“Head off to the Chaplin, son. He’ll fill you in on everything you need to know and help you deal with it.”
“Who the fuck is it?” I yelled, my mind completely lost and not giving a shit about anything at the moment. Those threatening tears that never seemed to give up began to sting my eyes once again, one finally falling and racing down my cheek. My cheeks burned with the heat of frustration, and my mouth went cotton dry. Yelling at this point was an added punishment as it seemed my throat was being shredded by sharp shards of glass.
My heart beat so hard that it hurt, my eyes stung so badly that I could no longer keep them open, and my body tensed up so badly that I could no longer contain it. I began to tremble with the chills in over one hundred degrees weather and found myself unable to think straight. As tough as I thought I was, Iraq had a nasty grip on me and wasn’t letting go.
The Chaplain finally came into the tent just as Keating stepped out. He sat down in the seat next to me and began talking. I couldn’t come to grips with what he was saying as the emotional turmoil of the day pounded me like a helpless child.
His words sealed my fate, broke me down and forced all the pent-up aggression out of me.
Chapter 20
Cassie
“This hospital is going to know you so well, Cassie.”
“I know. I really hate that.”
Dalton had been by my side ever since the little accident I’d had at PT the day before. Even though I was mad at him, he was still my right hand while Alex was gone.
Things with Angelica had gone back to being tense, and I really couldn’t say that I expected anything different. Alex didn’t trust her, Dalton didn’t trust her, and when the drugging theories were floating around, it didn’t dawn on me to defend her because deep down I felt she was capable. She’d taken offense to that, and now we were right back where we started from, only dealing with one another when absolutely necessary. I’d apologized to her for shoveling the blame at her feet, which she accepted, but the damage had been done. Unfortunately, some people just aren’t meant to be friends, and after everything we’d been through, I chalked it up to Angelica and me being those people.
Dalton had fucked up royally where his love life was concerned, and I was pissed at him about it. Sure, it was his choice to be with whomever he wanted, but that was the thing. He hadn’t made a choice. He forced Ben out of his life by stating that he wouldn’t make a choice and wanted the freedom to be with both of them when he could. I couldn’t say that I blamed Ben for not agreeing with that plan. He didn’t live in California and would be giving up his life back home to be with Dalton, but the loss and hurt in Ben’s eyes had done me in, sparking tears that wouldn’t stop and fueling an anger so deep that I couldn’t speak Dalton’s name for a couple of days. I loved him only second to Alex, so our separation didn’t last long, but my empathy for Ben made me lash out at Dalton, striking a small, but reparable rift between us.
“So what’s the deal? What happened to you?”
“We were running that mountain trail towards the back of base and at the end of the run, I started cramping. I told Staff Sergeant Rappert that I just needed to stretch and go to the bathroom, and when I did, I was spotting.”
“None of them knows about the pregnancy?”
“No, it’s none of their business.”
“They are going to find out, Cassie. Might as well tell them. You need to chill out and take care of little Alex in there.”
An icy chill crept up my spine as I thought about Alex. I’d tried to tell him, but he was forced off the phone and I never got the words out. He’d made mention of kids before, but neither of us expected them this soon, and I wasn’t sure a child was best for us right now with everything that was happening. My mind played out scenarios of me telling him, his reaction to it, and my reaction to him. None of it was good, and fear came crawling back in, making me wish that I could avoid it altogether.
“I don’t think I can tell him, Dalton. We’ve just gotten back on solid ground.”
Dalton’s blue eyes turned stone cold, zeroing in on me. “Cassie, you better get that shit out of your head right now. Good or bad timing, this is your baby. A baby you two made together.”
Dalton’s concern finally hit me, shocking me a bit.
“Do you think? Wait! I would never do that, Dalton.”
His face relaxed as my words placated him. The icy stare he glared my way warmed with my words, and he took my hand, rubbing the top affectionately.
“I just know you’re scared and confused, so I wasn’t sure what was running through your head.”
“Well, rest assured. That was not.”
After what felt like forever, the nurse returned back to my room, and informed me that the cramping and spotting were absolutely normal. It was music to ears. The fear of Alex’s unhinged reaction to the news was still in the back of my mind, but I told myself I’d deal with his lunacy when the time came, and right now, just wasn’t that time.
I went to work the next day, claiming exhaustion and nothing more, then spent my night dodging my mother’s phone calls. She didn’t understand that when I said I was done with her, I really was done with her. I could have taken her calls, but her verbal lashings every time she got me on the phone with her was too much to bear, and right now, with everything that I had going on in my life, I just didn’t want to put myself through the unnecessary misery.
Dalton came over with food and movies, forcing himself to watch the likes of Mean Girls and the old school Babysitters Club Movie per my request. He hated them, but said if it meant spending time with me, he was all for it. Ben had altogether stopped talking to him, and things between him and Johnson had gone sour in a hurry. Dalton spent as little time in their shared room as possible, hoping and praying that his request for a new room would be approved sooner rather than later.
“Have you heard from Alex?”
“Nope, the last time I spoke to him he was rushed off of the phone. It was crazy, so I know something was up.”
“You aren’t still torturing yourself with the news, are you? You know they don’t report anything good.”
“I try not to, but it’s hard when everywhere you turn, Marines are dying around us. I never want that to be Alex.”
“Of course you don’t. But watching that shit fest on the news isn’t going to change things one way or another. Stop watching it. It’ll drive a sane person crazy, and you aren’t exactly sane.”
I hit his shoulder, then stood to make my way to the bathroom since the nausea had started to settle in.
“Hey!” Dalton called out. “You have a call from a four-eight-oh area code.”
“Hit ignore. It’s my mom, and I don’t want to speak to her.” I walked out of the bathroom.
“It’s not your mom. No name popped up here.”
“She’s probably just calling from a different number so I’ll answer the phone. I’m onto her shit, Dalton. Just hit ignore.”
He did, then got a call on his phone that made him jump up with excitement. “I’ll be back. It’s the barrack’s manager. Hopefully they are assigning me to my new room.”
“Enjoy. I’ll be here when you get back.”
He hurried out of the room, looking like he’d just struck it rich.
My voicemail chime went off. My mom had stopped leaving voicemails, so I decided to listen and was pleasantly surprised to hear one of my only friend’s from back home, Taylor, on the other end.
I immediately called her back, excited to hear from her. She had gone on a trip of self-discovery through the Alaskan wilderness and hadn’t had much contact with anyone during that time. She talked about meeting some fisherman up there, and her plans to uproot from the desert to the mountains, moving in with him and getting married. She’d spent six months up there and found out she was pregnant towards the end of her voyage, and couldn’t have been more thrilled about it. Her excitement prompted me to share my news, making her the first person outside of Dalton who knew about my pregnancy.