“Where is this relationship of ours going?” he said.
“Time will tell,” Fay said.
“Where do you want it to go?”
She opened one eye and studied him. “Aren’t you happy? My good god—you get fed glorious meals, you get to use my can, my credit card, I bought you a decent suit that isn’t two years out of style with my money—you get to screw me. Don’t you?”
That word had always bothered him, since he had first heard her use it. Now of course she would never stop; she had noticed his reaction to it.
“What more do you want?” she said.
He said, “But what do you want out of it?”
“I get a nice man,” she said. “A very pretty man. You know that. You’re the prettiest man I ever saw in my entire life; as soon as I saw you that day I wanted to take you to my bed and screw you. Didn’t I tell you that?”
With patience, he said, “Let’s look at the possibilities. First of all, your husband will either recover or he won’t. That means he’ll either be coming back from the hosp’tal or he won’t. Do you realize I don’t know how you feel toward him? Whether you’d prefer him to come back, and if he did come back—”
She interrupted, “You know, we could lie down on the sand and screw.”
“God damn you,” he said.
“Why?” she said. “Because I’m using the same words as you? What do you call it? You do it, whatever you call it. You do screw me; you have screwed me… five times. Listen,” she said, all at once becoming serious. “The last time when I was washing my diaphragm afterward—did I tell you?”
“No,” he said, with apprehension.
“It was eaten away. Corroded. Are you sure your sperm doesn’t have some sort of sulphuric acid in it? My good god, it was totally ruined—I had to drive down to Fairfax and get another, and I had to be measured again—she told me I always should be measured when I get a new diaphragm. I didn’t know that. I’ve replaced my diaphragm six on seven times without being measured. She told me the one I’ve been using is much too small. It’s a good thing it did wear out.”
After a pause he tried to resume his own topic. “I want to know if you’re interested in me on a permanent basis.”
“What if I said no?” she said.
“Well,” he said, “I’m just curious.”
“Does it matter? Why do you have to have these great answers? My good god.”
“Remember, I’ve got a wife,” he said, with growing outrage. “It’s important to me to know where you and I stand.”
“You mean, ‘are my intentions honorable’?”
“Yes,” he said finally.
Fay said, “I’m in love with you. You know how you affect me; nobody ever affected me that way in my entire life. But—you mean, you’re thinking about marriage, aren’t you? Could you support me? I have a house budget of twelve thousand a year… did you know that?”
“Yes,” he said.
“You couldn’t support me and the two girls on your salary.”
He said, “Presumably there’d be some kind of settlement.”
“I own one half the house,” she said. “Community property. My equity is worth about fifteen thousand. And I’ve got property that Charley gave me as a gift… stock in the Fond motor company. I get in about one hundred a month from that. And I’ve got one hundred and fifty more coming in from an apartment building in Tampa, Florida. So I get in two fifty a month, and that’s all I have, except that I’d get the Buick; it’s mine.”
“Would you consider splitting up from Charley?” he said. “If he recovers?”
“Well,” she said, “the girls like you. They’re afraid of Charley because they’ve seen him hit me. You’d never hit me. Would you? I really can’t stand that; I almost left him a couple of times. L god damn near drove over and got Sheriff Chisholm and had a felony wife-beating warrant sworn out… maybe I should have.” She paused, deep in thought. “I really should get the house. It’s actually mine. He should give that to me.”
“It’s a nice house,” he said. He thought to himself what it would be like. They would live partly—perhaps mostly—on Fay’s money, and in Fay’s house. The children would be Fay’s. The car, too. Of course, he would eat well … assuming that the settlement with Charley went in her favor. But suppose Charley hired lawyers and got after her with a change of adultery? Suppose they got after her with an unfit mother charge? Possibly she would wind up with no settlement at all, no alimony, no child-support.
“You wouldn’t have to support the kids,” she said. “I know he’d always see to their welfare.” He nodded.
“How would you feel about using my money?” she said.
“How would you feel?” he said.
“It wouldn’t bother me. Money is money, nothing more. It would be money I got from him.”
He said, “Suppose something went wrong and you didn’t get it. You wound up with no money, with only my means of support.”
“You could stop your studying,” she said. “Go to work fulltime. Couldn’t you earn enough in the real estate game to support us? I know a man, a San Francisco man, who earns about fourteen thousand a year in real estate. Men make fortunes in real estate.” She went on, then, to tell him of all the deals, all the quick riches and comfortable livings that she had heard about among realtors and land speculators. Her apartment building in Tampa, for instance. It had cost them almost nothing. Charley was very good at picking up property cheap… their ten acres here in Marin County hadn’t set them back, much, and at one time they had had options on all sorts of acreage around Marin County, including some very choice land.
“I think,” he said, “I’d be a lot better off ultimately if I went on and got my degree.”
“Oh balls,” she said. “My god, I’ve got a BA and I couldn’t eann a nickel with it; I tried. I wasn’t qualified for any high-paying jobs, any professional jobs, and when I applied for the usual stuff they give to business school graduates—typing and shorthand stuff, office stuff—they were suspicious of me because I had a degree. They told me I ‘wouldn’t be happy.’ That was before I was married, of course. I’d rather be dead than work in an office, now that I’ve had a chance to live a really happy life. I love it up here in the country; this is such a beautiful area. I wouldn’t go back to the city for anything in the world. It would kill me.”
He thought, The message is clear. She wouldn’t make any attempt to put me through school. She wouldn’t permit any drop in her standard of living. She wouldn’t even be willing to leave Marin County or her house; she would want—expect—to go on exactly as she is, but with me instead of Charley as her husband.
In fact, she would get everything she’s gotten from Charley, but without Charley. He’s the only pant she doesn’t care for. She’d like to have me in his place. But everything else the same.
We wouldn’t have a combined life, a mutual life. I’d simply be fitted into a slot from which Charley got jerked out. I’d enter her life and occupy a certain area.
But, he thought, would it be so terrible a life?
The house was far more of a house than any he could hope to buy or build or rent on own by himself, with his limited wage-earning capacity. And she was certainly an exceptional person. She made a superb companion to a man; she swore, she climbed, she played games—she was willing to try anything. She had a real sense of adventure, of exploration.
One day they had gone together up to the oyster beds to buy a quart of fresh oysters. When she had seen the oyster boat, and the rakes, she had immediately wanted to go out and be with the men gathering the oysters; she asked what time the boat left—it was a barge, carrying two on three men, plus their equipment—and if she could go along. All of them, the Mexican oyster-opener, the tough-looking owner, and himself—they had all been impressed by this slim woman who had no compunction, no anxiety.