“Alejandro, where are you going?” Imelda asked, chasing after us.
“I’m getting out of here. I wanted to come here and fill you all in on what was going on, make us into one united family before I face the biggest event of my life on Monday, and you and Abuelita have done nothing but further add to my anxiety. You think I’m not scared about what could happen to me and my career?”
Imelda stood shocked, eyes bulging as her hand lay firmly over her heart. Alex’s admission was news to me as well, but I wasn’t about to say anything.
“I’m scared shitless, but my family turning their backs on me scares me more than anything that the Marine Corps could do to me. This fucking destroys me, and neither of you seem to care.”
“I only want what’s best for you, Alejandro. I have nothing against Cassie, but—”
“There are no buts. I love her. She’s what keeps me going, what makes me whole. I’m fucking giving that up. I was hoping to add to my family, and instead, you guys are pulling away. So be it. I can’t wait around for you to figure it out.”
“Alex, don’t do this!” Adriana yelled. “Everyone is just tense right now.”
“I don’t have time to wait for their shit, Adriana.”
He pulled us out of the house and over to his truck. Tears pooled in his eyes, but he worked hard at containing them, making sure not to allow any to escape down his face. Imelda stood in the walkway, arms folded as her tears fell in droves. Adriana came running to the truck, pleading with Alex not to leave like this, but he wasn’t having any of it. He had been broken by the people who had worked their entire lives to keep him whole—to strengthen him, to make him who he was. I found it a bit ironic that they had made him this strong, conviction holding person, yet when he held to that, they had a problem with it.
My eyes were bloodshot, my head was spinning, and my heart was beating so roughly that I thought it might come loose and break through my chest. I hadn’t seen Alex like this since the night he rescued me from Allen, and even then he wasn’t broken and battered the way he seemed to be now. This was something more, and it stabbed at me with a dull knife, further torturing me as the sight of him pushed that knife deeper and deeper.
“You figure it out, Adriana. I’m done,” I heard Alex say to his sister. She was now in tears and wiping furiously as she continued to plead with him. “We’re getting married tomorrow. I’ll let you know when and where if you want to come.”
“Of course,” she responded, wrapping her brother in her arms. The bond the two of them shared was special, and in the midst of this fucking hurricane, it was the calm that made everything seem as if it was worth it.
Alex hopped into the truck and pulled off, leaving his crying mother and sister, and hysterically angry and sick grandmother in the dust. I couldn’t believe how badly things had gotten, and how I’d had to defend myself when it was never my intent.
Alex’s white knuckled grip held the steering wheel as we drove off onto the freeway that looked to be taking us back to Huntington Beach. Neither of us said anything. We stared blankly out the window, and I occasionally wiped away tears as I looked out, pondering how we would move forward from this.
The air grew milder as we inched closer to the beach. My head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, pictures, and confusion. It seemed easier to be skirting the Corps and hiding than it did to be out in the open. Alex didn’t say a word. He pulled into the stall and sat for a moment, head back against the headrest before looking over to me and taking my hand in his.
“I can’t apologize enough to you, Blondie. I knew they would have a hard time with it, but I never expected it to go there.”
Tears ran down my face as I looked into his eyes, so full of hurt and concern. Our world seemed to be unraveling every which way we turned. Nothing seemed to be working in our favor, and the thought of it all had me sick to the point of wanting to vomit.
“I can’t live my life for anyone but me, and I hate not having my fucking family around for this, but I need to move forward. If they want to step out of my life, they’ll just have to.”
His words sliced me to the core. Alex had the family I wished I’d had growing up. They were encouraging, loving, and supportive, and yet, everything they were, they had turned away from. Alex was making a choice that they were forcing him to make, but that didn’t mean it came lightly. It was a silent killer, and even though he was ready to move forward with me, I could tell a large piece of him was dying inside.
He took my hand and kissed the top as more tears streamed down my face. “What’s the matter, Blondie?” I shook my head, unable to formulate words. “Fucking talk to me, Cassie. I hate watching you hurt. Let me help you.”
“I can’t, Alex… I just can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
I looked up into his eyes, the saddened hazel orbs staring into my soul, willing the words out of me. I felt sick and heartbroken, but I couldn’t go on with jumbled feelings any longer. More tears fell as I tried hard to catch my breath. I was floundering, struggling to survive as I watched the man I loved more than anyone else on this earth stare into my soul.
“What, Cassie? Talk to me, baby.”
“I can’t marry you, Alex. Not right now.”
My words seemed to knock the air out of Alex as they hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in shock by what had left my mouth, and now afraid of what was to come. I had done irrevocable damage to us, but even more so, I knew that I had destroyed Alex. As I looked at him, eyes bulging with tears streaking down his face, I couldn’t stop the floodgates from opening and allowing the tears to race down my own. The hurt filling Alex’s truck was too much to bear, so I jumped out and threw up, watching the splatter hit the ground through my tear streaked eyes.
Chapter 9
Alex
What the fuck had Cassie just said?
I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly because my ear drums instantaneously burst with the sound of her words. My heart sank, and vomit seemed to be racing to the top, ready to explode in a violent manner, mirroring Cassie on the other side of the truck. Heat flared up in my chest, and the pain accompanying her words was worse than anything that I’d ever felt before. A savage beast, ripping away at my flesh would have felt better than what I was feeling at the moment. I couldn’t breathe, and my vision went blurry, making me feel sick with disgust and worry.
My grandmother shocked the hell out of me with how vile she had been to Cassie. I didn’t go into that situation thinking she would be okay with what was happening, and I knew she would have some words to say, but never in a million years, no matter how angry she got, did I think she’d lay out an ultimatum for me. Here I was, forced to choose between my family and the girl I loved, and the shit was slowly, tortuously ripping me in half, leaving me bare, naked, and vulnerable.
I forcefully pushed open the truck door and stepped out, propping myself up against the side while my hands hid my face from the sun. Agony soared through me, filling me with combustible pain. I turned around, momentarily losing the ability to control my body, and my fist met the side of the truck, sending throbbing jolts through my hand as I yelled out in menacing frustration, “Fuck!”
This shit felt like a nightmare that just wouldn’t end, and I was struggling to break away from it.
When I finally got my bearings back, I walked around to the other side of the truck to find Cassie hunched over, breathing hard as if she struggled to find air. I couldn’t care that she had just poured the salt into the wounds that felt as if they would be the end of me. She was hurting, and when she hurt, I hurt even more. The sight of her in that state was enough to put the nail in my coffin, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen.