Sylvia-something was going through a terrible, terrible time, and what did Audrey have to complain about, really? Her problems were small ones, but they filled her up, as small problems will until the big ones move in and elbow them aside.
She knew she had allowed her anger at Leon to fester inside her, and she recalled the words from Ephesians 4:26-27: “Let not the sun go down upon your anger: Neither give place to the devil.” And she knew it was time to let go of that anger and confront him once and for all.
She knew that her hurt and disappointment over Jack Noyce might never heal, but it would not get in the way of her doing the right thing.
She thought of that poor little daughter of Nicholas Conover, fumbling at the piano, that beautiful needy face. That little girl who had just lost her mother and was about to lose her father too.
And that was the most wrenching thing of all, knowing that she was about to orphan that little girl.
She began weeping, her shoulders heaving, the hot tears running down her cheeks, and someone was rubbing her shoulder and consoling her, and she felt loved.
Outside the church, in the gloomy daylight, she took her cell phone out of her purse and called Roy Bugbee.
101
The throaty growl of a car coming up the driveway.
Leon? No, Leon’s car didn’t sound that way. Out catting, Leon was. And on a Sunday. She felt a swell of resentment, of resolve.
She parted the sheer curtains in the front parlor. Bugbee.
His leering grin. “Finally decided to do it, eh?”
She invited him into the front parlor, where he took Leon’s chair and Audrey sat facing him on the couch. Bugbee’s foot jostled something, and a couple of brown glass bottles clattered.
He glanced down. “Hitting the sauce, Aud? Pressure getting too much for you?”
“I don’t even like the taste of beer,” she said, embarrassed. “So what’s up?”
“One complication.”
“Oh no.”
“A good complication. Our friend Eddie’s rolling over on Conover.”
“What does that mean, exactly?”
“He wants to deal.”
“How much did he tell you?”
“Not a fucking thing. Just that he might have some information of interest to us.”
“He’s got to show us the wares.”
“He wants a deal first. I’m betting he’s the coconspirator.”
She thought a moment. “What if he’s the shooter, not Conover?”
“Them’s the breaks. If he gives up Conover for aiding and abetting, we got ’em both.”
“He knows about the gun match.” Another car engine, had to be Leon.
“You tell him? I sure as hell didn’t.”
She shook her head and told him about the call from Grand Rapids.
“Fucking Noyce,” said Bugbee. “What’d I tell you?”
“What did you tell me?”
“I never liked him.”
“That’s because he doesn’t like you.”
“Touché. But not my point. Him and Eddie Rinaldi both have something on each other. Now looks like we have something on Noyce.”
“I don’t play that game,” Audrey said firmly.
“Christ,” said Bugbee. “The fuck is the point of being a church lady, time like this?”
“How about I put it in terms you might understand? You want to be up front and open with Noyce, I have no problem with that. But I’ll bet you he knows that we know.”
“You think?”
“He knows I’ve been talking to Grand Rapids. He knows I dig deep. Anyway, you want to play games with him later, I really don’t care. My heart breaks for him, but right now I’m just thinking about this case and how we make it work. My way is to ignore him, work around him, put through this arrest paperwork on the down low so he doesn’t have a chance to tell Rinaldi.”
Bugbee shrugged, accepting defeat.
“And I’ll tell you something else. I don’t want to make a deal with Rinaldi.”
“That’s fucked up,” Bugbee protested. “He’s our way in.”
“You’re the one who kept saying we have this case nailed, right? Why do you want to give up so easily?”
“It’s not giving up,” Bugbee said.
“It’s not, huh? I want to charge them both with open murder. That way we have maximum bargaining room. We sort it out later.”
“So now you think we’ve got it nailed, that it?”
“Just about. Tomorrow morning first thing, I’m going to talk to Stadler’s psychiatrist again.”
“A little late for that, don’t you think?”
“Not at all. It’ll strengthen our hand considerably with the prosecutor’s office if he’ll agree to testify that Stadler could be deranged, even dangerous. If we get that, we’ll get the arrest warrants for sure.”
“I thought he already refused to talk to you.”
“I’m not giving up.”
“You can’t force him.”
“No, but I can persuade him. Or try, at least.”
“You believe it?”
“Believe what?”
“Believe that Stadler was dangerous.”
“I don’t know what to believe. I think Conover and Rinaldi believed it. If we have the psychiatrist on board, we have motive. The slickest lawyer Nick Conover can find’s going to have a steep hill to climb on that one. And then we sure don’t need any deal with Eddie, understand?”
“Roll the dice, you mean?”
“Sometimes you have to,” she said.
“You don’t want to roast Noyce’s balls over a campfire like I do, huh?”
She shook her head. “I’m not angry. I’m…” She thought. “I’m disappointed. I’m sad.”
“You know something, I always thought you Jesus freaks were kidding, on some level. But I think you’re serious about all that do-the-right-thing stuff. About being good. Aren’t you?”
She laughed. “It’s not about being good, Roy. It’s about trying to be good. You think Jesus is some…” She searched for the word. “Some wimp? No. He was a real hard ass. He had to be.”
Bugbee smiled, his eyes crinkling. She tried to read his expression, wasn’t sure if she detected the tiniest glint of admiration. “Jesus the hard ass. I like that.”
“So when was the last time you went to church, Roy?”
“Oh, no. Don’t fucking start on me. Let’s get one thing clear. That’s not going to happen.” He paused. “Besides, sounds to me like Jesus’s got some work to do in your own household.”
Stung, Audrey didn’t reply.
“Sorry,” Bugbee said after a few seconds. “That was out of bounds.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “You may be right.”
102
A chill was in the air, the fall days tinged with the coming winter. The sky was steel gray and ominous, threatening to rain at any moment.
In the living room, however, where Audrey sat reading, it was warm almost to the point of stifling. After Bugbee left, she’d made a fire in the fireplace, the first of the season. The fatwood had caught right away, which pleased her, and now the logs crackled loudly, making her jump from time to time as she lingered over a passage that wouldn’t let go.
She opened the Bible to the book of Matthew and wept for the man who’d been her friend. She thought, too, about Leon, about how she’d have it out with him. Now she was all the more determined to somehow rise above anger and recrimination.
Noyce and Leon: they were nothing alike, but both were men with feet of clay. Leon was a lost man, but he was a man she loved. She knew how quick she was to judge others. Maybe it was time to learn forgiveness. That seemed to be the whole point of the parable of the unmerciful servant in the book of Matthew.
A king was owed a great sum of money by one of his servants and was about to sell the servant and his family in order to raise the money. But when the servant pleaded, his master took pity and forgave him his debt. Not long afterward, the servant met a fellow servant of the king’s who owed him some money, and what did he do? He grabbed the man by the throat and demanded payment. The king summoned the ingrate and said, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”