“Furthermore,” I continued, keeping both men under scrutiny. “Star Force will surrender Andros Island, our base on planet Earth. We will lay down our arms and obey Macro Command. End transmission.”
“You can’t do this, sir!” Captain Miklos hissed at me.
I lowered my arms. The moment my laser guns weren’t aimed into their faces, the gunner brought up his weapon again.
“I won’t let you surrender this ship, sir,” the gunner told me, shaking with emotion. “I didn’t join Star Force to serve the machines again. I understand you made that deal the first time without knowing the full consequences. But we can’t lie down and do it all over again.”
I tried futilely to shush him. He didn’t calm down.
“He is your superior officer,” Captain Miklos said.
“He can’t just unilaterally consign our entire species to slavery,” the gunner answered. “My entire family was killed by Macros. I won’t serve them.”
I looked from one man to the next, then glanced to the helmsman. He was still praying.
“Ensign,” I said, addressing the gunner. “I like you. If we live long enough to return to Earth, I’m going to give you a promotion. Possibly, a command of your own. Captain, I’m impressed with you and your crew. Even your helmsman, because at least he’s still manning his post and following orders.”
They all looked confused. “Is this some kind of joke, sir?” Miklos asked.
“In a way, yes. But we won’t know who has the last laugh for another two minutes.”
They gave me blank looks, so I pointed to the chronometer. The next Macro reply was due in very soon.
Not knowing what to say, the men returned to their stations. Miklos looked like his cat had just died, while the gunner glared at me off and on. I didn’t care. I was beyond caring. It was all up to the Macros now. Would they accept my terms or not?
It was a very long two minutes. Finally, the response came in.
“Terms accepted.”
I whooped and laughed. I clapped my armored hands together, and the metal made a booming report in the enclosed space. The other men winced.
“I don’t understand what there is to be happy about, Colonel,” Miklos said.
I grinned at him. “Macro Command,” I shouted, unable to contain my exuberance, “Star Force has changed its mind. Star Force has gone rogue. Star Force is entirely contained on the land mass known as Andros Island, plus a few Fleet elements in space such as this ship. Riggs out. Barbarossa, send that and close the channel.”
If I’d thought the crew were surprised before, now they were positively baffled. Even the helmsman’s eyes were open again. He stared at me with the wary certainty of a one who knows he’s looking at a madman.
“Colonel Riggs?” the gunner asked me. “So that’s it? All of this was a big joke? Just to have some fun with the Macros?”
“Reason it through, ensign,” I said.
Captain Miklos nodded slowly, thinking it over. But the helmsman, who’d kept quiet up until now, spoke first.
“I get it,” he said. “When the Macros agreed to your terms, they agreed to classify all of Earth as peaceful. When you said Star Force has broken the deal, only we became possible hostiles.”
“Correct,” I said. “We entered into an agreement with them. They marked all humanity as peaceful slaves in their database somewhere. The next moment Star Force went rogue—”
“Which means when they get to Earth,” Captain Miklos said, a new light dawning in his eyes, “they will only attack Star Force.”
“You tricked them?” the gunner asked incredulously.
“Sort of,” I said. “I’d call it a work-around. Like getting a computer to delete a file it doesn’t want to by doing it in a manner that isn’t blocked. The machine doesn’t become angry, or feel tricked. All I did was talk them into classifying all Earth as peaceful. Once they accepted that, I reassigned this ship and all of Star Force as hostile. In a way, I reprogrammed the Macros.”
“But won’t they simply ignore everything we’ve said?”
I shook my head. “I’ve dealt with them before. Using a similar trick, I managed to get them to leave the annihilation of China to Star Force. Remember that? To work with them, you have to think like a hacker. These shenanigans would never work with a human being. But the Macros don’t get emotional about it the way we do.”
“Do you think they’ll learn to stop falling for such deceptions someday?” Miklos asked me.
“Possibly, but I don’t care right now, I—”
“Sirs,” the helmsman broke in. “We’ve got missiles incoming. The Macros have fired upon us.”
“There, you see?” I asked them. “They made a follow-up decision I should have seen coming. Well, don’t look so pale, the missiles are about fifty million miles off. They won’t get to us for a long time. Barbarossa, attention.”
“Ready.”
“Reverse course. Take us back to Earth at flank speed. Hold on, everyone.”
Skinny black arms spit up out of the floor and grabbed us, acting as emergency harnesses. The ship heaved under our feet. The engines on this ship were very powerful, and even with stabilizers, we felt at least three Gs of force tossing us about as the ship flipped over and applied all the thrust she had.
“Course laid,” said the ship.
“Barbarossa,” Captain Miklos said, picking himself up off the deck and crawling into his command chair, “remove Colonel Riggs from the command personnel list unless I’m incapacitated.”
“Options set.”
I nodded to him, deciding it wasn’t worth arguing about. I had boarded this vessel with the understanding I was visiting brass, not the operational commander. I’d taken liberties. Lots of them.
“I’m sorry, Colonel Riggs,” he said.
He didn’t look very sorry. I nodded and smiled.
“I understand,” I said. “This is your ship…just one more thing.”
“What’s that, Colonel?”
“Have you got any beer?”
-16-
The ride home was relatively uneventful. The crew didn’t seem to think so, however. I could tell they were green. They’d never had a swarm of sixteen semi-intelligent nuclear missiles trailing them and getting closer every minute. That sort of thing took some getting used to.
There wasn’t anything to worry about, really. Even with the about-face and a long glide back to Earth—which was orbiting away from our position, making us chase after her—the math was in our favor.
“Stop worrying, Miklos,” I said, “we’ll be back at least an hour before the missiles slam into the ship.”
“But we have to slow down to get home, and they keep accelerating,” he said, tapping nervously at a spreadsheet on his tablet. “The kinetic energy alone, even discounting the warheads….”
“All right, I’ll talk to Crow about it.”
It took me a few minutes to get the good admiral on the com-link. Just thinking about talking to Crow made my three-beer buzz transform into an instant headache. I’d been in a celebratory mood. I’d managed to talk the Macros into targeting Star Force alone. It’d been such a coup I wanted to savor it. Now, as the disk of Earth grew huge on the forward wall of the bridge, I realized it was time to get back to work.
“So,” Crow said, his voice replicated by the vibrating of the countless nanites that made up the walls of the bridge, “still alive, but running home to hide behind papa is that it? We’ve been watching your efforts at talking the Macros into a good mood. How’d that work out for you then, mate?”
“Just fine,” I said expansively. “I talked them out of destroying our planet.”