His eyes reached out for me from across the room. A look of anguish on his face.
Within seconds he had crossed the distance between us and slammed his lips to mine, knocking the wind out of me. Powerful hands cupped my face as his strong tongue filled my mouth in a kiss that left me dizzy and turned my world upside down.
Instead of pushing him away like I knew I should I grabbed his t-shirt with two fists and pulled him closer.
He walked me backwards until my back was against the wall, moaning as he held his body firm against mine. My world toppled. I could see nothing. Only what was happening in my mind’s eye as he awakened things in me with the slow, powerful rhythm of his mouth.
A guttural groan escaped from deep within him and I could feel all of him. Every muscle. Every thud of his pounding pulse. Every deliciously hard part of his body against me.
I knew I should stop. I knew this was overstepping the line of our friendship but I was too intoxicated by the tempo of his tongue in my mouth and the sweet serenity of his luscious warm lips against mine to see sense. And suddenly it wasn’t enough.
I wanted him.
Every single delicious inch of him.
I felt breathless as he stopped our kiss and pulled his face back. But only slightly, so we were almost touching.
His eyes were dark and they dropped to my lips. “Did you fuck him?” he breathed heavily.
“Heath—”
He stopped me by nudging my head with his.
“Tell me,” he demanded.
His breath was a warm caress against my neck and I could feel the heat radiating from his body as it trapped me against the wall.
Excitement mingled with anxiety. I was mortified by his question, yet aroused by his display of emotion. He wasn’t supposed to care this much. Yet pinned beneath him I could feel his desperation. He nuzzled his face to my neck and I could feel his lips against my throat as he spoke.
“Tell me.”
“No.” I swallowed hard, more aroused than I had ever been in my entire life. “No, I didn’t.”
His body relaxed slightly, as if he was relieved.
“Did you want to?”
“No,” I whispered.
He leaned deeper into me, so I felt just how much he wanted me. “Do you want to fuck me?”
Oh. God. Yes.
“Yes,” I breathed.
His lips and tongue caressed my neck, whispering slowly across my jaw until they found mine and he kissed me fiercely.
“Tell me you’re mine.” His lips glided across mine as he spoke. But I was too distracted by the sheer pleasure of his body pressing against mine in all the right places to respond. He took my jaw in his hand. “Tell me you’re mine.”
I blinked up at him.
“Are you all mine?” I asked breathlessly.
He pulled back just enough for me to look into his eyes. They were alight with dark fire. His jaw clenched. “You are everything,” he breathed huskily.
It wasn’t something I ever expect to hear him say and my own words failed me.
He closed his eyes, frowning as he breathed in deeply and I could feel the rapid thud of his heartbeat between us.
“Damn it H-bomb,” he whispered as his forehead fell to mine. “You’re going to have to stop this before it goes too far, because I can’t. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard. ” He looked pained, his brows drawn, grimacing as he fought the war between pleasure and pain. “But you make me weak,” he whispered. “What I feel for you … it’s too strong … you need to stop me.”
I looked at him, dazed. Stop? Was he kidding?
It was easy to forget all the reasons I couldn’t be with him when his delicious body had me pinned against the wall.
“What if I don’t want to stop?” I whispered, feeling reckless.
He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “You have to stop me,” he begged. He leaned in to kiss me again but stopped short of my mouth. “I want you H-bomb. I want you so fucking bad it makes me crazy. But I’m no good for you so you need to stop me before I go too far and ruin us.”
His body was a wall of muscle against me, and I could feel the full, hard length of him through his jeans.
And in that crazy moment all I wanted was what I could feel pressed into me. I didn’t care about right or wrong. This felt too good to be wrong.
“I’m not going to stop,” I said, sounding more confident than I felt.
He growled. “If you don’t then I am going to fuck things up. Do you understand me? I’m going to take you into my bedroom and spend the night exploring every delicious inch of your body with every inch of mine. And then I’ll do something to ruin this. To ruin us.”
I didn’t care. I had made up my mind.
Taking his chin in my fingers I turned his beautiful face so he had no choice but to look at me. His face was tortured, his eyes glazed with a desire he seemed desperate to fight.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
My body was on fire at the thought of what could happen beyond his bedroom walls.
He pushed himself away from me. “You have to go. You have to stay away from me. You’re too good for me.”
“Stop saying that. I’m not too good for you.” I was sick of hearing that bullshit.
“Yes you are. And if I don’t stop this now, it’s going to kill me that little bit more when you work it out.” His brow furrowed, as if just the idea hurt him. “It’s a self-preservation thing. Do you understand? If you care for me at all, you’ll go.”
“Heath, please …”
Yes, I was ready to beg.
“You have to go Harlow.”
His words were like cold water. He was serious. But …
Hot desire was quickly replaced by the heat of humiliation. I dropped my eyes to the floor and bit my bottom lip. Why the hell did I feel like crying?
When I looked up, I looked into a pair of pained eyes. He swallowed hard and the muscles in his jaw clenched. “You need to stay away from me,” he warned.
I was confused. I didn’t understand where any of this was coming from.
“Heath—”
“Just go … please …” He squeezed his eyes shut.
I bit my bottom lip to stop my chin from quivering. Then without a word I launched off the wall and disappeared out the door.
* * * * *
He was avoiding me. He wouldn’t answer my texts. He wasn’t waiting for me after work to drive me home. It was like he had disappeared off the face of the planet. I didn’t see or hear from him. He didn’t ring. He didn’t show up unannounced. I even rang his home phone and when Leigh answered he said, “Yeah, Heath’s here … er … no apparently he’s not. Sorry Harlow. Looks like the asshole is out.”
Over the week I experienced a range of emotions. At first I was annoyed by his unexpected rejection, insulted even, but this was quickly followed by a crushing sadness. Not seeing him made me realize how important he had become to my day-to-day happiness.
By Thursday I was overcome with an overwhelming irritation that he would just walk away from our friendship so easily.
By Friday I was pissed off.
But no matter how I felt, insulted, sad or irritated, it didn’t change the fact that I missed him. More than I could have imagined. And I wanted him back. He was my best friend. And I wasn’t going to let him just throw that away. I missed him. I missed him terribly.
I didn’t fully understand why he’d done what he’d done. One minute he was insisting he didn’t see me like he saw the other girls. The next, he had my back pressed against the wall, his mouth rhythmically working with mine in what had to be the most devastating kiss known to man.
And then, in a complete 360, he didn’t want anything to do with me.
No wonder women threw their drinks at him.
I gave up trying to work it out. I didn’t need to know. All I needed was for Heath to see how we belonged together as best friends, and to give up this ridiculous behavior.
On Saturday I found him at the gym, pummeling the hell out of a punching bag with relentless thrusts of his fists.
“What are you doing?” he asked, cautiously walking over to me. He was shirtless and his flawless torso gleamed with sweat.