Drawing herself up straighter in her chair, she renewed her determination to enjoy her time with Lucas no matter how long it lasted. She wouldn’t allow her unrealistic expectations and her emotions ruin it. She would tuck her love away in her heart and in years to come she would always have the memories of this special time together. Her heart ached in her chest, but she ignored it. Yes, it was easier said than done, but she was determined.
Sexually, there was no doubt that they were compatible. Lucas seemed to know just how to touch her to bring her the most satisfaction. He’d spent hours stroking her skin, leisurely pleasuring her. At times he could be as playful as a large cat, tumbling her around his huge bed or hauling her onto the dining room table for a quickie. But other times, he would be serious and intense as he brought her to peak after peak of pleasure until she couldn’t bear it anymore.
He challenged her to try new things, encouraged her to take what she wanted and to not be afraid of her sexuality. But it was the times after sex that had changed her the most.
She’d had a live-in lover before, but sleeping with Gary had been nothing like sleeping with Lucas. Always before, she turned away, needing her own space. But Lucas had never allowed it. His favorite position seemed to be spooning up behind her with her bottom snuggled against his groin and her head tucked under his chin. With his forearm locked just under her breasts, he kept her close with him throughout the night. Either that or she’d wake up and find herself sprawled across him, using him for a mattress. Both of them liked that position, as Lucas always woke hard and ready for her. She’d almost been late to work twice this week because of an early morning quickie.
Her breath was coming faster and her nipples were puckered against her bra, making them ache. She straightened her jacket and moaned as the fabric rubbed against her breasts. Her whole body clenched and she gritted her teeth in frustration. She had to stop thinking about Lucas. Deliberately, she changed her thoughts, but all these musings about relationships brought her mother to mind.
Tapping her fingers on her desk, she stared at her phone. She’d been avoiding her mother for quite some time now— ever since the night she’d gotten the unexpected phone call from Justin. Her mother had left several messages on her machine, but for once in her life, Candy had ignored them. She’d needed the time to get over her feelings of betrayal.
But it had gotten to the point where she was just being childish and petty and she didn’t like that image of herself. The time had come to talk to her mother. Grabbing her phone, she dialed her mother’s number before she could talk herself out of it. She held her breath, half hoping her mother wasn’t home and she could just leave a message.
“Hello.” Candy slowly released her pent-up breath when she heard her mother’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Hi, Mom.” Leaning forward, she propped her elbows on her desk and eyed her empty coffee cup longingly. She should have gotten herself some coffee first.
“Candy!” There was no mistaking the delight in her mother’s voice, which made her feel all the worse. “Are you all right, dear? I’ve been trying to reach you for days.”
She squashed the feelings of guilt that welled up inside her, telling herself she’d had every right to take some time to think before calling her mother. But it didn’t quite work. “I know, Mom. I’m sorry, but I’ve been busy.”
“As long as there’s nothing wrong.”
Taking the opening, she plunged onward. “But there is something wrong. Justin called me.”
There was silence on the other end and then her mother sighed. “Oh?”
Anger stirred inside her as she realized her mother wasn’t going to say anything else. “He told me he was talking to you first. Why didn’t you tell me you’d heard from him?”
“That’s the reason, Candy. Listen to yourself. You’re so angry with him instead of just being glad to hear from him.”
“See, that’s what I don’t understand, Mom.” Righteous indignation filled her. “It’s just like with Dad. He’d disappear for days, weeks or months and you’d just forgive him and take him back. Now it’s the same thing with Justin, but he’s been gone years, not months. Years!” Her temples started to throb as the beginnings of a tension headache descended on her.
“What I did with your father is my business,” her mother snapped back.
“But it was my life too,” she retorted. “How do you think it felt to have a convicted felon as a father? That was bad enough, but you kept taking him back every time he got out of prison.”
“Right or wrong, it was my choice, Candy. And I did my best to be a good mother.”
Usually she dropped the subject, feeling guilty whenever she questioned her mother, but not this time. “Yes, you did your best, but it was still hard on your kids and that’s something you’ve never acknowledged. I think that’s why it was so easy for Justin to fall into the same pattern.”
“I’m not responsible for Justin’s actions.” Her mother’s voice was getting shriller and more defensive with every word she spoke.
Candy rubbed her temples, realizing this was futile. Her mother was who she was, and as she said, had made her own choices. She’d done the best she could, but like all humans, she had her shortcomings. It was a slight revelation to Candy to realize that her anger stemmed from the fact that she’d wished her mother had been perfect and more of the kind of mother she’d wanted growing up.
They’d never agree on some issues, Justin and her father being two of them, but it was time for Candy to let them go and move on. A weight lifted off her shoulders as she dropped her burden of guilt. She’d done her best, just as her mother had done, so maybe it was time to forge a new relationship, based on the here and now instead of the past.
“What did Justin have to say?” She was curious to see if he’d said more to their mother than to her.
“Just that he wanted to see me and to see you, of course.”
“You’ve seen him?” She knew the answer even before she’d asked the question. Candy could tell from the tone of her mother’s voice that she’d seen him.
“Yes. He’s been over for supper several times.”
Candy swallowed the lump of emotion that welled up from deep within her. “How—” She broke off, cleared her throat and tried again. “How does he look?”
“He looks good. The years haven’t been easy ones, but he looks good.” Her mother paused. “He looks a lot like your father.”
She rubbed her throbbing temples and scrunched her eyes tight to hold back the tears. “Yeah, well, Dad always was a good-looking son of a—”
“Candy!”
“I was going to say, gun, Mom.” That was the one thing that James Logan had had going for him. He’d definitely been a handsome and charming devil. “Did Justin say anything else, like how long he was staying or what he’s been doing?”
“Not really. He mostly asked about me and my life.” She paused. “And you, honey. He asked a lot of questions about you. I wish you’d agree to see him. I know it would mean a lot to him.”
“Did he ask you to plead his case?” That was definitely something her father would have done.
“No. He actually did the opposite and asked me not to say anything at all to you.” She could hear her mother’s growing impatience. “But I still think you should see him, Candy. At least once.”
“I’m still thinking about it, Mom.”
“I didn’t think you’d be that cold and unforgiving to your brother.”
The criticism hit Candy hard. “Well, he didn’t seem to care how I felt all these years he’s been away. Why should I care about his feelings now? He’s a stranger to me.”