Happiness for Martin Seaman was fucking Elvira between the titties and coming all over her face. At first he had wanted to cry when he first saw Elvira's titties-shit, they were no bigger than thimbles. But instead of giving all those on the house drinks down at the Buckaroo, he had charged the shit-kickers double. And he had had more than enough dough to send Elvira out to Hollywood to have her tits remade by the same surgeon that had worked on Racquel and Virna and Marilyn and.. and countless other false titted girls with false names.
Happiness for Jason Moresby was the fact that he had been elected the first new mayor of Weedville since the winter of '46. God, he was even thinking of running for state congressman until Evira waved those scandal-ridden photos of him and Connie in his face. Shit, Jason knew that there were at least eight other Weedvillians who were keeping her pussy happy shit, what a greedy, cock-hungry bitch.
Happiness for Eddie Beasly was fucking Marsha Moresby in the ass, in the cunt, between the tits, behind the ears, in the mouth, anywhere that Marsha moaned for his cock.
Happiness for Delbert Farley, the new sheriff, was finding that his balls were all right and clearing up all those murders that had shocked the shit out of the God-fearing citizens of Weedville. Knowing that he had had to do something, Delbert had, for the official record, decided that the deaths of Lucas Trimble and Vance Manning was a double suicide.
When Weedvillians were dubious about that one, Delbert had proved his theory to be correct. He had gone out and dug up Boris Jerkovich's body, pinning the murder of the literally dirty old man on Vance and Lucas, who were in cahoots together.
Delbert's voice had quavered when he had to ashamedly admit to the town's people that "You see old Lucas and Vance were gonna take over this town. But old Jerky here had overheard their plans. So they had to kill him. Since it was the first time they had committed a mortal sin, they were feeling real bad about it and they decided to sit dawn, aim at each other's heads and pull the triggers at the same time."
To which the majority of the wiser heads of Weedville said "Oh."