After arranging for a light picnic lunch, they'd made their way to the stables, where he introduced her to the rest of his rescued pets while their horses were saddled. His animals fell in love with her, and it was clear the feeling was mutual. Then they rode around the vast grounds, his favorite part of the estate. When he dismounted to pick her a bouquet of wildflowers, she'd thanked him by opening the front placard of his breeches, sinking to her knees, and proving that she could indeed melt him with her tongue. He'd proven the same to her, and he knew that for the rest of his life wildflowers would remind him of her. And this perfect day.
Afterward, they'd continued their ride. He hadn't intended to stop at the small lake on the property, but she caught a glimpse of the sparkling water through the trees and was enchanted. When she suggested they set up their picnic beneath the willow near the shore, he'd had to clamp his jaws together to keep from uttering a harsh no. He hated the water, and the lake was the last place he wanted to be. But seeing the eagerness in her eyes, he'd been unable to refuse her.
By sitting with his back to the water, he'd almost forgotten it was there, and was able to enjoy both the casual meal and her company. And now, full and sleepy, his spine settled against the willow's trunk and Carolyn's head resting in his lap, he lightly played with a tendril of her silky hair.
Bloody hell, the thought of this day ending filled him a sense of loss that confounded him. One that had him flailing in a quagmire of completely unfamiliar emotions-emotions he'd valiantly but unsuccessfully fought all day to keep at bay.
He kept hoping sanity would slap him, stop him from this seemingly unstoppable headlong plunge into the emotional abyss yawning before him. But it seemed he was helpless to halt his descent. Helpless to stop wanting her. Touching her. Simply being with her. And completely unprepared to know how to navigate such previously unchartered emotional waters.
He looked down and watched her study a tiny yellow flower she'd plucked from the grass. Such a simple act, yet one that utterly enchanted him. There was something so natural about her. She didn't possess the haughty demeanor of so many women of his class, no doubt because she wasn't born into the peerage. She was a viscountess now, yet in spite of her status, retained an air of easygoing charm that utterly captivated him. The look of wonder that entered her eyes at the sound of a wren's warble or the sight of a butterfly or a tiny yellow flower intoxicated him.
"You don't take things for granted." He hadn't meant to say the words out loud, but when he did, Carolyn lifted her chin and gazed up at him.
She studied him through serious eyes for several seconds then nodded. "I try not to. I've been given more than I ever thought to possess. More than I deserve. But I've also lost a great deal. When the thing you love most in the world is snatched away from you…" Her voice trailed off and she frowned, then returned her gaze to the yellow flower.
She meant Edward, of course, the man she'd loved, and continued to love, so deeply. He was unprepared for the profound fissure of envy that ripped through him. How would it feel to be so adored? For someone to consider you that which they loved most in the world?
A frown bunched his brow. He'd never before wondered such a thing. He supposed it must feel good, although he had no way of knowing. Certainly no one had ever loved him that way.
"I do my best to appreciate what I still have," she said softly, "although it's been a difficult journey."
Her words made him realize how often he took his own privileged life and position for granted, and shame filled him. "You've inspired me to follow your example and be more appreciative," he said.
Her gaze flew to his and there was no missing the surprise in her eyes. "You are the inspiring one, Daniel. The way you've helped Samuel and Katie and those poor animals." She shot him a quizzical look then shook her head. "You don't have any idea how wonderful you are, do you?"
He was prevented from voicing the incredulous sound that rose in his throat by the lump that settled there at her question. The oddest sensation flowed through him, one he couldn't name, as he'd never felt it before. One that made it seem as if he'd been wrapped up in a warm, velvety blanket on a cold, winter night.
Bloody hell, again she was gazing up at him as if he were some sort of hero. And while he couldn't deny that having her look at him like that made him feel so damn good, neither could he deny the guilt that nipped at him for not correcting her. Because she was incredibly wrong.
He managed a weak smile and skimmed his hand lightly over her soft hair. "I'm glad you think so."
She smiled, then settled her head more comfortably in his lap and closed her eyes. "I know so."
He shut his eyes as well, allowing himself a few minutes to recover from the emotions welling inside him. But that few minutes, coupled with almost no rest last night, lulled him into a much needed sleep. The next thing he knew, his backside was numb and he realized he must have dozed off. He moved his hand to touch Carolyn and felt nothing. Blinking his heavy lids open, he saw he was alone under the tree.
"Carolyn?" Not seeing her wandering amongst the copse of trees in front of him, he turned to look behind him, toward the lake. And froze.
Carolyn, her back to him, wearing only her thin chemise, stood in the lake, the water lapping at her hips. Chilled fingers of icy fear raced up his spine to wrap around his throat-terrifying glimmers emerging from the dark place he kept them ruthlessly buried. As he watched, she moved forward, the water rising to her waist.
The rational part of his mind told him she was fine, but the memories he'd locked away so long ago bombarded him, mixing the past with the present, rushing sick, cold dread through him, twisting his insides into a painful knot.
With his heart beating so hard it felt as if each thud bruised his ribs, he rose on shaky legs and pulled in an unsteady breath.
"Carolyn!"
Her name sounded rough and hoarse, and he heard the panic gripping him. She turned at the sound, and unlike all those years ago, he was offered a sunny smile. A cheerful wave. But then his vision seemed to waver and instead of loose honey-colored hair he saw a dark braid. And eyes, so empty and bleak.
He blinked, and Carolyn's bright smile again swam before him. Her lips moved, saying something to him, but he couldn't hear above the roar in his ears. She waved again then turned and waded deeper into the water. He started forward on unsteady legs and shouted at her to come back, but just then she lost her footing. Her arms flailed and with a cry she went down. And disappeared beneath the water's glasslike surface.
God Almighty, not again. Not again.
The words reverberated through his mind, a bloodcurdling mantra. Everything inside him turned to ice, and for a single stuttering heartbeat he vividly relived what he'd spent years trying to forget. Then, with a jagged cry that seemed rendered from the very depths of his soul, he roared, "No!" and ran into the lake, frantic to reach her. He swam toward her, desperately fighting his past and his memories but failing.
Carolyn's head popped above the surface, and with a sputter she spit out a mouthful of lake water. A huff of incredulous laughter escaped her and she brushed at the tangled strands of hair plastered to her face. How clumsy could she be? Good heavens, her feet had gone right out from underneath her.
Shaking her head at her lack of grace, she struggled to rise. She'd just gained her balance when strong hands grabbed her upper arms and roughly turned her around. Blinking away the lake water clinging to her lashes, she looked up at Daniel. A self-conscious laugh escaped her and she again shoved at the hair clinging to her face.