BOBBY [Shakes his head.] With your hands.
BOBBY and GWEN sit in each other’s arms at the fairgrounds.
GWEN You think it lasts?
BOBBY What?
GWEN This.
BOBBY Of course. Why not?
GWEN You look around, you see people who’ve been together, I mean, do they look happy? How do you hold something that feels this good?
BOBBY You just do.
GWEN But it’s got to burn after a while. It’s got to exhaust you. Maybe you let it cool a bit, just a bit, so it lets you breathe normal again. But once you do that…
BOBBY We don’t need to breathe normal.
GWEN Everyone needs to breathe normal.
BOBBY We’re not everyone.
GWEN Yes, we are.
BOBBY You’re scared. Tomorrow’s a scary day. But we’ll get through.
GWEN And then what? They never show you the ebb. I mean, it all ebbs.
BOBBY And gathers steam and comes back again.
GWEN You think?
BOBBY I hope.
GWEN I hope.
BOBBY If it’s pure… if it’s pure, well, you hold on to what’s pure about it. You never let that ebb. The other parts, okay, sure, they’ll grow weak at times, but the pure part?
GWEN We’ll get old.
BOBBY Fuckin’ A!
GWEN Fat. Cellulite. Wrinkles. No one will know we were beautiful once.
BOBBY Speak for yourself.
GWEN Bitch.
BOBBY I can’t wait to see each line in your face appear. To know I saw its birth.
GWEN Where did you come from?
BOBBY Pluto. You say I’m good. Well, I don’t know about that. I don’t. But we’re good. I know that.
GWEN I’m going to marry you, shithead. And get fat just to test your resolve.
BOBBY Shave your head while you’re at it, would you? I dig fat bald chicks.
DOCTOR and PATIENT sit in exact same positions as BOBBY and GWEN. PATIENT stares offstage at the sounds of the fair.
DOCTOR This is not remotely appropriate.
PATIENT Let’s not get into “appropriate” again. It’s tired. I’m tired. Just let me sit here for another minute.
DOCTOR Fair enough.
PATIENT How do they do it? All those nobodies out there. Never Weres. Pass through this world, never achieve a single significant thing.
DOCTOR Maybe their definition of “significant” is different.
PATIENT What? Got a raise? Made VP of the Media Affairs Department for Bo’s Discount Furniture? Bought that power mower?
DOCTOR Raised a child. Loved a parent. Died in her arms.
PATIENT Hallmark bullshit. Lifetime Movie of the Week. The Noise we all tune in to so we won’t see that we don’t really matter. We left no mark. Those who are remembered offered a sacrifice.
DOCTOR Everyone makes sacrifices in a relationship. It’s part of—
PATIENT A sacrifice made unto something. An offering thrown on a pyre so the gods know you’re worthy.
DOCTOR Of immortality? Happiness?
PATIENT What adult believes in happiness?
DOCTOR Then what?
PATIENT Completion. The illusion that you exist for a purpose. You commit to, to true love — of a person, your art, your company, your country, your truth? When you feel that, you have to sacrifice something to it or else, else it’s just infatuation.
DOCTOR [Points offstage at the fair.] That’s why you killed a human being? So you wouldn’t be them?
PATIENT Yes. So I’d never, ever be them. And from then on, I had a secret that defined me as bigger than that. Better. More serious.
DOCTOR And now?
PATIENT Fuck you.
DOCTOR And now?
PATIENT Fuck you!
DOCTOR AND NOW?
PATIENT I want to undo it. I want to go back. I want my child. He’s… he’s eleven now. And he’s out there somewhere. With him. With him.
BOBBY’S FATHER has dug about four feet into the grave. BOBBY squats above him, watching.
BOBBY’S FATHER Come on. Let me use the shovel.
BOBBY Tell me about my mother.
BOBBY’S FATHER Let me use the shovel. I got no nails left, I got—
BOBBY Tell me about her.
BOBBY’S FATHER [Eyeing the knife.]
Fuck you. You won’t use that. You don’t have the—
[BOBBY stabs him in the shoulder.]
BOBBY’S FATHER Jesus!
[BOBBY stabs him in the shoulder again.]
BOBBY’S FATHER All right! All right!
BOBBY Tell me something about my mother and I might — might — give you the shovel for a bit.
BOBBY’S FATHER You can’t do this to me!
BOBBY All evidence to the contrary.
BOBBY’S FATHER I raised you.
BOBBY A bit too well, I’d say. Have you ever loved anyone? Anything? I mean, tell me you had a dog as a kid. I’ll buy it. A favorite uncle.
BOBBY’S FATHER I loved you.
BOBBY I was chattel. Big difference. Keep digging. I’m just wondering if I cut you open, if I’d find a heart. Or an engine.
BOBBY’S FATHER Same engine that runs in you.
BOBBY Did you ever love anyone?
BOBBY’S FATHER I loved your mother.
BOBBY What was her name?
BOBBY’S FATHER Nope. That’s mine, boy.
BOBBY How’d you meet?
BOBBY’S FATHER Give me some water.
[BOBBY thinks about it, finally passes him a bottle.]
BOBBY’S FATHER I was a pencil pusher once. Believe that? Regional manager for a grain outfit. Covered sales for a five-state region. Had me a shitty car. Apartment wasn’t bad, kinda nondescript, I guess you’d say. Little patio looked out on a little pool and a bunch of other patios. Thought one day I’d maybe run the show when the old man retired. He was grooming me. Then I met your mother.
BOBBY What happened?
BOBBY’S FATHER What didn’t? The world shook. Never looked the same after that. One day, we came out of the building at the same time, started talking while we walked to our cars. She had on this blue blouse…
[He swigs some water, leans back against the grave. Beat.]
BOBBY That’s it? The blue blouse? That’s your fucking story?
BOBBY’S FATHER You can’t explain love. When it seizes you, what it does. You end up sounding like an idiot. She wore a blue blouse, we talked, I felt like God gave birth to me that day. How about that shovel?
BOBBY Is she dead?
BOBBY’S FATHER She is to me.
[BOBBY lowers his head for a moment. When he raises it, he wipes at some tears.]
BOBBY’S FATHER Now you know.
BOBBY Now I know. Climb out. Go get the shovel.
[BOBBY’S FATHER climbs out, starts walking toward the car with BOBBY a few steps behind, knife at the ready.]
BOBBY’S FATHER She’d take your breath away, your mother. Most beautiful woman I ever saw. Snatch it out of your lungs.
The DOCTOR and the PATIENT.
PATIENT Let’s say we’d let Hal live.
DOCTOR Okay.
PATIENT He gives me the house and half the money, but he takes my child. That was his plan.
DOCTOR He would have been a better father than—
PATIENT
I know that, I know that. But what about me? And even removing me as a mother from the equation, okay, then what? Hal takes the baby, I get the house. Then what? It’s just the two of us, me and Will. And our love. Our love. Which doesn’t seem so hot after a while if there’s not a living, breathing representative of it to remind us. It’s just love. Two people who fuck on Saturday night if they’re not too tired from deciding where to eat the other six nights. But a child walks into the room like a candlewick? And sometimes, if you’re lucky, just by looking at him you remember you were young once. You lived.