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Have a culminative look at just one snippet from Ippolit’s famous “Necessary Explanation” in The Idiot:

“Anyone who attacks individual charity,” I began, “attacks human nature and casts contempt on personal dignity. But the organization of ‘public charity’ and the problem of individual freedom are two distinct questions, and not mutually exclusive. Individual kindness will always remain, because it is an individual impulse, the living impulse of one personality to exert a direct influence upon another…. How can you tell, Bahmutov, what significance such an association of one personality with another may have on the destiny of those associated?”

Can you imagine any of our own major novelists allowing a character to say stuff like this (not, mind you, just as hypocritical bombast so that some ironic hero can stick a pin in it, but as part of a ten-page monologue by somebody trying to decide whether to commit suicide)? The reason you can’t is the reason he wouldn’t: such a novelist would be, by our lights, pretentious and overwrought and silly. The straight presentation of such a speech in a Serious Novel today would provoke not outrage or invective, but worse — one raised eyebrow and a very cool smile. Maybe, if the novelist was really major, a dry bit of mockery in The New Yorker. The novelist would be (and this is our own age’s truest vision of hell) laughed out of town.

So he — we, fiction writers — won’t (can’t) dare try to use serious art to advance ideologies. 31 The project would be like Menard’s Quixote. People would either laugh or be embarrassed for us. Given this (and it is a given), who is to blame for the unseriousness of our serious fiction? The culture, the laughers? But they wouldn’t (could not) laugh if a piece of morally passionate, passionately moral fiction was also ingenious and radiantly human fiction. But how to make it that? How — for a writer today, even a talented writer today — to get up the guts to even try? There are no formulas or guarantees. There are, however, models. Frank’s books make one of them concrete and alive and terribly instructive.

1996

Personal Acknowledgments

The following people deserve special thanks for their help with the foregoing: Marian Berelowitz, Karen Carlson, Mimi Bailey Davis, Susanna Einstein, Jonathan Franzen, Steven Geller, Karen L. Green, Colin Harrison, Ben Healy, Glenn Kenny, Ron Lindblom, Joel Lovell, Martin Maehr, David Malley, Bessmarie Moll, Marie Mundaca, Cullen Murphy, Michael Pietsch, Ellen Rosenbush, Lee Smith, Martha Spaulding, Harry Thomas, Monona S. Thompson, Bill Tonelli, Betsy Uhrig, James D. Wallace, Sally F. Wallace, Evan Wright, Zainab Zakari, and Jocelyn Zuckerman.

Notes

1 One porn production company, Caballero Home Video, has its headquarters in a big Van Nuys duplex whose other half is the soundstage for Beverly Hills 90210. (back to text)

2 The passive mood here’s a bit disingenuous — the release itself is announcing them. (back to text)

3 At, say, an average of 90 minutes per movie, this means that some person or persons put in 1.4 years of nonstop continuous porn-viewing. Hence your correspondents’ alternative for US males so tortured by carnal desire that they are tempted to autoneuter: Volunteer as a judge for the AVN Awards and spend 1.4 years gazing without rest at the latest in adult video. We guarantee that you will never thereafter want to see, hear, engage in, or even think about human sexuality ever again. Trust us on this. All five marginal (and male) print journalists assigned to cover the 1998 AVN Awards concur: Even just watching the dozen or so “big” or “high-profile” adult releases of the past year — Bad Wives, Zazel, A Week and a Half in the Life of a Prostitute, Miscreants, New Wave Hookers 5, Seduce & Destroy, Buttman in Barcelona, Gluteus to the Maximus — fried everyone’s glandular circuit-board. By the end of the Awards weekend, none of us were even having normal biological first-thing-in-the-morning or jouncy-bus-ride-between-hotels erections; and when approached even innocently by members of the opposite sex, we all now recoiled as from a hot flame (which made our party a kind of strange and challenging breakfast gig, according to our Sunday-AM waitress). (back to text)

4 (Mr. Peter North, in particular, delivers what seem more like mortar rounds than bioemissions.) (back to text)

5 Yes: “Software” is a funny misnomer here. It’s going to be a constant temptation to keep winking and nudging and saying “no pun intended” or “as it were” after every possible off-color entendre, of which there are so many at the AAVNAs that yr. corresps. have decided to try to leave most of them to the reader’s discretion as matters of personal choice and taste. (back to text)

6 St. Croix’s background is that he apprenticed as a mason but then couldn’t get union work. He’s got great dark satanic-looking eyebrows and has won several AVN Awards. (back to text)

7 (meaning both men habitually wear fedoras) (back to text)

8 Dick Filth reports that a couple years ago the big industry trend was Heavy Metal and that everyone at the Adult CES had very long hair and wore black tanktops and iron crosses, etc. (back to text)

9 Vivid is one of the industry’s great powers, a company famous for having billboards that sometimes cause traffic accidents in downtown LA. (back to text)

10 Here, if you’re interested, is D. Filth’s out-loud on-site peripatetic expansion re the camaraderie between XPlor and South Park: XPlor is a kind of an anomaly type of thing in the porn business. By and large the industry is still run by these dim grim cigar-smoking numbnutses who’ll just stare blankly at you if you should ever even like attempt a bonmot [pronounced as one consonant-intensive word] or whatnot. You get me? In contrast to how XPlor are more of your hippieish dope-smoking bunch of Gen Xers who are always up for a good gag. Like, after Trey [Parker, the Groening-type figure behind South Park] and Farrel [Timlake] became pals [via Parker’s hanging out at XPlor to do research for his and Matt (Stone, Parker’s partner on South Park)’s Orgazmo, an upcoming movie about which your correspondents know nothing], XPlor was doing a video shoot at Buck Henry’s place [?!? Explanatory details unavailable — everyone simply acts as though Buck Henry’s place being available for hard-core porn shoots were a matter of wide and public knowledge]. Richard Dreyfuss and I think Carrie Fisher also were at the shoot [?!? But no kidding, according to Filth, who yr. corresps. rather hope has a good attorney], and, as a goof, Trey and Farrel decide to switch identities, get it? So Trey pretends to direct, doing it in like big drama-queen persona — “I want more ASS shots, goddammit!” type of thing — while Farrel hung back and pretended to take notes. Get it? Then later at one point Trey orders Farrel, as Trey, to perform — because, oh, Farrel performs sometimes too, under the name Tim Lake, Tim Lake, get it? — and Farrel does, did, puts down the notebook and phone and dis, like, robes and dives right in, which you can understand this completely freaks out the assembled legit showbiz types [!?], like, they’re like “I can’t believe the guy from South Park is having sex in front of a camera!” Then at one point Trey gives the video rig to Carrie Fisher [?!] and tells her to try and do the close-ups as they’re getting close to money [see below for defs. of industry jargon]. Get me? What a couple of yucks. [End of expansion.] (back to text)