“That’s true,” Ronnie replied, sounding thoughtful.
“Is that a no?”
“It’s just that… Gretchen…” Ronnie saying my name. Talking about me with someone else. It was breaking my heart. At least she was still thinking of me. At least she was still considering me. That was something-wasn’t it?
“She could find another roommate.”
Okay, it was true, I could find another roommate.
But I couldn’t find another Ronnie.
“Let me think about it.”
I crept down the hall, picking up my keys and purse from the kitchen table, and left, locking the door behind me. I got in my car and drove. I didn’t pay any attention to where I was going. I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. What I’d seen. What I’d heard. What was I going to do?
In the end. I found myself parked outside the Baumgartners. I’d just sort of let muscle memory drive me to their house. They lived in a rich subdivision, at the very back, in one of the oldest houses. It was a huge house with three garages. There was quite a bit of yard out back and a big empty field behind that. The Baumgartners did well for themselves. Mrs. B was into real estate and Doc was, well, a doctor. Hence the nickname. Their neighbors were lawyers and corporate executives and other doctors and their houses were just as big.
I sat with my chin on my steering wheel, thinking about how I’d met Ronnie and the Baumgartners. I’d been hired as a nanny by Maureen and James Holmes. Their kids were both brats but they paid well and went on a lot of vacations. They took me to Key West for Christmas break that year, where Maureen had run into Carrie Baumgartner, an old college roommate. The Baumgartners had brought Ronnie along to watch Janie and Henry.
I smiled, remembering the first time Ronnie and I had been together. She told me a story that night I wasn’t sure I should believe-a story about sleeping with the Baumgartners. Doc and Mrs. B had seduced her, she said, and she was sleeping with them both, separately and together. The thought of Doc, tall, rugged, dark-haired, sexy Doc Baumgartner, and Mrs. B, so full and luscious and tanned, with her long blonde hair and full breasts, sleeping with nubile little Ronnie, just turned nineteen at the time, took my breath away. I wasn’t sure I believed her at first, but the story she told was so enticing, so sexy, and turned me on so much, Ronnie and I ended up masturbating together for the first time that night.
And it all turned out to be true. Every single, glorious detail.
The Baumgartners had shared their beautiful, young babysitter during that vacation, and I often wondered if that relationship would have continued-if they hadn’t hired me. All because crazy fundamentally religious Maureen Holmes found condoms in my purse and fired me. I think the Baumgartners felt sorry for me, and Mrs. B decided she needed more regular help, after school and on the weekends, and Doc said they could afford it, and before I knew it, I had a new job. And they didn’t call Ronnie to babysit anymore.
But fate had intervened. At least, that’s what I always thought when I met Ronnie in the mall, Henry and Janie in tow, and we’d struck up a conversation. Reconnected. And things… just happened. And kept happening. Until here we were, me and Ronnie, best friends and lovers. I was still working for the Baumgartners and Ronnie was going to school and we didn’t talk about what had happened between them on that trip to Key West. In fact, Ronnie didn’t even ask about the Baumgartners anymore.
If it weren’t for the Baumgartners, I never would have met Ronnie, I realized. And it was the Baumgartners who gave me the solution to my sudden dilemma. Ronnie had slept with the Baumgartners and had said she loved it. I knew she loved men and she loved women. We both had that particular proclivity. So why in the world couldn’t we share?
Yes, I’d been jealous while I watched her having sex with Vince, it was true. But I wasn’t jealous because I wanted her all to myself. I was jealous just because I wanted her. I wanted her too. It was that simple. I wouldn’t have minded being in the middle of her and Vince, I wouldn’t have minded that at all. In fact, the thought made me incredibly wet.
So the simple solution to my problem was just telling Ronnie I knew-and telling her I didn’t mind, because, really, I didn’t. As long as I could be part of her relationship with this guy, why would I mind? And Vince… what guy on the planet would say no to a threesome, I reasoned. It was a foolproof plan. I smiled, starting the car, the weight on my chest lifted. I couldn’t wait to tell Ronnie. It was the perfect solution.
Chapter Two
“Gretchen?” Doc knocked on the door.
“Just a minute!” I sniffed, wiping at my eyes with a Kleenex and blowing my nose. I flushed, pretending I was actually peeing, and looked at my face in the mirror as I washed my hands. My eyes were red-rimmed, my face puffy from crying. I looked awful, which made a whole lot of sense, because I felt awful.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked softly. “The fireworks are starting soon. The kids want you to do sparklers with them.”
“I’m coming!” I patted my cold, wet hands against my cheeks, wiping my face on a hand towel before pulling open the door.
“Hey.” Doc cocked his head, his eyes far too perceptive as they searched my face. “Listen, if you don’t feel well…”
“No, I’m okay.” I assured him, trying on a smile, hoping it looked convincing. “The kids are out back still?”
I could hear the sounds of the party going on, music and laughter. The Baumgartners were hosting their annual Fourth of July party in their backyard. They had the perfect vantage point for the fireworks, over the field behind the house. The Clinton River ran back there and that’s where they let off the fireworks, in the city park across the river. There was a gazebo by the water they rented out for weddings and a small playground for the kids.
Down by the river, people lined both sides of the grass with blankets. But over here, separated by fields and trees, we could still see the fireworks display and we didn’t have to deal with any of the drunken crowds. Not that everyone wasn’t drunk here anyway. I could smell the booze on Doc’s breath. I wasn’t drinking, of course. I was on nanny duty.
“Sure you’re all right?” he asked, still blocking my way. He clearly wasn’t going to let me go until I’d reassured him again. But I didn’t want to reassure him. I could barely reassure myself.
“Ronnie broke up with me.” I just said it, no first thought, let alone a second one. I blinked, just as surprised as he was at my words.
“Oh, Gretchen.” Doc put a heavy hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even know… I mean, I knew you were roommates…”
“Right. Roommates.” I spat the word. That’s what she’d told Vince I was. Just her roommate.
I still couldn’t believe she was gone. She’d moved all her stuff out last week while I sat at the kitchen table and watched Vince carry her boxes. I still couldn’t believe she’d rejected my perfect plan. Because it had been so perfect. So very perfect. There had only been one flaw in my logic. It had never occurred to me that Ronnie wouldn’t want to share.
And that meant she had to choose.
And she had chosen Vince.
I burst into tears again, remembering the look on her face when she gave me back her key. Like we were just roommates. I’d managed to keep it together until she left, until she pulled away in Vince’s Ford F-150, all of her worldly possessions strapped down in back. And then I’d lost it. And I’d been losing it ever since. Just like this.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized to Doc, shaking my head, trying to get it together again. Just telling someone else had made it even more real. I’d been sleeping on the couch all week because I couldn’t sleep in my own bed. Our bed. The bed I’d watched her have sex with Vince in.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Doc put his arms around me, and that little bit of comfort destroyed any chance of me regaining my composure. I collapsed, sobbing, really, really sobbing, like I had that first night, curled up in a fetal position on the sofa, crying all night long.