I won’t be able to sit by and hope someone else kills them first.
At one point I’m pretty sure I could hear Tabitha snoring, and I was glad that one of us was getting some sleep.
“I need to ask you,” Natalie said to me as we neared Bondy Lake.
“What is it?”
“Would you ever consider letting us come live with you?”
“Why would you want to do that? You have your family.”
“I don’t want to be with my family.”
“Hold on… when you were on your way to see us… were you hoping to move in with us?”
She started to cry. “I don’t know how Antoine feels about me… but I’ve always wondered if he loves me.”
“I don’t —”
“I don’t expect you to know if he actually loves me,” she said, giving me a warm smile. “I just want a chance to ask him.”
I knew Natalie didn’t want to go back home to her family, but where she hoped to go instead was a place that no longer existed, not the way she wanted it to be.
I had to tell her that.
“I need to tell you something,” I said.
“What?”
“Why don’t you pull over for a minute so it’s easier to talk.”
I waited until the car was stopped; I then reached over and pulled out the keys.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“It’s about Ant,” I said. “We lost him.”
“What do you mean you lost him? Where did he go?”
“There was an accident, Natalie… Ant didn’t make it.”
She collapsed against my shoulder, pounding her fists against me. Then she started to weep.
And I wept, too.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt worse for anyone.
I don’t know why that is.
4
Today is Tuesday, December 18th.
Justin and Rihanna stopped by just before lunch, their two kids in tow. My first thought was to try and figure out how to keep them from staying over to eat, but Fiona seemed perfectly happy adding a few extra mouths, so we extended an invite and they accepted.
I can’t tell if they’re trying to win me over.
Having somewhat reliable electricity with the new solar plant has made a big difference for how we eat. Last year we had one small upright freezer on the geni, and we treated the microwave like a luxury item, only using it when we had no other choice; that meant the most meals were planned to provide just enough, with no expectation of leftovers, and oftentimes that actually ended up being not quite enough for everyone.
But now Fiona always makes extra at dinner, and seals the remainder into one of over a hundred unused plastic food containers in our stockpile, adding the date and her own four-star rating before shoving it into one of the three chest freezers we now have on the go in the basement.
So while she still loves to cook, or at least she tells me she does, there’s about a 50/50 chance these days that lunch will be “a la carte”, as she puts it, and we’ll all just grab our own entree from the freezer and wait our turn to heat it up. We should probably bring over a second microwave.
The Porters are lucky that today happens to feature a fresh meal of grilled cheese sandwiches and cream of vegetable soup.
We sat down around the long pinewood table, and with the four Porters we filled up every chair but Ant’s.
By now everyone seemed to have gotten used to what had happened yesterday, but I could still tell that there was a strange reverence for me from a few people that I didn’t really deserve. I tried to keep the details of what happened unsaid, particularly when Kayla and Fiona were around… I just said that there were two girls who were stranded up there, and left it at that. I know there’s something patronizing about my urge to cover things up, but I’m not sure I’m sorry for it.
“So there’s a reason we stopped by,” Justin said as he eyed me eating my soup.
“I figured,” I said. “I just assumed it was something about Silver Queen Lake.”
“Yup…”
“I haven’t really had a chance to process it all. Right now I’m having trouble imagining how we can get at those supplies without exposing ourselves too much.”
“I know. It’s not something we can handle on our own.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I thought you were coming here to convince me that we needed to go back today.”
“There’s no way you’re going back,” Sara said.
I sighed. “We need to get those supplies somehow.”
“I think you guys know about my phone,” Justin said.
“The phone you won’t let us use?” Lisa asked.
“I called everyone’s numbers. You know that. The networks were down all over the continent. I can barely get a signal, and we’re a lot closer to the Eastern Hemisphere than most people.”
“That was two months ago,” Graham said. “I’m sure someone’s working to get things going again.”
“Then we’ll try again soon, okay? But that’s not really the issue right now.”
“What is the issue?” I asked.
“I got a call from Dave Walker. Nice long message.”
“I didn’t know you two were phone buddies.”
Justin sighed. “There are around a dozen people in the district with working phones. I talk to all of them.”
“And keep the details to yourself,” Lisa said.
“So what did Dave Walker want?” I asked.
“He made us an offer,” Justin said. “He told me that they’d be willing to work together with us to retrieve the supplies… that we could split everything up 50/50.”
“That’s hard to believe,” Lisa said, her hand covering a mouthful of grilled cheese.
“They’ve decided to take over the Smiths’ old roadblock,” Rihanna said. “They brought up a camper and a couple of trucks.”
“I placed a call to D’Arcy at Detour Lake,” Justin said. “He’s already gotten back to me with a nice counter-offer.”
“No,” Sara said. “We’re not working with Detour Lake.”
Justin shook his head angrily. “You’re not in charge.”
“We’re not working with them,” I said. “They’re more trouble than they’re worth.”
“You need to rethink that policy, Baptiste.”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t.”
“Wait,” Graham said. “If we team up with the Walkers we’re pissing on the Supply Partnership. We shouldn’t even be talking to them at all after the stunt they pulled. Not until we get our fair share of their inventory.”
“Good luck with that,” Justin said.
“When do they want to start?” I asked. “ASAP?”
“They don’t want to start emptying the cottages until we can get up there with a couple trucks of our own. They want two of us to help man the roadblock, and two to help with the loading. And they want you on the roadblock, Baptiste.”
“It isn’t right,” Graham said.
“And we’re going to somehow split everything up without any arguments or dirty tricks?” I asked.
“What’s the other option?” Lisa asked. “We either take what we can get or we’re left with nothing.”
“But I don’t understand,” I said. “Walker said he’d never work with me… what’s changed?”
“He must have been struck with a rare bout of common sense,” Rihanna said. “You and Justin are the most highly-trained guys in the district.”
“I think Stems has me beat.”
“I know I have you beat,” Justin said.
“We’d be betraying our friends,” Sara said. “The Marchands and the Girards. The Lamarches…”