I exhaled deeply in an attempt to still my thundering heart.
When I had discovered Colton was cheating on me I had just felt mad. Maybe a little let down but more angry than anything. I was also a little insulted that he’d thought I’d never find out. I mean, he was running around with my so-called best friend, Cassandra, so what were the chances I wouldn’t eventually stumble across the truth?
But at the end of the day I’d been able to see it was time to move on from him. Our relationship had run its course and I’d recognized that. I didn’t cry over it. I didn’t even get angry at him. I just broke up with him.
Oh, he had tried to convince me otherwise. He promised to never have anything to do with Cassandra ever again. Which would be easy because Cassandra was moving away. But I had already decided to spend the summer in California and realized I was truly over him. At the end of the day, his cheating on me was my perfect exit strategy.
But with Heath … his cheating on me was a sword straight through my chest. It tore the ground from under me and left me numb.
I tried some deep breathing exercises hoping it would calm the pain I felt swell around my heart. But it didn’t and my urge to cry was palpable. My chin quivered and I inhaled air through gritted teeth to calm the tide of heartache as it pushed and pulled throughout my chest.
I wouldn’t cry. I was afraid that if I started, I wouldn’t stop. So I stared out the window at the beach across the road, watching the sun move lower into the horizon and the shadows grow longer across the sand, and prayed the pain would go away.
Bridget arrived home sometime after eleven. Taking one look at me and the empty bottle of wine at my feet, she curled into the wicker chair next me and waited for me to explain what was wrong.
I chose my words slowly. Although my mind rushed to explain everything to her so she could perhaps come up with the answer to why? Why had this happened?
“Do you want to know what I think?” she asked finally, after I’d explained what had happened.
“Please.”
“I think he made a mistake. He fucked up real bad. But not because he wanted to. I think he overreacted to what he saw. And because of who he is, and how he looks, it’s far easier for him to fuck up so badly. You’ve said before, there is always some girl waiting to have her way with him. Unfortunately, this time it worked against him and it made it easier for him to make a mess of things.” She unfurled her legs from under her and leaned forward. “Heath isn’t a bad guy. I actually like him a lot more than I thought I would. I don’t think he’d ever try to hurt you deliberately.”
“Since when did you become a Heath Dillinger fan?” I asked, surprised that she was sticking up for him.
She smiled wistfully. “Since I saw how happy he made you.” She paused and thought for a moment, taking her time to choose her words carefully. “Watching you two together is crazy beautiful. The way you look at one another. The way he acts around you and the way you light up when he’s around. It’s obvious you’re crazy about each other.”
“I am. I mean, I was.” I frowned. “I’m not sure anymore.”
Her smile was closed-lipped and she looked thoughtful. “I don’t think Heath knew what hit him when you came along. He’s always been a no-strings attached kind of guy. But then you came along and turned his world upside down. Anyone can see he is insanely in love with you.”
“Insane is right.” I frowned.
“I think it scared the hell out of him.”
“What are you saying?”
She hesitated, looking for the right words. “He made a mistake, Harlow. A huge, vile, massive mistake. But maybe – “
My eyes widened and I couldn’t hide my disbelief. “Are you saying I should forgive him?”
“He’s human. He let a stupid chain of events get the better of him. But you,” she paused. “You can make it right again. And you should. Because what you have is too precious to throw away because of a bump in the road.”
“I can’t believe you think I should forgive him. Seriously?”
“I think you should think about what you have before you throw it away,” she replied calmly.
“He already threw it away when he stuck his dick in that thing on the plane,” I protested.
She nodded. “Granted, it was a fucked up thing to do. But you said it yourself; he thought you had gone back to Colton. So he got himself smashed to cope. And we all know why he doesn’t usually drink alcohol; because he does dumbass shit when he’s drunk.” She sighed. “I think he was out of his mind over the thought of you being back with Colton. He wasn’t interested in that girl on the plane. He was just trying to make himself feel better.”
“And that’s his excuse?” I exclaimed feeling a little pissed at my cousin for making excuses for him.
“Not an excuse. A reason, perhaps? Listen, I’m just being your voice of wisdom here. I don’t want you to make a mistake. What you guys have is a once in a lifetime thing.”
I shook my head. “It was a summer fling,” I snapped like an angry child, reaching for my anger because it hurt less when I felt angry. I wasn’t in the mood to feel anything else. And I definitely didn’t want to hear about forgiveness. “Nothing but a stupid summer fling.”
But Bridget wasn’t convinced and dismissed my comment with a little shake of her head.
“You don’t believe that. No-one does.” She sighed and I noticed how weary she looked. It was almost one thirty and we had been talking for more than two hours.
“So I should just forgive him for cheating on me?”
“I’m telling you to look at what you have before you throw it all away. And ask yourself if you can move past this to salvage this incredible love you two created.” She stood up. “Give yourself a couple of days to feel like shit. Then make up your mind. But at least give yourself a bit of time to think about it before making any decisions.”
“I hate him,” I said, even though I knew it wasn’t true. I loved him. But I hated what he had done to us.
To me.
Ugh! To that awful thing on the plane.
“Believe me, if he was here, I’d smack him right between those two charming dimples, for what he did to you,” Bridget said.
“If he was here, I’d let you.”
We were both exhausted and called it a night. Before I turned off my light I did what I had avoided doing all night; I checked my cell phone.
Eighteen missed calls. Sixteen from Heath. And my voice mail was full.
There were also eleven text messages.
Nine from Heath.
One from Piper asking me to call her.
And one from Jesse begging me to call Piper.
I quickly sent Piper a message.
I’m ok. Very tired. Will sleep on everything and wake up with a better perspective. I will call you tomorrow xx
Within minutes she had texted back.
Hope you’re ok. He’s a wreck if it makes you feel better L
It didn’t.
I turned off my phone and bedside lamp before crawling under the covers. As hard as I tried to turn off my brain I couldn’t get the mental image of Heath—my Heath—fucking that girl in a cramped airplane toilet cubicle.
Or the smug look on her face as she stood in front of me, not so subtly letting me know she had devoured my boyfriend the day before.
It took hours before I finally fell into a restless sleep. But it was a night of tossing and turning, and punching my pillow. My head was filled with images of Heath.
And a girl with bright blue eyes.
* * * * *
I woke to the smell of pancakes and forced myself out of bed.
My head was foggy and thumped with a mean headache. My reflection in the bathroom mirror was no better. A restless night had left my eyes puffy and swollen and no amount of makeup was going to help. So I didn’t even try. There was no point.