“Okay!” Joel shouted back. “Charlotte, did you tie the bags in properly on the roof-rack?”
Michael turned to look at Charlotte; sitting in the back playing with her dark hair — twiddling her ponytail between her fingers — something she often did when she was nervous. He turned back to Joel. “You seen the way her pony-tail is tied back?”
“What’s wrong with my hair?” asked Charlotte.
Michael turned back to her, “Nothing, it looks lovely. I’m just saying he may want to give the knots a quick check before we set off. Be a shame to get to the site only to find everything has fallen off back where we set off.”
“They’ll be fine,” said Charlotte as she continued playing with her ponytail. Joel gave her a quick glance in the rear-view mirror. Seconds later he jumped from the driver’s seat to give the ropes a quick check. “Jesus Christ, I do know how to fasten things to roof racks properly!”
Michael laughed and gave Charlotte a big, cheesy grin.
“I’ve got a question,” asked Dan — sitting in between them. “Are you two finally going to fuck and get it out of your system on this break, or what?”
“Me and her?” said Michael. “She wishes…”
“Uh huh… okay then, lover-boy,” said Dan with a grin on his face. He knew the constant bullying, from Michael to Charlotte, was nothing more than a playground mentality. He knew because it was exactly what he used to do with Hayley. In the end though Hayley was too slow to notice any kind of signal from Dan so he had resorted to plying her with wine until she was bordering on unconsciousness for their first kiss… and more.
“Oh my God!” said Charlotte. She tried to hide her reddening face behind her hair. Unlike Hayley she wasn’t too slow to notice any signals. She just wasn’t used to receiving them in such a way and so, most of the time, they went over her head. A late starter in the romance department thanks to attending an all girls’ school until the age of eighteen.
“All good!” said Joel as he jumped into the driver’s seat. “Ready or not… Here we go!”
A cheer from Dan and Hayley. Lara was still sulking about having to share a van with Joel. Michael was staying silent hoping his denial of fancying Charlotte was enough to kill the conversation for the rest of the trip. Charlotte was wondering what she had let herself in for by agreeing to come on this trip in the first place.
The plan was simple. Drive through the early hours of the morning when traffic would be minimal and get to the campsite in time for a morning fry-up. The van reached the end of the road, the indicator flashing to all those nearby that they were about to turn left to head off towards the countryside.
Dan piped up from his seat, “Dude, I need to take a piss.”
CHAPTER TWO
‘In 200 yards, turn left’ chirped the female voice on the satellite navigation system, which had been suckered onto the middle of the van’s windscreen.
“Do we have to listen to that the whole way?” whined Michael — already irritated by the female’s robotic voice, despite only being on the road for five minutes.
“Well that is the whole point of sat navs; turn them on, when you’re ready to leave, put in the destination and — hey presto — follow the instructions until you arrive safely,” said Joel without even taking his eyes off the road.
There was a pause before Michael suddenly burst out with, “Yeah — fuck that.” Before Joel had a chance to realise what Michael was doing, he pulled the sat nav system off the window, switched it off, and threw it in the back of the van, “Head’s up back there!”
“Whoa! What are you doing! I need that!” moaned Joel.
“No, you don’t. You’ve got something better than a crappy little satellite navigation… You’ve got me. I know the way.” said Michael — an air of arrogance in his voice.
“Yeah, thanks but I’d rather have…”
Michael cut him off mid-sentence, “You realise those little machines… They take you miles out of your way.”
“Sorry but I have to call bullshit on that one,” Dan chipped in from the seat behind Michael’s. “You can program them in so they take you the most direct route.”
“Big companies… You know… The real big boys… Like McDonalds… KFC… even the main supermarket chains… They’re in with the people who make those little boxes.”
“What?!” Joel said.
“They pay them a substantial amount of money, I’m not sure whether it’s yearly or monthly or… whatever… They pay them a fuck load of money to ensure we, the drivers using the maps, are forced to drive past the various companies… All it takes is ten percent of us drivers to stop off and make a purchase… That’s a lot of money thanks to a forced route.”
“Really?” asked Hayley.
“No. Not really,” said Dan, “that’s complete shit.”
Joel called out to the back, “Can someone please just pass it back through?” he turned to Michael, “Can you put it back on the windscreen, please?”
“No!” barked Michael. He addressed the back of the van, “I swear, you pass that through, I’ll throw it out of the window.” He turned back to Joel who was still driving, “You just missed your turning.”
Joel was visibly getting stressed, “This is ridiculous.”
“Come on, trust me, I know a short cut. Turn right just up here, you can get back on route.”
“Fine but you’re paying the extra fuel money if we get lost.”
“We won’t get lost. Trust me.”
Joel was sitting in the driver’s seat still. The early morning sun illuminating his face — showing his irritation clearly to all those who glanced at him. Once comfortable, now he wanted nothing more than to swap with someone else so he could relax and de-stress from the journey already traveled — not that he’d swap with anyone else… Not whilst they were in his VW camper van. No one got to drive other than him. He was looking out of the window, staring towards a petrol station they had stumbled across — the only building they had seen for what felt like hours. A building that they were all surprised to see was open for business when they pulled up outside. On first impressions it looked as though it was derelict — ready for demolition. The back half of the building, visible as you drove up to the property, already looked as though it had been partly demolished.
“Just relax,” said Hayley, “it’s all part of the fun. And, on the bright side, we’re getting to see lots of new places.”
“I don’t want to see lots of new places,” hissed a clearly stressed Joel, “I want to see the campsite. I want to see the campsite. I want to see a nice pint of cider. I even want to see a warm sleeping bag… A comfortable pillow…”
“And I wanted a real man… I guess we can’t have everything we want, hey?” snapped Lara. Unlike Joel, she wasn’t stressed from the journey. She was already stressed simply from being in the same vehicle as Joel.
“Fuck off,” said Joel.
A bell, above the petrol station’s door, chimed — alerting everyone in the van that the door had been opened. Joel turned his attention back to the station’s entrance and watched as Michael stepped out, back into the fading daylight; a sheepish look on his face.
He crossed the forecourt and jumped into the front of the van, back onto the passenger seat, next to where Joel was sitting — and fuming.
“Well?” barked Joel.
“The funniest thing…” said Michael. He tried his best not to laugh, sensing Joel’s annoyance.
“How far?”
“Did you want that in miles or kilometers?”
“Cut the shit, Mike, how far out of the way have you taken us?”