But that would be a lie.
This was what I was about.
Those girls, I made them act that way. Maybe not intentionally. But it was because of me that they were angry. So I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t need her thinking about what a piece of crap I was.
I took my time riding us back to the apartment she shared with her cousin. It was a small tall and skinny by the beach. I kept the Harley at a low speed, trying to think of a way to make this better. For some crazy reason I really cared about what she thought of me. Even more crazy was me dreading the idea of her climbing off my bike and storming out of my life.
For whatever reason, I seemed to like being around her.
A little too much for my liking.
Pulling the throttle back I slowed down as I turned into her street, and pulled my bike to a halt out the front of her apartment block.
She didn’t take her time getting off the back of the bike and I couldn’t blame her. In the two times we had been out together, some crazy chick had thrown drinks at me because they felt I had let them down somehow. No matter who you are, that had to be some kind of fucking red flag.
After climbing off the bike she shook her hair free of its elastic band. It cascaded around her shoulders in thick chocolate waves and in the soft light of the dying sun she looked fucking amazing. I wanted to grab her and keep her with me. I didn’t want her walking away thinking I was such a jerk, even if it was the truth.
My eyes fell to the splash of chocolate milkshake across her shirt and I grimaced. She looked at me with those amazing bright eyes and I felt desperate for our date not to be over.
Date? Had I just thought that?
What the fuck?
I. don’t. date.
This chick was messing with my head.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” she said with a half-smile that made her look so freakin’ beautiful I wanted to beg her not to walk away from me and let me make it up to her somehow. “Thanks for dinner. It was … interesting.”
As she turned to walk away, I reached for her arm. “Hey, I really am sorry.”
It sounded feeble, but I was struggling to find the words to show her how sorry I really was.
“I know. But I think it’s probably best if …” She bit her lip in the most distracting way. “I’m sorry Heath, but you’re not a mistake I’m willing to make.”
Her words hit me like a kick in the face.
I stood there like a dick, speechless, as I watched her walk away.
“Look I don’t know why I am how I am.” I said suddenly, not sure where this sudden outburst had come from, yet unable to stop it. “And until I met you I never thought about it.”
She stopped and half-turned to look at me over her shoulder.
“I know girls throw themselves at me because I am a singer in a band. They’re not really interested in me as a person. They’re interested in the showman, the guy up there on stage in the lights. And they think that because I get up in front of a few thousand people and entertain them for a set that it makes me something that I am not. I know that. I’m not an idiot. But I am a red blooded male and if they’re offering …” He shrugged and held up his hands. “Why does that make me so bad? I’m a twenty-two year old guy. I don’t lie and I never promise anything I can’t deliver … ever …”
By now she had fully turned to look at me and in the late afternoon light she looked so fucking amazing I couldn’t help but fuck her a million times in my mind. But it wasn’t enough. There was something about her that had grabbed my attention and now it wouldn’t let me go.
She walked forward. “I’m not judging you Heath,” she said sincerely. “It’s just that I’ve seen enough to know I should stay away from you.”
Her words gutted me.
I didn’t want that.
And I wasn’t prepared to give up without a fight.
“I know you don’t believe me, but I am one of the good guys. I don’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone. Let me prove it to you.”
She cocked her head to the side in the most adorable way that I wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss her.
“Why do you care so much about what I think?”
It was a good question, and one I couldn’t answer.
“I don’t know. But I do. And I would like a chance to know why I worry so much about what you think of me. If you’d give me a chance?”
She smiled but looked apologetic.
“Thanks again for dinner.” Her eyes glinted like precious stones in the dusk light and I could see a hint of wickedness there. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
Watching her walk away, gutted me. I took it slow riding home along the beachfront. The sun was setting but it was still warm. I rode up to my favorite spot on the Peninsula. It was a good place to think. To get some peace and quiet. I pulled my bike off the road and followed the rutted path down to the outlook. The sky was alight with the colors of sunset and the Pacific Ocean crashed onto the rocks below. I could taste sea salt on my tongue and inhaled a deep breath of ocean air. This was where God gave me perspective. This was where I felt humbled. Standing on the cliff edge with a wide blue ocean stretching out before me.
This was where God reminded you how fucking big the world was and how small you were in the grand scheme of things; how important it was to leave your ego at the door because at the end of the day, you were only as significant as your actions. It didn’t matter who you were, if you were a douche, you were a douche.
I didn’t plan on being a douche.
Heels to haunch I stared at the wide expanse of ocean. Something was happening inside of me. It was a feeling I’d never felt before.
I didn’t know why I was so hung up on this girl.
I just knew that I was, and it seemed I was prepared to do anything—anything—to get her attention.
And I wasn’t going to stop until I did.
Chapter Four HARLOW
“Are you coming to the show tonight?”
The sound of Heath’s voice turned me around. He was walking up the street towards me.
“Now who’s stalking who?” I asked. I had just hopped off the bus and was heading towards work.
“I was on my way to see Fat Tony. Pure coincidence you’re going the same way.” He gestured with his arms to suggest the situation was completely out of his hands. “So are you coming to the gig at Lost City tonight?”
“Why would I?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
I stopped walking; my eyes squinted against the Californian sun. “You’re not used to girls saying no to you, are you?”
“Why would they?”
“Or why wouldn’t they …”
“Good question.”
I frowned, confused, and Heath grinned.
Seeing his smug smile I gave up and started walking away from him. “God you’re annoying.”
He held his arms up again in an innocent gesture. “What?”
“Go away, Heath,” I said over my shoulder.
Not that he listened. In a second, he was trotting beside me. “I thought you might come along with Piper. Make some friends. Have fun. Hey, you could bring your cousin.”
“Bridge?”
“Yeah, the hot brunette,” he said with a grin.
I stopped, eyebrow raised. “She won’t have sex with you either.”
He gave me a sexy, mischievous half-smile. “You know I’m beginning to wonder about your obsession with sex.”
“I don’t have an obsession with sex.”
“You and I have probably had three conversations since we met and every one of them has involved you, me and sex. Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Yes. I will never have sex with you.” I paused to look at him. “And neither will Bridge.”
“Good. Then you can both not have sex with me together.”
I shook my head. He was rapacious.
“God you’re gross.”
“What?”
“Now you’re thinking about a threesome with me and my cousin.”