In the corner, partially hidden in the poor light, was what could only be described as a six-foot carrot. The thicker end of the creature was balanced on four webbed pads planted on the floor. There were no arms, but about five feet above the ground, just under a maze of blue spaghetti of unknown purpose on top of its “head,” four vertical slits, each a foot long, were cut in what might have been its face. Out of each of these slits something strange was hanging. Troy would later explain to Nick and Carol that these were sensors, that the carrot saw, heard, smelled, and tasted with these dangling extensions.
Lieutenant Todd did not wait to study the creature. He let out a whoop and backed quickly out of the bathroom. He did not stop to retract his penis or zip his fly. When the weird orange thing next appeared in the light at the door to the bathroom, The lieutenant was certain it was going to follow him. He stared at it, petrified and immobile, for half a second. Then, when it did indeed move toward him, Todd immediately turned around, unlocked the front door, and burst through it.
Unfortunately he forgot about the eight concrete steps. In his panic he tripped and fell. He smacked his head hard on the second step and tumbled down to the bottom. He lay unconscious on his back on the sidewalk in front of the building.
Carol had cowered against Nick when she had first seen the carrot. Then they had both glanced at Troy. He was smiling and humming to himself, “When you wish upon a star… makes no difference who you are.” He seemed so blase about everything that Nick and Carol even relaxed temporarily. However, after Lieutenant Todd disappeared out the front door and the carrot turned to face them, it was difficult to remain calm.
“Nuts,” said Troy with a big smile. “I was really hoping for the blue fairy. I thought she might make me rich, or maybe even white.”
“All right, Jefferson,” Nick said. His face looked as if he had just eaten a lemon. “Please explain what that thing in front of us is.”
Troy first walked slowly over to the corner of the room to pick up their backpacks. “This, Professor,” he replied as he then walked directly up to the carrot, “is what we might call a holographic projection.” He put his hand into and through the orange body. “Somewhere in the universe there is supposedly a real life creature like this, but they have only sent his image to help us escape.”
Even with Troy’s explanation Nick and Carol did not want to come any closer to the stationary carrot than was absolutely necessary. They moved with their backs against the walls until they reached the door. “Don’t worry,” Troy laughed. “It won’t hurt you.”
The sensor hanging out of the slit on the far right of the carrot’s head was totally incomprehensible. Carol could not take her eye off of it. It looked like a wad of gooey honeycomb stuck on the end of a majorette’s baton. “What does it do with that?” Carol asked, pointing as she preceded Troy out the door.
“I don’t know, angel,” Troy answered. “But it must be fun.”
Nick and Troy joined Carol on the platform at the top of the stairs They all saw Todd at about the same time. They were naturally surprised to find him lying at the bottom of the steps. His head was bleeding. “Should we help him?” Carol wondered out loud as Troy bounded down the stairs in front of her.
“No way,” Nick replied quickly.
Troy bent down beside Todd and carefully examined the unconscious lieutenant from head to toe. He slapped the big man lightly on the cheek. Lieutenant Todd did not move. Troy winked at his friends at the top of the stairs. “The professor was right, my man,” he said, breaking into a grin, “you really aren’t shit.”
“So I kissed her,” Carol said with a laugh.
“You did what?” asked Nick. They were in Troy’s old Ford LTD. driving toward the Hemingway marina. After leaving the base they had walked the mile and a half to Troy’s duplex to pick up his car. Carol was beside Troy in the front seat and Nick was in the back next to the backpacks containing the gold and the information discs.
Carol turned around to Nick. “I kissed her.” She laughed again as Nick screwed up his face in disgust. “What was I supposed to do? The woman is stronger than most men. She had me pinned on the floor. There was something just a little suggestive about the way she was holding me…”
“Whoooee, angel,” Troy slapped the dashboard with his left hand. “You are amazing. What did superkraut do next?”
“She released her grip on my wrists. Just for a second. I think she was deciding whether to kiss me back.”
“Yuch,” said Nick from the back seat. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“So you smashed her up side of the head and then ran off?” asked Troy. Carol nodded. Troy laughed heartily and then became more serious. “Be careful if you ever see her again, angel. Greta does not like to lose.”
“But you’re wrong about her in one respect, Carol,” Nick remarked. “Greta’s not into women at all. She likes sex with men too much.”
Carol found Nick’s comment smug and even irritating. She spoke across the front seat to Troy. “Why is it, Troy, that men naturally assume that any woman who has sexual relations with men could not possibly be interested in having sex with another woman? Is this another example of their fundamental belief in their own innate superiority?” She didn’t wait for an answer. Carol turned around again to talk to Nick. “And in case you’re wondering, the answer is no, I’m not a lesbian. I am relentlessly heterosexual, as much because of my San Fernando Valley middle class background as anything. But I will admit that sometimes I grow extremely tired of men and what I call their baboon demonstrations of macho.”
“Hey,” Nick replied, “I didn’t mean to start an argument. I was just suggesting—”
“Okay, okay,” Carol interrupted, loosening up a bit, “no harm done. I guess I am a little quick on the trigger.” She was quiet for a few seconds. “By the way, Nick,” she remarked then, “there’s one part of this that I still don’t understand completely. Why did Captain Homer go to such great lengths to hide the rest of the treasure all this time? Why didn’t he just sell it off as soon as he could?”
“Lots of reasons,” Nick replied. “Not the least of which was fear that he might somehow be discovered and indicted for the perjury he committed during our trial. But this way he also escapes the IRS, the value of the gold appreciates in time, and, most importantly, Greta has to hang around if she wants her whole share. He almost certainly converts some of it to cash from time to time, probably through a third party. But never enough to call attention to the transaction.”
“So you see, angel,” Troy said, “that’s why there’s no way he can call the police. Because he would have to admit everything. I bet he’s really pissed off.”
Troy pulled into a left-hand turn lane and waited for the signal to change. A car pulled up beside them on the right, next to Carol, and she just happened to look idly in that direction. It was a Mercedes.
Later on Carol would recall that time seemed to dilate for her. Each second of the next minute was recorded in her memory in super slow motion, as if it were covering a much longer period of time. Greta was driving Captain Homer’s car and was staring at Carol. Homer was sitting beside her, waving his fists, shouting something that Carol couldn’t hear through her closed window. Carol focused on Greta’s amazing eyes. Never had she seen such hatred. For just an instant Carol looked away to alert Troy and Nick. When she turned back she saw that Greta had a pistol pointed directly at her.