BOBBY’S FATHER That right?
BOBBY — you go in and the day you get out. I did the day they transferred me from the hospital ward and the day you picked me up in a stolen car with a hooker in the backseat.
BOBBY’S FATHER And a bottle of Beam, don’t forget.
BOBBY And a bottle of Beam, thank you.
BOBBY’S FATHER And some coke. That too.
BOBBY That too.
BOBBY’S FATHER So how’s the memory?
[BOBBY laughs.]
BOBBY’S FATHER What?
BOBBY “How’s the memory.” I took two bullets to the head, old man.
BOBBY’S FATHER I thought one glanced off.
BOBBY Two bullets hit your fucking head, you don’t get hung up on specifics.
BOBBY’S FATHER That how it works?
GINA and WILL stare at each other. Gina’s husband, HAL, approaches with a pitcher of beer in one hand, three shots in the other, and three beer glasses dangling from his fingers.
GINA [Eyes still on WILL.]
Hi, honey.
HAL Little help?
[WILL helps him place the pitcher and glasses on the table.]
WILL There you go, boss.
HAL Mighty white of you, I must say. Many times as I’ve been in here, you’d think I’d have some suck with the bartenders. Nope. I wait like everyone else.
GINA Lost in a sea of the great unwashed. Poor baby.
[HAL sits beside her, begins pouring beers.]
HAL It’s a trial. Lucky I’m such a sweetheart. So you took care of that Coronado thing?
WILL Wrapped it up this morning. Came back as soon as humanly possible.
HAL Now there’s a sense of industry. I’ll drink to that.
[HAL and GINA and WILL throw back their shots.]
HAL I always told you, honey. Didn’t I always say?
GINA You always said.
HAL In-dustrious. You okay?
GINA Fine.
HAL Sure?
GINA Really. Yeah. Just tired.
HAL Oh, I heard a good one today.
[GINA lights a cigarette.]
HAL Do you have to?
GINA Do you?
HAL Fair enough. You smoke your cancer stick, I’ll tell my joke. It’s just I love her so much, you know, boy?
WILL So the joke?
HAL Oh, right. I heard this from Frank. You know Frank, right?
WILL Frank in Shipping?
HAL No. That’s Frank Stebson. I’m talking about Frank in Accounts Receivable.
WILL No. I don’t know him.
HAL Frank. Frank. You know the guy. Frank Corso. Big whale. Works in Accounts Receivable.
WILL No.
HAL Sure you do. Always doing Saturday Night Live routines on Monday morning? Wears ties that play music? Frank. Funny as shit. He—
GINA Doesn’t seem he knows the man.
HAL You don’t?
WILL ’Fraid not.
HAL Frank. From… Well, anyway, there’s this guy who—
WILL Is this Frank?
HAL What? No. This is the joke.
WILL My apologies.
HAL
Okay. Well, there’s this old boy and he’s got a son, kid’s, you know, twenty-two or so, always loafing around the house. One day, the guy says to his son, “You need to get up on out this house and find yourself a wife cuz we about done feeding your ass.” So the kid comes back about a week later, finds his father in the basement, says, “Daddy, I found me a woman.” Father says, “Where she at, boy?” Son says, “Setting on the couch in the living room.” So the father, he takes a stroll up there, then comes running back down to the basement. He says, “Boy, you can’t marry that girl. She’s your sister, but your mama don’t know it.”
[WAITRESS comes up to the table.]
WAITRESS You all alright here?
WILL Take another round, thanks.
[WAITRESS nods and leaves.]
HAL
So the son comes back a week later, the father’s out in the shed. Boy says, “Daddy, I found me another woman.” Father says, “Where she at?” Son goes, “Setting on the couch in the living room.” Father goes into the house, takes a look, comes running back to the shed. “Son, you can’t marry her either. She’s your sister too. But your mama don’t know it. So get rid of her.” ’Bout a week later, the son’s sitting in the house, sad and all, and his mama comes in, says, “What happened to those nice girls you were bringing around? I thought you were gonna marry one of them.” Boy says, “But, Mama, Daddy said I couldn’t cuz they was my sisters.” The mother says, “What?” And the boy says, “That’s what he said. He said you didn’t know about it.” The mother says, “Well, don’t you worry, son, you marry whichever one you please, cause he ain’t your daddy.”
[HAL laughs uproariously. WILL chuckles. GINA smokes. The WAITRESS returns, places their drinks on the table.]
GINA Keep ’em coming, okay?
DOCTOR and PATIENT.
DOCTOR So you’ve been forgetting.
PATIENT What’s the missus think of the new digs?
DOCTOR So you’ve been forgetting.
PATIENT Go to Crate & Barrel, did you? Get the latest stemware?
DOCTOR You’ve been forgetting.
PATIENT A lot.
DOCTOR What’re you on?
PATIENT Nothing but the shit you prescribed. What’s it? Haldol. I had a dog once. Had him from the time I was four till I was sixteen. His name was BB and when you stuck your nose in his fur it smelled like cinnamon. Don’t ask me why, but it did. And I can tell you how he didn’t so much walk as trundle. Is that a word? He trundled and his butt sashayed like a French hooker’s. I loved that dog. So how come I can’t tell you what kind of dog he was?
DOCTOR He was a mutt?
PATIENT If he was a mutt, I’d tell you he was a mutt. I’d remember he had a mutt’s face. But I can’t see his face. I can’t remember what he looked like.
DOCTOR You can’t see his face.
PATIENT Twelve years of my life and I can’t see his face. It’s the noise, the noise, the noise, don’t you think?
DOCTOR What noise?
PATIENT
What noise? The fucking bells, the whistles, the plethora of fucking choices for fucking nothing. The fucking Coast or Irish Spring or Ivory Snow. The SUVs and handbags and coats and diet pills and fitness programs and everything new-and-fucking improved! And you buy it so it’ll fill those places in you that never did fill, those places you carry around in you like extra lungs? It’ll make you feel right, but you’re not filled, you’re not right. And then you wake up and you can’t remember what your dog looked like. Jesus Christ.
DOCTOR Take a breath.
PATIENT I’m breathing. I didn’t forget how to do that.
DOCTOR Well, that’s something.
PATIENT Yeah, that’s something. Who are you?
DOCTOR What?
PATIENT Kidding.
BOBBY and BOBBY’S FATHER.
BOBBY’S FATHER So you didn’t stash it at Gwen’s house?
BOBBY Not that I recall.
BOBBY’S FATHER Think.
BOBBY I’ve been thinking.
BOBBY’S FATHER So you’re sure it’s not there.
BOBBY I didn’t say I’m sure. I said “Not that I recall.”
BOBBY’S FATHER Well, recall better.
BOBBY Would that I could. Where’s Gwen?
BOBBY’S FATHER I told you two years ago, that girl got gone. No note, no nothing, just blew out of town. Forget her. Shit, you forgot everything else. Forget Gwen. Hear me? Forget Gwen. So where do you think it is?
BOBBY Like a bulldog on a pork chop.