Sitting at the table surrounded by her packages, sipping her café mocha, Claire’s mind wandered. Her life seemed to have taken a turn. The last few weeks were much better than months earlier, so much better than she could have predicted. She had talked with Emily, if only for a few minutes. She thought about the rules: the speaker phone, limitations, and the briefness of the call. It took a magnitude of compartmentalization to concentrate on the affirmative aspect of the conversation. Nonetheless, she spoke with her sister and that made her happy. Then there was the barbeque, minus the unfortunate misunderstanding, which was a success. Tony introduced her to his friends and they were nice to her. The date with Tony the night before was romantic: dinner, walking, the play, and the activities until they fell asleep. Now she was sitting in Chicago, a destination she loved.
Smiling, she sipped her café mocha and thought about him. She hated him one day, then allowed her hair to change colors because he requested it. The more she thought about it, maybe allow wasn’t the appropriate word. Really, did she have an option? How could he hurt her one day and then make her feel so fulfilled the next? Her internal debate continued.
As she thought of him, feelings of lust pushed away the old feelings of fear. Remembering the sensation of his touch, the sound of his voice, and the taste of his skin, she wanted to believe this was a significant improvement. She wondered how she could be having these feelings, how she could enjoy his presence, and even look forward to being with him. She had read about Stockholm syndrome, maybe that was it. She knew it didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t deny the way she was beginning to feel. Preoccupied in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the woman approaching until she stood directly above her. “Claire, Claire Nichols is that really you?”
Claire looked up in disbelief, realizing that someone actually addressed her. She recognized Meredith Banks, a sorority sister from Valparaiso. It made sense, Valparaiso was nearby.
“Hello, Meredith, how are you?” Her voice reflected her genuine excitement and surprise at seeing someone from her past. They had roamed these streets together in another life.
“Gosh, I am great. How are you? You look amazing. I haven’t heard from you in ages!” Meredith looked at the other chair. “Do you mind if I join you for a few minutes?”
Apprehensively Claire looked at her watch. She needed to be upstairs by six, it was five forty. She considered appearances. It would be rude to not allow her to sit. Claire motioned with her hand. “Yes, please do.”
The two ladies talked about what brought them to Chicago. Meredith noted, looking at the booty surrounding Claire’s chair, she was obviously doing some shopping. She even noted that it was higher-end shopping than they did in college. Claire laughed it off, saying that even these stores had great deals. She couldn’t help think about Bonnie who had gauged the value of her clothing, wondering if Meredith was doing the same. Meredith asked if she saw any shows while in town. Claire told her she saw “Wicked” and enjoyed it very much. Did Claire remember the fun shows they used to watch and the concerts? Meredith mentioned she was in town for work. Where was Claire working? She seemed to know that Claire had been in Atlanta. Claire wondered if they had spoken while she was there, they must have. Meredith lived out west these days, in California. Did Claire ever make it out that way? Where was she living?
Claire did her best to be evasive yet friendly. This was her sorority sister being friendly, not some paparazzi. Finally, Meredith started talking about her husband. She married Jerry from the fraternity and their group. Did Claire know that? No, she didn’t. How long had they been married? And Anne and Shaun were engaged! If Claire would give Meredith her address, she was sure that Anne would want to invite her. Meredith wondered if Claire was married. Was she seeing anyone? Hadn’t she heard rumors?
That word sounded an alarm to Claire. Rumor. Wasn’t that the word Tony used to describe her, a rumor? Claire laughed again. “Oh, Meredith, didn’t we learn years ago you should never trust rumors.”
Checking her watch again, it was five till six. “It was great seeing you, but I really need to go. We should catch up sometime.” Claire tried to not be rude, but she didn’t want to talk any longer. She went directly to the security counter, where the guard recognized her and helped her with her bags as they went to the residential elevators.
By eight o’clock, Claire sat in Tony’s jet by herself, flying back to Iowa. Eric copiloted, she had the entire cabin to herself. She tried not to think about her conversation with Meredith. She decided compartmentalization was best, she would think about it another time. She decided to think about Thursday and Friday with Tony out of town. Smiling, she told herself, I’m going to my lake!
Experience: is the most brutal of teachers.
Butyoulearn,mygod,doyoulearn. —C. S. Lewis
Chapter 19
Claire woke Thursday morning to the unfamiliar sound of rain. With the dryness of the summer, she questioned the pitter-patter at first. But as her mind cleared, the noise made sense. Going directly to the window, she saw droplets on the window, gray clouds and puddles on the ground below. She was so excited about the lake but didn’t want to walk five miles each direction in the rain and mud. The disappointment overwhelmed her. How could it rain on the one day she wanted sun? With Tony gone, the day dragged on endlessly.
Friday morning, she lay in bed and listened for the sound of rain. Straining her ears, she only heard silence. Tentatively looking out the window, Claire beheld the crystal clear blue sky. It was as though the rain washed the dust and dryness of the summer away. Everything looked fresh and clean. The bright early morning sunshine glistened on the moist leaves.
Wearing her robe, she went out onto the balcony and immediately realized the drop in temperature. Shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself and gazed out over the polychromatic woods. The crisp autumn fragrance penetrated deep into her lungs. It would be muddy, but she didn’t care. She would wear an older pair of shoes and make her way to her lake.
Getting ready that morning, her reflection caught her by surprise. The new lighter hair made her skin tone lighter and her eyes appear deeper green. It wasn’t as if she suddenly looked like Marilyn Monroe, but her reflection looked more blonde than ever before. Claire wasn’t sure what she thought of her new look, but she did know that Tony wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. So she pulled it back in a ponytail.
While dressing, Claire realized she didn’t own anything old as in old shoes. Everything was new or at least looked new. The clothes that had been in her closet almost six months ago were gone, now too large. Whether she shopped or not, her wardrobe never waned. Currently, sweaters and jackets multiplied while she slept. Luckily, her feet weren’t changing size, so the hiking boots she requested months ago were waiting and ready. She decided she would just clean them when she got home.
Catherine didn’t approve of Claire’s plan. The ground would be muddy and slippery. What if she fell and twisted something? Claire promised she would be safe. She told Catherine it had been so long since she hiked in the woods. She wanted to stay out as long as possible. Claire said she would return, she simply didn’t know when. Catherine promised dinner upon her arrival, no matter how late. She also provided Claire with a packed lunch complete with water bottles and a thermos of warm coffee. It was after ten when she left the backyard.
It had been almost a month but Claire knew each turn to find her lake. At almost noon she reached her destination. The shore looked exactly like she remembered, except now the trees surrounding the lake were multicolored with rich vibrant reds, yellows, and oranges. Green was definitely the minority. Certain varieties of deciduous trees were completely bare. She suddenly wondered what made some trees lose their leaves earlier than others. She had some research to do.