“Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
I honestly didn’t know. At that moment it didn’t seem possible. All I could see was him and her. And my imagination was a mean bitch. It tormented me with images of him and her, together. Images of her awful red mouth all over him. Kissing him. Touching him. Fucking him … her tentacles sliming all over him.
“Probably not,” I whispered looking at the ground.
“Please don’t say that.”
“You’ve hurt me Heath. You. My best friend in the whole world. I never thought you’d –” I stopped, because my thoughts and words hurt me. “I need time to process this. To work out why. To work out why you gave up on us.”
“How could you say that?” he cried. “How could you say I gave up on us? I fucked up, Harlow. But you walking away … that’s you giving up on us!” He ran a hand over his face. “When you left me you took everything. I’m so lost without you I can hardly breathe. I can’t think straight. All I can think of is how I made the most incredible woman in the world stop loving me.”
Without warning he pulled me into his arms and I was no match for his strength. His strong arms encircled me, pinning my arms to my side. There was no point in struggling. But my body remained stiff and unresponsive. My eyes squeezed shut.
“Please baby,” he begged, holding me tightly against his thumping chest. “Please take me back.”
Warm tears played in the corner of my eyes. Being in his arms had once been my sanctuary. Now it only broke my heart. Why? Because I didn’t belong there anymore.
“Tell me you still love me …” His voice broke.
I pushed him away. Caught unaware his muscular arms released me and I stepped back from him, glaring at him through unshed tears. He looked like shit. No. He looked worse than that. He looked broken.
“You did this to us,” I said barely controlling my quivering voice. “You broke us Heath.”
“I know,” he replied like the wind had been knocked out of him. “But if you take me back Harlow I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you.”
“No.”
His face crumpled. “Don’t do this.”
I couldn’t take any more of this. I clinched my fists. Only a week ago I had contemplated moving my life from Georgia to California just to be with him. I had been prepared to face the wrath of my mother and the immense disappointment of my daddy. I must have been fucking insane.
“Do what Heath? Do what?” I yelled. “You already did this to us!”
I didn’t wait for his response. I turned and blindly ran back into the bar, not stopping until I reached the privacy of the staff bathroom where I slid down the wall and began to sob.
Chapter Seventeen HEATH
So this was hell. Standing there listening to my girl tell me that she could never forgive me for what I’d done to us.
It was over. She would never be able to get over my mistake.
If my heart hadn’t already broken into tiny pieces, it would have broken all over again.
My chest was so tight I could barely breathe. Tears burned in my eyes as I watched her turn and run away from me. The last thing I saw was the swing of her long ponytail as she disappeared inside. I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be it. Dear God, this couldn’t be it.
I climbed on my bike and tore away from the Pizza Palace. For a while I just rode. Streetlights rushed by in a blur. Before I realized it, I was out the front of Armie’s house. He had turned his garage into a studio and the light was on when I pulled up on the driveway. As I climbed off my bike the automatic door rolled up. Armie took one look at my face and nodded. He walked to the bar fridge, pulled out a beer and handed it to me. Kelsey (it was hard to keep up with if they were on or off) came over and hugged me.
She was so sweet and kind to me, it made me feel even sorrier for myself.
“I would ask if you’re okay, but your face pretty much tells me that you’re not,” she said. I slumped down on the black leather couch on the back wall and she joined me.
Armie resumed the spot on the chair where he’d been sitting when I arrived. He picked up his guitar and absentmindedly strummed it.
“You saw your girl?” He asked.
I took a swill of beer and nodded. “She fucking hates me.”
“That’ll pass,” Kelsey offered kindly.
I picked at the label on the beer bottle. Fuck, now I wanted to cry like a little girl. “You think?”
She nodded. “It’ll take time. She needs time to process it all and then work out what she needs to do next.”
“What if that involves moving on without me?” I exhaled deeply, hating the thought.
Armie stopped strumming. “Then maybe you need to think about moving on without her.”
I felt Kelsey’s hand on my shoulder. “Armie’s right, you need to get out of your funk and start thinking about getting on with it.”
It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. But they were right. Maybe my future involved getting used to not having Harlow in my life. Maybe getting over her was the answer.
“We’re about to head out on the road, dude. You need to get your head clear.” He started strumming again. “Get pissed. One night. Spill your guts and get it out of your system. Hell, cry on my shoulder if that’s what you need to do. But then put this all behind you and let’s hit the road without her ghost making you so miserable.”
“Put Harlow behind me?”
“I love Harlow. You know that. Dude, I think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. But you need to be on your game when we get out there on road. We need you to be focused.” He smiled. “Some time away from each other is probably the best thing. Maybe when we get back, maybe the timing will be better for you both then?”
Armie was right. I had to face the fact that Harlow was probably never going to get over what happened. Perhaps the only answer to ending my misery was to move forward. Focus on the band. The music. The upcoming tour. We would be gone for six weeks. Maybe it would be enough time for Harlow to calm down. To see that I’d made a colossal mistake. See how much I regretted it. And realize that I’d never jeopardize our relationship again.
I sighed and put the empty beer bottle down on the table in front of me. “Got anything stronger?”
Kelsey retrieved a half bottle of tequila from behind the makeshift bar and lined up three shot glasses in front of me.
“You’ve got a birthday coming up soon, haven’t you?” she said.
“Hey, its tomorrow, isn’t it?” Armie chimed in.
I nodded. “Yep.”
She handed us a shot glass each and the three of us clinked them. “Then Happy birthday to you, Heath.”
“Here’s to moving forward,” Armie toasted.
“To moving forward,” I agreed and threw back the shot.
The tequila spread its warmth through my chest and I grimaced at the taste. Almost immediately the haze enveloped my brain and I smiled. Shots two, three, four and five quickly followed.
Joined by Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold and Armie’s favourite Ozzy Osbourne album, Blizzard of Oz, the mix of good music and alcohol lightened the pain in my chest.
Two hours later and my eyes were heavy with alcohol and I was all talked out. Armie and Kelsey decided to turn in.
Drunk, I settled into the couch and Kelsey grabbed me a blanket. I would never drink drive, so I decided to sleep off the tequila before riding home in the morning.
When Kelsey turned out the light and closed the door behind them, I looked down at my phone. It was after midnight and my phone’s date showed August 3. It was the day I would move forward. Without Harlow. Because at the end of the day that was what we both needed me to do.
I lay on my back and put my forearm over my eyes.
“Happy fucking birthday to me,” I mumbled and promptly passed out.
* * * * *