“Nothing. I’m here and that’s all that matters. Anyway, when did you find out?”
“Not too long ago.”
“What made you take a test?”
She stalled, which quickly drew my curiosity. “Dalton thought that I’d been drugged.”
“Drugged?” I asked, lifting my head.
“Yeah, I went to a party, and I was sick and throwing up. But I had been feeling sick for a bit. I just ignored it, thinking it was a mixture of my new workout and not eating enough. I was wrong.”
“Whose party was this?”
“That’s not important, Alex.”
“It is fucking important. And the fact that you don’t want to say tells me that I’m not going to like it.”
“Well, then there is no need to tell you.”
“Cassie, you tell me right now. I don’t have much of a fuse after this shit I just went through today.”
She sighed again. “Angelica’s.”
“Why the fuck would you party with her? Have you forgotten—”
“I haven’t forgotten anything. We work together, we’d been working out in a group, and they had a party. She didn’t drug me, I’m knocked up. End of story.”
I took her face in my hand, holding her stare. “Don’t you ever fucking say knocked up. You are pregnant with my baby.”
She nodded slightly, curving her lips into the first smile I had seen from her all day. I planted my lips to hers, kissing her softly and basking in the feel of her in my possession once again.
“Can we name the baby after my mom? One way or another?”
“Anything for your mom, Alex. Anything.”
I kissed her again, whispering how much I loved her in between kisses, thankful that I had Cassie in my life and that I wouldn’t be going through this tumultuous time on my own. My lips slipped down her neck and over her collarbone. My hands traveled into her panties, cupping her perfect pussy as she shifted her legs with the touch.
“Alex, what are you doing?”
“I need you, baby. I need you. I need to feel you.”
“Alex…”
“Please, Blondie. Don’t turn me away. Not when I need you most.”
Emotion filled my voice, catching Cassie’s attention. Her emerald-green eyes sparkled with admiration, inviting me to have my fill of her. I gently removed her panties, then hovered over her, looking down on the beautiful girl I’d been so lucky to get and somehow keep. I didn’t fucking deserve her, but that wasn’t up to me, and for once I was grateful that something was out of my control.
“I couldn’t have picked a more perfect mom for my kids,” I murmured, lowering myself down and sinking into her. She was soft, warm, and deliciously sweet.
I held myself inside as I breathed in her sensual scent, splaying light kisses over her neck. She kissed the side of my face, holding me tightly while lightly swiveling her hips. I took her hint and began to move, slow and steady, wanting to feel every inch of her impeccable body. I moved in and out as Cassie met me thrust for thrust. She whimpered slightly, digging her nails into my back as she strengthened her hip movements. I didn’t want it to end…I didn’t want to lose this connection to her.
I could feel my release inching towards explosion, but I held it off as long as I could, grabbing and raising Cassie’s thigh, giving myself the necessary space to dig deeper. She gasped, squeezed my neck and cried out her release as she shook and whimpered. I lay still inside of her, not ready to lose this connection that we shared.
“I love you more than all of the stars in the sky, Blondie,” I whispered.
Her eyes were tightly shut, her bottom lip held down by her teeth. She swiveled her hips, prompting me to begin moving inside of her again. I moved excruciatingly slow, basking in the feel of the one place that seemed to knock all of my problems out in one fell swoop, then pounded my way through her a few times before I stilled and spilled into her.
It hurt, and it soothed.
It was pleasure and pain.
And at the end of it, I realized that every piece of heartache that I had felt, from Vega to my mom, would never go away, but it would be healed by the love of the beautiful girl lying beneath me, willing to take me as I was—flaws and all.
A tear fell from Cassie’s eye. She blinked before anymore could follow.
“Why are you crying, babe?”
“For you…for us…losing your mom, I wasn’t sure how you would react to me…to this.”
I smiled, painfully aware of just how unpredictable I could be. “You’re my light in all of that dark, Cassie. Don’t ever think otherwise.”
“So you’re ready for a baby?”
“I didn’t say that. But we’ll get there together.”
She smiled and pulled me down to her. I kissed her with everything I had, every ounce of love, passion, sorrow and guilt. Everything mixed into one was no match for what Cassie and I had, and with our creation growing inside of her, it was only going to get stronger.
++++
In the span of one month, I had attended the memorial for Cpl. Vega and then for my mom. Emotionally, I was exhausted with nothing left to give and guilt consuming every piece of me for it. Meeting Vega’s girlfriend, who he was planning to marry when he returned home, was the hardest part of his service. She was all he had in the world, and listening as the words, On behalf of a grateful nation, echoed in my ears, and temporarily numbed me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should have been in Vega’s spot. If he hadn’t stepped in to calm me down from ripping into that fucking kid out there, he’d still be here. The turmoil ate away at me, present only to Cassie, but still enough to crack my hardened exterior.
The loud bangs of the 21 gun salute shook my resolve, replaying every soul-sucking memory of what had led us to this day. Vega pulled the trigger to save Christen’s life, but who had been there to save his? I couldn’t escape the thought that we had let him down…that we had failed him. Images of his face, struggling and fearful, continued to haunt me with every shot until finally they stopped, all at once, leaving nothing but still air and a blank mind.
My mom’s service, unfortunately, didn’t go much better. My heart broke all over again with the gathering of our family and friends speaking about my mother in past tense, solidifying the fact that she would never again call me her mijo, or Alejandro. There was only one person left who did that, and with my mom’s passing I was fearful that I wouldn’t have my grandma much longer.
Cassie placed the butterfly necklace that I had purchased for her on top of my mom’s casket. That small little gesture finally put a ray of sunlight on an overall dreary day. We were the only two people in the room who understood the significance in it, and we shared a smile, knowing my mom was free to fly.
All of the gang was present for her service: Riley and Nat, Dalton, Newsome, Smith, and even fucking Jensen. I was still uncomfortable with the idea of him and Adriana dating, him playing daddy to Abel, and our relationship as a whole. We didn’t speak much, and beyond stiff condolences, we really didn’t have much to say to one another. I tried hard not to let my unease with their relationship affect what I had and needed to maintain with my sister, but a part of me was still very much pissed off.
“She’s grown, Alex. Let her be,” Cassie kept reminding me. It didn’t matter how many times she said it, my mind wouldn’t allow me to settle with that fact. Our close knit family had shrunk by one, and I was determined, more than ever, to protect my sister and keep our family together.
“Yeah, Alex, I’m grown. One of these days you and Brandon will be okay again, so I’ll wait,” Adriana said, swatting my back in passing. She walked back over to where he was, dropping a light kiss on his lips and making me frown in disgust.
I wasn’t sure how I would ever be okay with the idea of those two as a couple. I couldn’t see it, didn’t want to see it, and wasn’t going to allow myself to see it. As far as I was concerned, Jensen was just another dude that my sister was seeing, and would hopefully get tired of. It was all I had left because anything beyond that, I couldn’t fucking handle.