"It's not clean in here. Here's something. Somebody talkin' to me. There is somebody talking to me. Now she walks right past me in the front. And she's wearing a tan . . . suit. She looks like a little person made out of leather, sort of. I see the head real clearly, and you got — you got — it like, you know, makes you sick. kind of, because you know — I can't — I don't know where this thing could be going." (The little room. usually round, is almost a universal experience. A tan suit is also common, as is the description of the skin. Gloving leather has been described. This being, by the way, did not look even a little human. Her looks coincide with one type of visitor that is often described, especially the eyes.)
"'You know what, I think you are old? Are you old?'
"She says, 'Yes, I'm old.'
"She's lookin' — lookin' at me. [ Moves head back, then to left and right, as if being held by the chin and examined.] She's lookin' real close. She's got a matchbox. No, it's not a matchbox." (In this exchange. I remembered a deep, basso profundo voice. She then told me that an operation would he performed.) "'Aww, what is it? What do you mean an operation? What do you mean, an operation? What do you mean, an operation?' I'm getting real scared again. Real scared. Because I cannot do a thing about this. I don't even want to look up at this.
"Can we help you stop screaming? Can we help you stop screaming?
"'You could let me smell you.' She puts her cheek up by my face. They are here. You have to understand that. They are here. 'I'm not going to let you do an operation.'
"'We won't hurt you.'
"'I'm not gonna let you do an operation on me. You have absolutely no right.'
"'We do have a right.'
"That was it, bang. There was nothing to it. I thought they were gonna cut my whole head open. There was nothing to it."
Dr. Klein: "What happened?" '
"Just a bang back behind my head, that's all. Not loud. Just bang. She's sittin' right in front of me the whole time, just lookin' at me. They're moving around back there." (I could sense them, but I was looking at her. She drew something up from below.) "Jesus, is that your penis?' I thought it was a woman [Makes a deep, grunting sound.] That goes right in me. [Another grunt.] Punching it in me, punching it in me. I'm gonna throw up on them. [Pause.]"
(They began trying to open my mouth with their hands.) "'What do you keep wanting to do that to my mouth for?' They keep trying to put something in my mouth. They're real. They're real. Put up her cheek right to me, and they're real! That's the incredible thing here. I've still got this thing in me and it'd be nice to take it out. [Pause. Long breath.] I had a chance to look around in here. And there's a bench, and there's something like a pair of old clothes lying over there on the side. And there's a door. A round door. And it's closed. It has a little black nubbin in it. In the middle of it. And it's closed." (I heard a murmur.) "What the hell did she say to me.
"Voice: 'You are our chosen one.'
"I don't believe that for a minute. It's ridiculous."' (They asked how I knew that it's ridiculous.) "'How did I know that? Because it is ridiculous. Sing that song to somebody else. And also I want to go home.'"
Dr. Klein: "What did they say?"
"'You are our chosen one.' And it's bullshit and I know it right away. S'like a joke, almost. She says, 'Oh no, oh no.' [Imitates singsong.] Y'know, like they're trying to pull my leg. I want to go home.
" 'What if we don't let you go home?'
"But I don't know if she said that or not. I think I think that she said it." (I was shown that door again, which for some reason terrified me. I was asked if I wanted them to open the door.) "'I do not want you to open that door! I belong with my momma and my wife . . . and my boy. That is where I belong. [Sobs.] I don't belong here. I don't know how I ended up here. What the hell did I do to attract all this?"' (She asked if I was as hard as I could get. I did not know exactly what was meant.) "'I guess I am.'
"Voice: 'Can you be harder?'
"'Can I be harder?' Oh, Lord. Didn't know I was hard tike that. 'No, not with you around I can't be harder.'
"Voice: 'What would you like me to be?'
"'What would I like you to be? I'd like you to be a dream, is what I'd like you to be.'
"Voice: 'I can't be that.'
"'I know you can't be that. You just cut me on my finger.' Just like that. He just comes up, pow, bang, gone. Doesn't hurt at all. Doesn't hurt at all. I'm not scared the floor goes away like that. I'm like rolling like a ball. Feels like I'm going backwards in a movie, almost. It's like you just had total freedom and you could fly, only you're not going anywhere except down the rails. Oh, boy."
(I went sailing right back into my living room in no more than a minute. I had no memory of where I had just come from.) "I sit on the couch. I think I'm gonna build up the tire except I haven't got any clothes on. So cold. So tired. I go upstairs. There's two people standing tip here now. And it scares me because I'm — I don't think they were there. I don't think they were there. I go in the bathroom, brush my teeth. I can't get that face out of my head. I sure am glad to get home. Now I have to just go to bed. I see my dark pajamas, blue pajamas. put on my pajamas, tie them up. button them up, get right into bed. I touch Anne. and she's warm God. I wish I could live in a prison. [Sits with eves closed, slumped as if sleeping.]"
"I want you to relax. I want you to go back, back. I want you to see her very vividly, very vividly. I want you to see her face."
"Yeah."
"Why do you say she's a woman?"
"I don't know. I just think it is. Old too. She's got bald she's got a big head and her eyes have bulges . . . she's sort of brown-skinned. not like a black person but like leather. Yellow-brown. And when she opens her mouth her lips are all — she hasn't got lips exactly — but it flops down. Her lips are floppy. I never saw her talking tee me. You know. the truth is. I don't know what that is. I don't know whether it's a bug or what. And I also don't know if it's a woman or not. [Speaks in high, light voice.] It talks like this. It's got sort of a — [Normal speech, as if to creature.] 'You know. I'm not buying this. You ran show me all that little insignia you want, and I'm still not buying this."'
"What did she mean by saving can you get harder?"
"I was about half up. Hard. Penis. And she says. 'Can you get harder?' And the truth is, I could not. I didn't even know I was in that state. And with her around. there's just no way."
"Was this natural, or somehow induced?"
"I don't know. No. But you see, that thing stayed to me. I don't even know when it went out. It was almost like it has alive. It was a big, gray thing with what looked like a little cage on the end of it, a little round nubbin about the size of the end of your thumb. And they shoved it into me . . . they showed me afterward . . , so they must have taken it out of me, but I don't remember them doing it. These things happen sometimes like they're sort of in between. [Pause.] You know, they talk to me, but I can't hear 'em. [Long pause. Sigh.]"
"One thing you mentioned was this message that you were the chosen one."
"Yeah."
"Did you react to that?"
"Yeah. I said exactly what I said then. Because they say, 'You are our chosen one,' and it's just bullshit. Like they're trying to stroke me, you know."
"Did they say chosen for what?"
"Nah. Not for anything. They've got a lot of them, believe me. I've seen some of the others before. All lying down there."
"What others?"
"The other people. There was a whole row of 'em. But that was a long time ago. They didn't know where they were or what they were doing. I was sittin' up in bed. And uh---"
"How old were you?"