One cool morning Claire sat on her jacket at the edge of a beautiful clearing and watched a magnificent wildlife performance. First she saw deer run across the open field. With each jump their white tails caught the sun like bright white powder puffs. The longer she sat the more deer she saw. They would slowly approach the clearing, run across, and slow again once in the safety of the trees. There was no threat to them at that time, but instinct told them that the trees held security. Claire wondered where her security was. Or perhaps this was a lesson in instinct?
Claire contemplated talking to Catherine about packing a lunch so that she could stay out in the woods longer. Then she decided that might be something to do when Tony was out of town. She didn’t want to get lost and not be back to the suite by 5:00 p.m. She hated his rules, but following them made her life more pleasant.
On days Tony stayed home exploring wasn’t an option. He required her to stay near in the event her services were needed. She was often told to stay in his office, where she would read, sitting on the soft leather sofa until he summoned her. There were days when he never requested her services, yet she wasted the entire day in his office. Claire knew it was more of the continued power play. He controlled her time, her body, and her life.
To continue her busy days, after lunch Claire sunbathed by the pool or read on the sunporch. She also had the library that could captivate her for hours at a time. If it rained she might opt for a movie in the theater. There were so many things to do.
The addition of an occasional evening out with Tony was the biggest change to Claire’s busy schedule. It started with the symphony. Since that time she accompanied him to a few other events. None as formal as the symphony, and all charity related, different foundations having dinners or cocktail parties or benefits. Each time Tony would tell Catherine that Claire needed to be ready for a specific event. She liked getting out away from the estate, but an invitation instead of a mandate would be nice. Apparently, companionship to events had now been added to her job description. Claire believed she did well at each turn and felt confident as long as Tony was near her. He would handle any situation that came her way.
At an event to honor donors of the University of Iowa’s Children’s Hospital, Claire stood dutifully at Anthony’s side while he spoke with a gentleman, to whom she’d been introduced. Another man began to speak to her. It started innocently enough, “Hello, Ms. Nichols, I am not sure if you remember me? We met a few weeks ago at the Quad City Symphony.” His volume was low, to either lure her away from Tony or not be heard by him. Claire believed she remembered him. She tried to remember names as well as Tony but she could only recall his face. He then introduced himself, “Charles Jackson,” and made small talk about the symphony. He started asking her about her place of residence, did she live in the Quad City region? Chicago? What brought her to this area? The entire time Claire stayed steady to Tony. She didn’t want to interrupt Tony’s conversation, but her instincts told her this wasn’t good. She successfully avoided direct answers but he persisted beyond political correctness. She decided she needed to get Tony involved before this man dragged something out of her she didn’t want to divulge. She lightly placed her hand on Tony’s arm. At first, he didn’t respond, so she squeezed it a little. When he excused himself from his conversation, he turned to Claire. She hated that she interrupted him, but she wore her mask and politely motioned toward the gentleman.
“Anthony, this is Charles Jackson.” Anthony turned to Charles and shook his hand. Charles appeared uncomfortable, but not Tony. “Mr. Jackson has been incredibly inquisitive. I thought you might be able to be of assistance to him.”
Claire stood back a half a step, still holding Anthony’s arm, and turned back to Mr. Jackson, who looked increasingly pale. “Mr. Jackson, I am very good with names and faces. I remember seeing you at the symphony. I do not believe we were introduced. It is not my practice to converse with members of the press. It is my policy to allow my publicist to discuss such matters. I recommend that you speak to her, not my companion.”
Anthony’s voice was one Claire recognized immediately, not his chatty social voice. Mr. Jackson didn’t have any difficulty distinguishing the tone or the meaning. He apologized profusely to Anthony and then to Claire and made his way out of the event. Claire felt ill. She honestly didn’t know how she would have handled it without his help. Tony placed his hand on top of Claire’s as Mr. Jackson walked away.
“Tony, I am sorry I interrupted your conversation. I just felt uncomfortable.”
Leaning down to her ear and squeezing her hand, he whispered, “It is fine. You made the right decision.” She exhaled with relief.
Her current job passed its third-month anniversary. She still felt trapped and hated that she was there, but she didn’t hate every day. She thought of each day as a new possibility, and like everyone else in the world, some days were better than others. She knew the difference with her life was that her barometer was not her. It summed up her dependence on Anthony Rawlings. The tone of her life depended totally and completely upon his frame of mind.
He traveled a few days a week every couple of weeks. While she was secluded to her suite, he’d been in Europe, which apparently happened with some regularity. These momentary freedoms upset her. Instead of relishing them, she felt lonely. There would be some evenings that he had business obligations and wouldn’t dine with her or even come to her suite. Some of his ideas for her job requirements didn’t settle well, but she came to prefer that to being alone.
June came and went. Since Claire chose to not watch television, she didn’t know that the entire country was enduring a heat wave. She just knew that the outside air was heavy and within minutes could feel the perspiration dripping between her breasts and down her back. If a breeze blew it felt sticky and oppressive, not refreshing. Even being at the pool was uncomfortable unless early or late.
One evening, Catherine told Claire that Mr. Rawlings wouldn’t be home until late. Claire didn’t like vague terms like late. Normally she would wait in her suite to see if he came to her, but the day was scorching and she knew late could mean not at all. With the sunset, she decided to take a swim.
Walking to the pool Claire realized that she rarely ventured out of her suite at night. The house seemed eerily quiet, like a museum after closing. The staff was mostly retired to their rooms and the lights were low. Her flip-flops echoed as she stepped onto the marble floor at the base of the staircase. After four months, Claire didn’t need lights, she knew her way through the arches and into the sitting room. She paused at the windows and looked out to the pool. The water changed from pink to green to yellow to purple to blue to clear and back to pink. The deck lights were off, creating the illusion of a colorful abyss surrounded by complete darkness. She considered turning on the deck lights and decided against it.
Stepping into the summer night the air sat heavy and still. The contrast from the air conditioning reminded her why she stayed indoors all day. Looking toward heaven she knew she made the right decision about the lights. The velvety sky glistened with a million stars. The water enveloped her body as she walked down the steps, its temperature barely varied from the air and she quickly submerged herself. After swimming a few laps she floated on her back, watching the sky and thinking about constellations. Suddenly, Claire froze.
Deep in thought and enjoying the stars, she realized Tony stood at the edge of the pool. He’d been speaking, but her ears were submerged and she couldn’t hear him. Seeing his silhouette from the lights of the fountain startled her. She lifted her head out of the water to clear her ears and began to tread water.