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The last line about passing the torch of life is stolen from the poet Lucretius. He has been dead for years but he is still alive.

I have written this book in four different ways now. The first time I wrote this book was in the year 2000. I wrote a book called Grandma Ruby’s. In 2004 I wrote a book called Phil Crookshanks. In 2006 I wrote a book full of short stories I broke apart from the original book called Phil Crookshanks. In the year 2011 I cut all of these books apart and put them together into one book called Crapalachia. I want to thank this book for being my friend. I will miss being a part of this book. I will miss remembering these people.

I wrote this appendix during the last week of Sarah’s pregnancy. I ate Kentucky Fried Chicken on the day I finished it. I typed it up on the day of my son’s birth, April 19, 2012. Today is April 21st. Yesterday, Iris gave Samuel a kiss when he came home from the hospital. My wife is asleep upstairs with the oldest child. My mother-in-law is awake with Samuel. They are upstairs too. We are all trying to sleep. I am forever trying to sleep.

This book is a time machine. The words you have just read are the past. The next page is the future. Your beautiful, young bodies and your beautiful, young faces are the present.

The PRESENT…

Enjoy it while it fucking lasts.

I want to thank you for your time, even though time doesn’t belong to you either.

So farewell my old friends. Farewell.