BOBBY’S FATHER She ain’t waiting, son. She ain’t. They don’t wait. It’s not their gift. That’s why we love them. Because if we blink, they could be gone. We look right instead of left, they’re already on a bus. Because they leave.
BOBBY Not her.
BOBBY’S FATHER Not her?
BOBBY Not her.
BOBBY’S FATHER Well, fuck her.
BOBBY Already have.
BOBBY’S FATHER You think anything’s changed since we fucking cave-painted? They suck our dicks so we’ll go to sleep. They share our beds so we’ll keep them warm. They fuck us so we’ll pay the electric. And if they suck our dicks and share our beds and fuck us just right, they know we’ll buy them earrings and cars and fucking gym memberships. Because they can be alone, but they can’t survive. And we can survive, but we can’t stand to be alone. And that’s it.
BOBBY That’s it?
BOBBY’S FATHER We hunt, they eat. We build, they dwell. We produce, they use.
BOBBY That’s my inheritance, the sum of my received knowledge from you?
BOBBY’S FATHER What did you think — you beat the house? You were the one guy in the history of time who found the perfect woman? You fucking infant. The free lunch ain’t free, the check ain’t in the mail, no one ever fought a war over truth or good intentions, and the only way not to lose is not to play.
BOBBY More pearls. Thank you.
BOBBY’S FATHER Where’s my diamond?
BOBBY Where’s Gwen?
BOBBY’S FATHER I told you.
BOBBY Tell me again. Where’s Gwen?
BOBBY’S FATHER I—
BOBBY Not good enough. Where’s Gwen?
A slow song on the jukebox. PATIENT lights a cigarette.
DOCTOR Those things will kill you.
PATIENT You think?
DOCTOR I never meant to—
PATIENT [Waves it away.] No one ever means anything.
[PATIENT stands, dances in front of him. He watches. She holds out her hand.]
PATIENT Come on. Dance with me.
DOCTOR Don’t be ridiculous.
PATIENT I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being rhythmic. Come on. I’ll even attempt to give a straight answer to a straight question.
DOCTOR You will, huh?
PATIENT Come on. I love this song.
[DOCTOR stands and she pulls him out onto the floor. They dance, she much better at it than he.]
DOCTOR What’s worse than murder?
PATIENT What?
DOCTOR You said you’d bet there are people in the world, in this bar, who have done far worse than murder. I’m wondering what that could be.
PATIENT Did I say that? I must have been trying it out — the concept, the line. I do that sometimes. I don’t mean anything by it.
DOCTOR Sure you do.
PATIENT After all your years climbing around in people’s heads like a cranial janitor, do you think people know why they do things? People rationalize, they turn their delusions into something romantic that they can disguise as ethics or principles or ideals. People are selfish, Doctor — odiously, monstrously, but in so small and paltry a monstrousness that we barely notice it.
[The DOCTOR tries to break away from her, but she grips him hard, grinds against him.]
PATIENT If we could have everything we wanted in an instant without fear of consequence? No worry of jail or societal reproof of any kind? No having to look our victims in the eyes because the victims have conveniently vanished? If we could have that? Stalin’s crimes would pale in comparison to what we’d do in the name of love. In the name of the heart wanting what the heart wants. So don’t fucking ask me what’s worse than murder.
[She drops his hand, steps away from him. Long beat.]
DOCTOR You’re a sociopath. You are. And I’m leaving.
PATIENT I will blow up your life.
DOCTOR What?
PATIENT You heard me. I will tell your wife and I’ll tell the Ethics Board and I’ll tell the police and I’ll make a scene so loud the only place to put it will be the front page. So don’t you think of walking out of here, you fucking theoretician.
BOBBY and BOBBY’S FATHER.
BOBBY’S FATHER This memory of yours…
BOBBY Yeah?
BOBBY’S FATHER Well, it’s a might selective, wouldn’t you say?
BOBBY If I could remember what it’s being selective about, I’d probably agree with you.
BOBBY’S FATHER I’m just trying to think of what you’ve forgetten besides, oh, the location of a three-million-dollar stone. Seems like you remember every other fucking thing.
BOBBY Let’s try your memory. Where was I born?
BOBBY’S FATHER Not this shit again.
BOBBY What’s my mother’s maiden name? Hell, what’s her first name? Do I have a birth certificate?
BOBBY’S FATHER I don’t believe in paperwork.
BOBBY Is Bobby even my real name?
BOBBY’S FATHER It suffices. Look, your mother’s dead.
BOBBY So you say.
BOBBY’S FATHER Why would I lie?
BOBBY You’ve built your whole life on “Why would I tell the truth?” and you’re asking me that? Let’s start with an easy one. Where was I born?
BOBBY’S FATHER New Mexico.
BOBBY How hard was that?
BOBBY’S FATHER No, wait, my bad. Actually it was New Orleans. I get the News mixed up. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t New Jersey, though. Where’s my diamond?
BOBBY New Hampshire.
BOBBY’S FATHER Oh-ho. Now I’m seeing it.
BOBBY It’s sinking in finally, huh?
BOBBY’S FATHER You were born here.
[BOBBY sees the truth in his father’s face.]
BOBBY This shitty little town?
BOBBY’S FATHER This shitty little town.
BOBBY So when we came here three years ago, you were, what?
BOBBY’S FATHER Nothing. Scamming hurricane insurance in trailer parks, just like I said, just like we did. I ain’t got no connection to this place no more. Just figured we’d pop in, as always, hit hard and fast and be gone. But you fall in luv, fuckhead.
BOBBY And stumble across the diamond.
BOBBY’S FATHER Yeah, that was a nice benny.
BOBBY [Stunned.] Here?
BOBBY’S FATHER Right here. Probably why you always get a woody for the fairgrounds.
[BOBBY stiffens. BOBBY’S FATHER is oblivious, throwing back his drink.]
BOBBY The fairgrounds?
BOBBY’S FATHER You always loved that place, right? Well, let me tell you something — makes me believe in genetic memory, boy, ’cause that’s where you were probably conceived. Hey, that’s an idea, maybe it’s there.
BOBBY The fairgrounds? Yeah, that sounds right.
BOBBY’S FATHER What?
BOBBY I said that sounds right. Want to go look?
[BOBBY’S FATHER throws some bills on the table and stands.]
BOBBY’S FATHER I’ll drive.
The DOCTOR and the PATIENT.
PATIENT So I’m a sociopath.
DOCTOR You have sociopathic tendencies.
PATIENT You’re parsing. I hate that. Have some balls. I either am something or I’m not.
DOCTOR The human psyche can’t be reduced to a simple this-or-that equation.
PATIENT Sure it can. You, for example, are effete. A repulsive quality in anyone, but in a man? And like most people who are effete, you’re pompous, and like most people who are pompous, you’re insecure, and like all people who are self-consciously insecure, you make the rest of the world pay for your fucking insecurities. So if I have to choose between flaws, I’ll take mine, thank you.