last few years, while Chloe closed her eyes, tried to tune out the relentless voice and pretended to doze, beginning to think of ways that she might get her mother to leave, now she seemed to be getting her strength back. She definitely appreciated her mother the most in small, albeit regular, doses.
However, there was one thing she really wanted to do for her, and sooner rather than later. As evening fell, she had begun working on a letter to her brother. It wasn’t easy, but she wanted Anthony back in her life, and for him to understand their mother better too. She tried to explain everything as best she could, and, as she sealed the envelope, she hoped that was enough.
She smiled grimly as she thought of her closing line. ‘And in a few months you’ll have a new niece or nephew to meet,’ she’d written, while thinking that Alex would soon be the last person in her life to know he was going to be a father; but, when all was said and done, he only had himself to blame for that.
98
Before Alex’s lips even left hers, Amy knew he was saying goodbye. She pushed every ounce of herself into that kiss, wanting it to last forever, holding on to him, feeling the heat of him. Knowing it was for the final time.
Even though both their eyes were moist by the time they pulled away, Amy noticed that Alex’s face had lost a little of the haunted look. He was making the right choice. And, really, they both knew it. It was time for each of them to move on.
But actually walking away was never going to be easy. They were stuck now, staring at one another, drinking in their last few moments together, knowing there was so much still to say; so much to be left unsaid.
‘Thank you,’ was all Amy could manage.
Alex shook his head, his eyes still fixed on hers, unwavering. ‘There’s no need.’
Amy shrugged; then they were back to standing in excruciating silence. Before long she couldn’t bear it.
‘Make it quick, if you’re going,’ she said, trying to smile.
Alex nodded. He didn’t seem able to speak.
‘Go on,’ Amy persisted, the smile pinned to her face, betrayed by her eyes.
‘I still want to help,’ he said finally, his voice choked with emotion. ‘There will be another court case now, and you might decide you want to… you still need support…’ His voice trailed off.
Amy knew what he was referring to. In the darkness of the plane, he had asked her whether she would go looking for her little girl, and she had told him that at some point she probably would.
‘Al,’ she put a hand on his arm, ‘you can’t be all things to all people. Besides, I think that’s something I need to do on my own.’
He looked momentarily hurt at this, but nodded, went back to his chair, picked up his bag, and slung it over his shoulder. Then he came across to her again, and brushed his palm against her cheek, their eyes drinking one another in.
‘You’ll be okay?’ he asked in the same wracked voice.
‘I will.’
‘I think you will, too,’ he agreed, nodding, looking at her with such intensity that she had trouble holding his gaze.
He began to walk backwards a few steps, still watching her. She held her breath as she registered his every movement, praying for him either to come back or turn around. His last look was so passionate and lingering that she wondered if he were about to change his mind, but then he turned quickly and almost jogged away.
She sat down and stared at Alex’s half-drunk cup of coffee, the only sign now that he had been there. She had thought she would collapse at this point. But she didn’t. Her body felt surprisingly light.
She picked up her own bag, turned away from the table, and set off in the opposite direction.
She knew exactly where she was going next.
99
As soon as Alex was away from the airport concourse, he took out his mobile phone and speed-dialled the familiar number. He was relieved when the call was answered, but that quickly turned to alarm when he registered the voice that had just said hello.
‘Margaret?’ he began, his concern increasing by the second, knowing that her visits to the south were extremely rare. ‘What are you doing there? Where’s Chloe?’
‘Chloe hasn’t been well,’ she replied curtly. ‘I’ve been looking after her.’
‘Well… thank you,’ Alex said, embarrassed. ‘What’s happened? Is she okay?’
‘What do you think has happened, Alex?’ Margaret answered, then continued snootily, ‘Do you want something?’
There was no point, Alex thought, in letting his hackles rise at her tone, for her anger was completely justified. She had been looking after Chloe when that was his job.
‘Can you tell Chloe I called? Please ask her to call me on my mobile.’
‘Okay,’ she said, as if she were going to hang up, before he cut in.
‘Margaret, please tell her… tell her I love her.’
‘I’ll pass the message on, Alex,’ she replied neutrally, and then the line went dead.
After checking into a hotel, Alex spent two days trying to steer around Margaret before Chloe came on the phone, and it was another twenty-four hours before she agreed to see him. In one way he found it agony, having her so close and yet being so far apart, but it was also a relief to be able to focus all his energy on putting this right. Why, at the start of all this, had he shut out the person who had brought him back to life; who, since they’d met, he had never doubted was the future he wanted?