“Take off your clothes, oh sweetheart,” I panted.
Suddenly she embraced me tightly. I pulled her down upon the sofa, took one of her breasts in both hands, kissed it, licked it and sucked the little nipple. Then I took the other breast. The girl squirmed and groaned. I pulled out my member and let her touch it. She grasped it and squeezed so firmly that tears came to my eyes. Suddenly she buried her face in her hands and called out, “But I couldn't, Sir!”
I was unable to contain myself. I kneeled over her and tried to take off her skirt, but she resisted with all her power. I held her firmly and tried to lay down on top of her but she pressed both hands against the seat of her shame. Then I tore her blouse completely and uncovered her bosom fully. It was there … right in front of me, in all its unspoiled splendor. I laid my swollen member in between those youthful breasts, pushing them together with both hands. I groaned and panted and finally achieved some relief. But right away I became terribly ashamed of myself. I got up, put my member back in my trousers, turned around and went wordlessly into my darkened bedroom which was next to the dining room. Suddenly I felt myself embraced from behind, a cheek brushed past mine and warm and willing lips pressed upon my mouth.
“You poor, dear boy.”
Mechanically, I pulled her closer to me and rested my head against her shoulder. We just stood there and did not move. A few times she murmured, pity in her voice, “Poor boy.”
Then she rushed out, cleared the table and when she had finished she stuck her head around the bedroom door, whispering, “I'll bring you some fresh water in a minute.”
I switched on the light on my nightstand and waited. For what? I could not keep my thoughts straight. When I had waited too long, I started to undress and lay down upon the bed, smoking a cigarette, taking long, deep drags. A soft noise near the door jarred me out of my thoughts. I looked up. The girl tiptoed into the room holding a carafe with fresh water. She put it down on the table and looked in my direction. I noticed that she had made herself comfortable. She was without shoes and wore only a light dress.
“Make it dark,” she whispered.
When I did not move, because only looking at her would stir new passions, she walked over to the nightstand and turned the light off herself. My hand groped for the beauties of this young body. But I, wanted to look and see. I sat up and turned the light on again. She pushed her face into the pillow, turning onto her belly. I loosened her skirt bands and unbuttoned her top. Now she lay there next to me in all her naked glory. The freshness of her body made my head spin. She did not look like any of the girls I had ever seen.
I moved my face across those beautifully rounded and firm twin pillows. I kissed them. She whimpered, “I am so ashamed.” Her body was aglow. I tried to turn her around, but she absolutely refused. I tore the long nightgown off my body and moved and squirmed my nakedness all over her. The girl shuddered and whimpered with excitement but she kept her thighs tightly closed with all the force that was in her and I did not succeed in prying them apart. I became angry and asked her why on earth she had come to me in the first place, if all she wanted to do was to tantalize and tease me. She started to cry. I begged her to at least turn her beautiful breasts toward me. She turned her upper body just a little bit, but I grabbed her roughly and threw her on her back. I lunged upon her breasts, avidly kissing them, licking them. I licked her lips, licked her clenched teeth and sank down, completely exhausted.
Now she became nice and tender: she kissed me, took my greatly swollen, over-excited member in her hand, squeezed it gently, then she lay down on top of me and held her breasts against my lips. Now that I was exhausted, she was no longer afraid. And then she opened up her thighs. When she noticed that I did not even pay attention to it, she became more bold and guided my hand to her inner thighs. When she noticed that I had become moody, she grabbed for her blouse, put it on and then stepped into her skirt. Before she left, she kissed me and said, “Don't be mad at me, kind Sir, I cannot do anymore. If I were to get with child …”
I perked my ears. A child? It had never occurred to me that anybody with whom I had anything to do could ever get a child. And obviously, the females with whom I had consorted had never had that thought, either. It is possible that these women had nothing to be afraid of, and that the one who now was bending over me was an entirely different type, one who had to give and receive in an entirely different way. This thought made me very sentimental. I caressed her cheeks softly and kissed her almost reverently. And it seemed to make a greater impression upon her than my former abandon.
After a particularly long and passionate kiss, she stood up and stretched herself. She glanced down upon my nude body. She held her bosom and exclaimed, “God, how beautiful!” Hesitantly she sank down and brushed her lips across my chest, then planted a kiss between my thighs. Hastily she left the room.
I stayed awake for a long time. Being together with this girl, without having experienced any physical satisfaction excited me tremendously. I was contemplating whether I should sneak up to her room. No, her exclamation at the sight of my nude body was more than enough to indicate that she had seen such a thing for the first time, and her fear of getting pregnant was a sure sign that she had not yet surrendered to any man. I was slowly getting mad at myself. I had terribly insulted this innocent virgin! All the tenderness that was within me welled up and I wanted to caress her and beg her forgiveness. I even believe that my eyes got moist.
I finally fell asleep, of course, without turning off the electric light. I fortunately woke up in the morning before Old Joseph had come in to bring me my clothes and shoes, because otherwise he would have seen me stark naked lying on top of my blanket.
At first I thought I had dreamed, but slowly everything that had gone on the previous night became clear to me. And when I had realized fully that it was not a dream, a tender feeling came over me which I had never known before. If the girl had walked in at that moment, I would have embraced her and kissed her like one makes love only to his beloved. But she did not walk in, and even during the time that I was in the house, I could not as much as catch a glimpse of her.
To have a reason to be late for supper, I made an absolutely unnecessary visit to my uncle and I phoned the old housekeeper that I would not be home till around nine o'clock. I was hoping, of course, that she would go to bed without waiting for me to come home. I did not have the slightest intention of taking advantage of the girl. All I wanted to do was just sit there with the girl, talk to her and tell her that I loved her and that she should love me, and also, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted that most of all.
I have never, before or since, experienced a night like that. But I have often longed for one. I still have that longing.
When I walked into the room, Old Joseph was just about to leave. My eyes darted around … the girl was not there! I quickly said goodnight to the old man.
She was in the dining room, setting the table. Without looking around at me she greeted me. I walked over to her, grabbed her hand and pulled her toward me. I kissed her. She blushed deep red, pulled away and left for the kitchen to get my dinner. After serving me, she wanted to leave again without having said a word to me. I held her back. I pleaded with her not to be angry with me and I promised her that I would never again be as brutal to her as I had been … never, never, never. And please, now, sit down and talk to me. But she said, “You are absolutely right. A person who has behaved herself the way I behaved myself toward you, does not even deserve to be looked at.” And she tenderly took my head in her hands, kissed me quickly and walked out of the room.